My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
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I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
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