Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.