Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
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wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
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