She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
my poor anus
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me