All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Send us your Text From Last Night!
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
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