Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Send us your Text From Last Night!
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
there's paper in my vomit.
i barfeds in our rink
I smell stomach acid.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
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