It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
you inspire me to be a worse person
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
