IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
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Kings cup with teenagers tonight
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
You're a waste of cheezeits
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
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