she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.