Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
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