Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Send us your Text From Last Night!
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
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