Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
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if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
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And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."