gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
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they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
seriously i just wanna be friends
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
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