He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Send us your Text From Last Night!
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Loading more great texts...