you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
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