Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
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I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands