Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
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