yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
i wish my penis had a tongue
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
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