you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
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