Texts From Last Night

angelbaby7223's Favorites Texts:

Sort By: Date Favorited / Date Posted / Good Night / Bad Night

• Favorite

  (618): View more from Illinois

  Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.

  (270): View more from Kentucky

  No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.

  (618): View more from Illinois

  Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (618): Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you. (270): No, that's okay. Don't worry about it. (618): Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway. http://tfl.nu/gcov
  Replies (43) Good night (3191) Bad night (943)
• Favorite

  (251): View more from Alabama

  When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (251): When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail? http://tfl.nu/evev
  Replies (6) Good night (2441) Bad night (491) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (985): View more from Louisiana

  Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (985): Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time http://tfl.nu/pvdr
  Replies (4) Good night (1915) Bad night (689) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off http://tfl.nu/ws61
  Replies (7) Good night (4681) Bad night (447) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (734): They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you. http://tfl.nu/tuzf
  Replies (5) Good night (1990) Bad night (525)
• Favorite

  (951): View more from California

  My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (951): My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room http://tfl.nu/wnm7
  Replies (26) Good night (4178) Bad night (871) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (480): I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona. http://tfl.nu/nax7
  Replies (3) Good night (1503) Bad night (451) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (615): The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror. http://tfl.nu/nl5c
  Replies (4) Good night (1102) Bad night (694) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here. http://tfl.nu/lskr
  Replies (3) Good night (1295) Bad night (518) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (252): View more from North Carolina

  I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars

  (1-252): View more from North Carolina

  I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (252): I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars (1-252): I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers http://tfl.nu/w67j
  Replies (6) Good night (1797) Bad night (452)
• Favorite

  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.

  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  You're welcome.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (262): Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits. (414): You're welcome. http://tfl.nu/kntv
  Replies (9) Good night (1809) Bad night (793)
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (615): Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls. http://tfl.nu/rbr1
  Replies (13) Good night (3424) Bad night (1053) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted

  (1-615): View more from Tennessee

  it is a toga and you are a goddess.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (615): In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted (1-615): it is a toga and you are a goddess. http://tfl.nu/2t04
  Replies (15) Good night (4362) Bad night (482) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading. http://tfl.nu/kxg6
  Replies (10) Good night (2232) Bad night (898)
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning" http://tfl.nu/wpur
  Replies (8) Good night (740) Bad night (2313) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (361): View more from Texas

  He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (361): He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears. http://tfl.nu/n3l2
  Replies (7) Good night (673) Bad night (2392) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest. http://tfl.nu/16wx
  Replies (2) Good night (637) Bad night (1086) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (319): View more from Iowa

  Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (319): Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong http://tfl.nu/nuya
  Replies (6) Good night (3364) Bad night (421) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (904): he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french? http://tfl.nu/ofgx
  Replies (23) Good night (6870) Bad night (602)
• Favorite

  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (920): You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day. http://tfl.nu/y8lp
  Replies (9) Good night (2458) Bad night (534) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (413): And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center http://tfl.nu/rfee
  Replies (9) Good night (2226) Bad night (619) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (773): Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy http://tfl.nu/v4pi
  Replies (24) Good night (796) Bad night (1203) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends http://tfl.nu/i1vw
  Replies (3) Good night (1510) Bad night (466) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (713): View more from Texas

  Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (713): Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night. http://tfl.nu/wvak
  Replies (9) Good night (3917) Bad night (428) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (312): View more from Illinois

  I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (312): I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards". http://tfl.nu/xpqo
  Replies (6) Good night (2014) Bad night (690) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth http://tfl.nu/emd7
  Replies (9) Good night (1775) Bad night (664) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (502): View more from Kentucky

  After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (502): After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea. http://tfl.nu/ggoy
  Replies (7) Good night (1631) Bad night (1019)
• Favorite

  (707): View more from California

  there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (707): there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced. http://tfl.nu/voth
  Replies (28) Good night (902) Bad night (4766) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch http://tfl.nu/y99x
  Replies (20) Good night (1005) Bad night (2895) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore. http://tfl.nu/0dve
  Replies (25) Good night (1185) Bad night (2725) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (217): View more from Illinois

  Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (217): Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me? http://tfl.nu/r928
  Replies (9) Good night (2475) Bad night (522) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach

  (630): View more from Illinois

  Me toooooo!! Margaritas

  (773): View more from Illinois

  I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (773): Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach (630): Me toooooo!! Margaritas (773): I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good http://tfl.nu/3y14
  Replies (50) Good night (998) Bad night (3386)
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (570): please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic http://tfl.nu/e8z4
  Replies (5) Good night (388) Bad night (1887) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like. http://tfl.nu/nq61
  Replies (6) Good night (760) Bad night (2796)
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites. http://tfl.nu/mbgc
  Replies (13) Good night (2277) Bad night (1236) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (812): This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip. http://tfl.nu/lk0s
  Replies (8) Good night (1658) Bad night (522) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline... http://tfl.nu/p4q2
  Replies (1) Good night (1986) Bad night (682) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (931): View more from Tennessee

  making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (931): making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float http://tfl.nu/pj8f
  Replies (12) Good night (2542) Bad night (343) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no" http://tfl.nu/13gy
  Replies (7) Good night (2130) Bad night (676) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (713): View more from Texas

  His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (713): His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life. http://tfl.nu/34re
  Replies (12) Good night (3299) Bad night (415) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (708): There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit. http://tfl.nu/svzs
  Replies (5) Good night (2179) Bad night (392)
• Favorite

  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (321): I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex. http://tfl.nu/mg10
  Replies (6) Good night (1861) Bad night (533) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (601): View more from Mississippi

  We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (601): We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level. http://tfl.nu/1en2
  Replies (12) Good night (3142) Bad night (539) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (907): View more from Alaska

  If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (907): If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever. http://tfl.nu/sogf
  Replies (29) Good night (927) Bad night (3511) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass http://tfl.nu/r852
  Replies (3) Good night (3019) Bad night (608) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase. http://tfl.nu/thr7
  Replies (11) Good night (852) Bad night (1668) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (770): Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers. http://tfl.nu/y8q2
  Replies (9) Good night (1720) Bad night (1181) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (423): View more from Tennessee

  All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (423): All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited. http://tfl.nu/itw0
  Replies (8) Good night (2609) Bad night (569)
• Favorite

  (713): View more from Texas

  I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (713): I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight http://tfl.nu/pekh
  Replies (14) Good night (1581) Bad night (936) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (204): View more from Manitoba

  You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (204): You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome. http://tfl.nu/qhl9
  Replies (3) Good night (1368) Bad night (684) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie http://tfl.nu/901f
  Replies (3) Good night (2111) Bad night (538)
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (770): Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight http://tfl.nu/pi0o
  Replies (5) Good night (1265) Bad night (442)
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it. http://tfl.nu/1ffs
  Replies (11) Good night (2365) Bad night (440) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (704): That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes. http://tfl.nu/bf3h
  Replies (3) Good night (1440) Bad night (360) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it." http://tfl.nu/3dma
  Replies (5) Good night (1577) Bad night (698) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (313): View more from Michigan

  First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (313): First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina http://tfl.nu/jm59
  Replies (9) Good night (2935) Bad night (776) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (302): View more from Delaware

  my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (302): my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things http://tfl.nu/xzcl
  Replies (2) Good night (1151) Bad night (497) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (484): He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it. http://tfl.nu/m1ps
  Replies (6) Good night (430) Bad night (1314) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (918): this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun" http://tfl.nu/d07w
  Replies (16) Good night (3264) Bad night (758)
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (360): if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked http://tfl.nu/kcmn
  Replies (24) Good night (4718) Bad night (1580)
• Favorite

  (907): View more from Alaska

  You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (907): You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you http://tfl.nu/r2n8
  Replies (8) Good night (2235) Bad night (624) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (217): View more from Illinois

  the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (217): the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office http://tfl.nu/i7an
  Replies (18) Good night (2432) Bad night (1991)
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Who is this?

  (1-603): View more from New Hampshire

  You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): Who is this? (1-603): You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo (603): Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this? http://tfl.nu/iabt
  Replies (5) Good night (2302) Bad night (628)
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (913): I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim http://tfl.nu/0xxd
  Replies (8) Good night (2226) Bad night (527) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (605): View more from South Dakota

  She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (605): She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes. http://tfl.nu/x8cz
  Replies (5) Good night (2098) Bad night (991)
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer (919): Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can http://tfl.nu/61hu
  Replies (4) Good night (1277) Bad night (725)
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch http://tfl.nu/cp10
  Replies (14) Good night (1724) Bad night (477) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (304): Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh. http://tfl.nu/3wcj
  Replies (4) Good night (1547) Bad night (526) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (313): View more from Michigan

  He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (313): He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings. http://tfl.nu/w72z
  Replies (5) Good night (1923) Bad night (537)
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun. http://tfl.nu/gl1b
  Replies (6) Good night (1365) Bad night (851) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL http://tfl.nu/gjdn
  Replies (15) Good night (770) Bad night (3309) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters http://tfl.nu/lstj
  Replies (4) Good night (2416) Bad night (603) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  AMAZING.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye (908): AMAZING. http://tfl.nu/tp4d
  Replies (5) Good night (1839) Bad night (556)
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (704): He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book. http://tfl.nu/dqxa
  Replies (22) Good night (1047) Bad night (2901) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (360): i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical http://tfl.nu/7e1z
  Replies (7) Good night (3826) Bad night (502)
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable http://tfl.nu/5ca2
  Replies (14) Good night (5967) Bad night (570) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (540): I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name.... http://tfl.nu/37ao
  Replies (8) Good night (509) Bad night (2585) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (360): We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent. http://tfl.nu/utkw
  Replies (8) Good night (2418) Bad night (611) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (775): View more from Nevada

  he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (775): he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me. http://tfl.nu/rwrr
  Replies (35) Good night (2471) Bad night (4382) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.

  (1-913): View more from Kansas

  So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (913): I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms. (1-913): So you know, I'm making that my facebook status. http://tfl.nu/4s8l
  Replies (24) Good night (7204) Bad night (740)
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (724): Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately. http://tfl.nu/qxtl
  Replies (7) Good night (2022) Bad night (1033) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (830): View more from Texas

  Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (830): Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester http://tfl.nu/187b
  Replies (5) Good night (1650) Bad night (552) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (514): View more from Quebec

  she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (514): she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up http://tfl.nu/zucc
  Replies (10) Good night (1687) Bad night (688) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (765): View more from Indiana

  I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (765): I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night. http://tfl.nu/jw9u
  Replies (17) Good night (531) Bad night (3847) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (216): View more from Ohio

  another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (216): another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night. http://tfl.nu/i20t
  Replies (2) Good night (1618) Bad night (593) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (770): Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this. http://tfl.nu/gsh2
  Replies (3) Good night (1253) Bad night (460)
• Favorite

  (50): View more from

  I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (50): I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious. http://tfl.nu/irod
  Replies (5) Good night (2632) Bad night (439)
• Favorite

  (905): View more from Ontario

  Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (905): Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious" http://tfl.nu/f3vn
  Replies (4) Good night (2556) Bad night (457) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (615): There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night. http://tfl.nu/q563
  Replies (1) Good night (518) Bad night (1482) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life http://tfl.nu/5boh
  Replies (6) Good night (2495) Bad night (1106) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know. http://tfl.nu/9803
  Replies (5) Good night (496) Bad night (1045) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (808): View more from Hawaii

  he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (808): he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted http://tfl.nu/o6gq
  Replies (7) Good night (679) Bad night (1499) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (205): View more from Alabama

  i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (205): i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP http://tfl.nu/52p4
  Replies (12) Good night (1957) Bad night (538) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out. http://tfl.nu/gev3
  Replies (499) Good night (82809) Bad night (7565)
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka

  (231): View more from Michigan

  the cocktail of hope

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (734): I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka (231): the cocktail of hope http://tfl.nu/t9k0
  Replies (20) Good night (4808) Bad night (772)
• Favorite

  (231): View more from Michigan

  i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror

  (906): View more from Michigan

  its going to be a good night

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (231): i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror (906): its going to be a good night http://tfl.nu/k4vc
  Replies (22) Good night (5156) Bad night (591)
• Favorite

  (231): View more from Michigan

  I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (231): I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you http://tfl.nu/n6kx
  Replies (20) Good night (5922) Bad night (653) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (231): View more from Michigan

  bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.

  (517): View more from Michigan

  Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (231): bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this. (517): Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one. http://tfl.nu/v0gx
  Replies (49) Good night (6012) Bad night (1254)
• Favorite

  (231): View more from Michigan

  I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence

  (415): View more from California

  shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (231): I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence (415): shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy. http://tfl.nu/3ya6
  Replies (12) Good night (8006) Bad night (620)
• Favorite

  (231): View more from Michigan

  you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (231): you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob. http://tfl.nu/xbl2
  Replies (25) Good night (9130) Bad night (677) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (417): View more from Missouri

  Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (417): Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by. http://tfl.nu/hvbu
  Replies (14) Good night (2838) Bad night (632) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (758): View more from St. Lucia-Carib

  He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (758): He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out. http://tfl.nu/nx2b
  Replies (1) Good night (2007) Bad night (748) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (217): View more from Illinois

  it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (217): it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex. http://tfl.nu/bdfn
  Replies (5) Good night (4415) Bad night (557) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (302): View more from Delaware

  NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (302): NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN. http://tfl.nu/6d9q
  Replies (10) Good night (1839) Bad night (790) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma. http://tfl.nu/it54
  Replies (16) Good night (3467) Bad night (1452)
• Favorite

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (608): It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis http://tfl.nu/80nu
  Replies (11) Good night (4006) Bad night (637) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (308): View more from Nebraska

  You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (308): You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants. http://tfl.nu/tdj1
  Replies (13) Good night (4991) Bad night (771) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities? http://tfl.nu/5gd1
  Replies (33) Good night (737) Bad night (6702) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles. http://tfl.nu/pzt3
  Replies (19) Good night (1492) Bad night (5883) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (814): btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in. http://tfl.nu/zr2p
  Replies (5) Good night (2792) Bad night (500) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted. http://tfl.nu/yox0
  Replies (26) Good night (7584) Bad night (806)
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak http://tfl.nu/y31q
  Replies (18) Good night (1010) Bad night (4968) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (708): Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think. http://tfl.nu/wg4r
  Replies (20) Good night (3782) Bad night (958) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  he seriously made his penis a facebook.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (480): he seriously made his penis a facebook. http://tfl.nu/bto1
  Replies (15) Good night (4056) Bad night (1583) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (319): View more from Iowa

  My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (319): My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home. http://tfl.nu/nin0
  Replies (12) Good night (8196) Bad night (584) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future http://tfl.nu/ji9u
  Replies (8) Good night (597) Bad night (3397) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (267): Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup. http://tfl.nu/dysq
  Replies (10) Good night (2851) Bad night (622) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried. http://tfl.nu/p6ag
  Replies (13) Good night (2222) Bad night (4175) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (602): View more from Arizona

  Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (602): Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again? http://tfl.nu/01x5
  Replies (4) Good night (3123) Bad night (965) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap. http://tfl.nu/d86b
  Replies (10) Good night (1257) Bad night (3015) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (312): View more from Illinois

  My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (312): My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug. http://tfl.nu/uu90
  Replies (12) Good night (960) Bad night (2942) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (949): View more from California

  Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?

  (1-949): View more from California

  are you seriously doing this over text message

  (949): View more from California

  hahaha no, but i am dumping you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (949): Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me? (1-949): are you seriously doing this over text message (949): hahaha no, but i am dumping you. http://tfl.nu/2zd7
  Replies (351) Good night (7018) Bad night (46836)
• Favorite

  (802): View more from Vermont

  OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (802): OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made. http://tfl.nu/87yq
  Replies (108) Good night (44103) Bad night (2115) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (484): Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud. http://tfl.nu/xhdj
  Replies (49) Good night (45255) Bad night (1014)
• Favorite

  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (321): Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting. http://tfl.nu/c1w6
  Replies (139) Good night (42579) Bad night (8881)
• Favorite

  (352): View more from Florida

  i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (352): i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE http://tfl.nu/5phb
  Replies (178) Good night (48648) Bad night (1814)
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down http://tfl.nu/yeuq
  Replies (206) Good night (49048) Bad night (2219) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (510): View more from California

  he said he didn't have a condom.

  (415): View more from California

  and you said?

  (510): View more from California

  that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (510): he said he didn't have a condom. (415): and you said? (510): that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that. http://tfl.nu/4u76
  Replies (298) Good night (96125) Bad night (5008)
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (781): I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed http://tfl.nu/sznd
  Replies (124) Good night (122215) Bad night (2212) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star... http://tfl.nu/jbo8
  Replies (484) Good night (128176) Bad night (5059)
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends. http://tfl.nu/htzg
  Replies (4) Good night (1078) Bad night (2575) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom. http://tfl.nu/2arl
  Replies (12) Good night (4691) Bad night (732) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (775): View more from Nevada

  Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (775): Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks... http://tfl.nu/pt70
  Replies (8) Good night (1705) Bad night (603) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito. http://tfl.nu/qluq
  Replies (7) Good night (2828) Bad night (567) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  im here for your entertainment

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you. (603): im here for your entertainment http://tfl.nu/u5ht
  Replies (6) Good night (2373) Bad night (584)
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna http://tfl.nu/tldl
  Replies (9) Good night (5330) Bad night (1321) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs. http://tfl.nu/iho1
  Replies (19) Good night (3102) Bad night (651) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS. http://tfl.nu/7vfy
  Replies (10) Good night (9123) Bad night (689) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep http://tfl.nu/pnlq
  Replies (19) Good night (1100) Bad night (4488) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (207): She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? " http://tfl.nu/wyfp
  Replies (10) Good night (5224) Bad night (794) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.

  (1-847): View more from Illinois

  How was it?

  (847): View more from Illinois

  Fantastic, but that's not the point.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me. (1-847): How was it? (847): Fantastic, but that's not the point. http://tfl.nu/muuk
  Replies (199) Good night (82962) Bad night (6404)
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.

  (1-630): View more from Illinois

  if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends. (1-630): if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs... http://tfl.nu/id4n
  Replies (51) Good night (9967) Bad night (1174)
• Favorite

  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (414): He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after. http://tfl.nu/s41l
  Replies (8) Good night (3350) Bad night (550) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him http://tfl.nu/ek6e
  Replies (9) Good night (5191) Bad night (821) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (607): View more from New York

  do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (607): do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers? http://tfl.nu/jybn
  Replies (9) Good night (1664) Bad night (661) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol http://tfl.nu/0mrj
  Replies (2) Good night (2424) Bad night (470) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (719): View more from Colorado

  Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (719): Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am http://tfl.nu/os55
  Replies (5) Good night (766) Bad night (1549) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (619): So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side. http://tfl.nu/rosc
  Replies (12) Good night (7404) Bad night (660) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (562): View more from California

  It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (562): It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice. http://tfl.nu/vbsf
  Replies (28) Good night (4510) Bad night (3293) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (952): View more from Minnesota

  pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (952): pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient. http://tfl.nu/mkyj
  Replies (2) Good night (2957) Bad night (1054) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (616): View more from Michigan

  He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.

  (1-616): View more from Michigan

  Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (616): He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science. (1-616): Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world! http://tfl.nu/0fvx
  Replies (10) Good night (4748) Bad night (579) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was http://tfl.nu/ydfc
  Replies (14) Good night (4412) Bad night (648) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (843): She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that. http://tfl.nu/vu87
  Replies (14) Good night (6678) Bad night (778) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise. http://tfl.nu/i6qg
  Replies (6) Good night (3042) Bad night (700) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (773): halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids http://tfl.nu/g564
  Replies (19) Good night (4060) Bad night (1062) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER http://tfl.nu/i5te
  Replies (10) Good night (3805) Bad night (724) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (408): View more from California

  I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (408): I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina. http://tfl.nu/oyks
  Replies (16) Good night (2991) Bad night (915) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?! http://tfl.nu/dodw
  Replies (15) Good night (762) Bad night (6704) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits. http://tfl.nu/2cej
  Replies (10) Good night (9184) Bad night (571)
• Favorite

  (765): View more from Indiana

  Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (765): Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug. http://tfl.nu/xwvw
  Replies (11) Good night (868) Bad night (3370) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  You kept trying to hail an ambulance

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (415): You kept trying to hail an ambulance http://tfl.nu/adc4
  Replies (2) Good night (3248) Bad night (631) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (559): View more from California

  I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (559): I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing. http://tfl.nu/i8zl
  Replies (6) Good night (4708) Bad night (904) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot. http://tfl.nu/6tih
  Replies (5) Good night (4976) Bad night (780) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  So....maintenance found the bullethole.....

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): So....maintenance found the bullethole..... http://tfl.nu/54el
  Replies (21) Good night (4986) Bad night (1990) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (541): I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples. http://tfl.nu/kf5x
  Replies (16) Good night (3550) Bad night (659) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind. http://tfl.nu/avf5
  Replies (6) Good night (3671) Bad night (612) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude. http://tfl.nu/2mtw
  Replies (6) Good night (1876) Bad night (1637) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified. http://tfl.nu/1mep
  Replies (21) Good night (904) Bad night (3321) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (931): View more from Tennessee

  please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (931): please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice http://tfl.nu/enb2
  Replies (7) Good night (2669) Bad night (629) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (270): View more from Kentucky

  I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (270): I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in... http://tfl.nu/1w40
  Replies (8) Good night (3659) Bad night (569) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (403): I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass http://tfl.nu/mda2
  Replies (16) Good night (2781) Bad night (2312) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (613): View more from Ontario

  at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (613): at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner. http://tfl.nu/n8w7
  Replies (7) Good night (3180) Bad night (552) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (403): Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice. http://tfl.nu/ol36
  Replies (9) Good night (3181) Bad night (761) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (801): View more from Utah

  I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (801): I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand... http://tfl.nu/rby4
  Replies (7) Good night (3031) Bad night (656) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (587): View more from Alberta

  She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (587): She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28. http://tfl.nu/r7ey
  Replies (8) Good night (716) Bad night (4022) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her? http://tfl.nu/rn89
  Replies (17) Good night (6846) Bad night (673) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them. http://tfl.nu/f4br
  Replies (22) Good night (5342) Bad night (770) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome http://tfl.nu/x7k0
  Replies (8) Good night (4742) Bad night (1083) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+44): He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work http://tfl.nu/peex
  Replies (3) Good night (735) Bad night (2998) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  ... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (480): ... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen? http://tfl.nu/sppe
  Replies (17) Good night (3200) Bad night (1246) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (918): Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet? http://tfl.nu/ki3z
  Replies (5) Good night (4294) Bad night (591) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication. http://tfl.nu/dq9l
  Replies (6) Good night (2823) Bad night (913) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings. http://tfl.nu/ds3w
  Replies (7) Good night (2907) Bad night (768) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (312): View more from Illinois

  Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (312): Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday http://tfl.nu/xsly
  Replies (11) Good night (3567) Bad night (766) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (413): the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings. http://tfl.nu/xbcs
  Replies (11) Good night (8460) Bad night (636)
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting. http://tfl.nu/kkkr
  Replies (25) Good night (3442) Bad night (2527) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost. http://tfl.nu/27qj
  Replies (8) Good night (3055) Bad night (836) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (469): View more from Texas

  The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (469): The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig. http://tfl.nu/4p0a
  Replies (9) Good night (4121) Bad night (990) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (605): View more from South Dakota

  You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (605): You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home. http://tfl.nu/7njn
  Replies (29) Good night (10037) Bad night (625) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (217): View more from Illinois

  The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (217): The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left http://tfl.nu/fjkf
  Replies (14) Good night (2088) Bad night (889) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls http://tfl.nu/26r3
  Replies (9) Good night (1107) Bad night (2578) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (708): He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain http://tfl.nu/7dwy
  Replies (4) Good night (2893) Bad night (661)
• Favorite

  (229): View more from Georgia

  She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (229): She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever http://tfl.nu/g4y3
  Replies (11) Good night (3268) Bad night (959) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (559): View more from California

  Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (559): Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10 http://tfl.nu/1xln
  Replies (13) Good night (6586) Bad night (636) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is. http://tfl.nu/o2e4
  Replies (42) Good night (988) Bad night (6260) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (713): View more from Texas

  He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (713): He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5. http://tfl.nu/fdnd
  Replies (8) Good night (2514) Bad night (540) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie. http://tfl.nu/xhiw
  Replies (14) Good night (3945) Bad night (779) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (202): I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand http://tfl.nu/1ole
  Replies (8) Good night (3905) Bad night (707) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (586): View more from Michigan

  he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (586): he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great. http://tfl.nu/bqct
  Replies (12) Good night (1165) Bad night (3064) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout http://tfl.nu/u300
  Replies (6) Good night (2320) Bad night (873) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (937): View more from Ohio

  how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (937): how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on? http://tfl.nu/yug9
  Replies (16) Good night (4609) Bad night (685) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome http://tfl.nu/6r0p
  Replies (7) Good night (3742) Bad night (572) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (336): View more from North Carolina

  Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (336): Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep? http://tfl.nu/earn
  Replies (9) Good night (3303) Bad night (1043) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (760): View more from California

  It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (760): It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience. http://tfl.nu/sxy7
  Replies (12) Good night (5482) Bad night (745) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (507): View more from Minnesota

  I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (507): I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER. http://tfl.nu/g7c4
  Replies (20) Good night (5223) Bad night (1122) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (734): Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable. http://tfl.nu/e8ez
  Replies (6) Good night (4529) Bad night (754) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (530): View more from California

  regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (530): regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle http://tfl.nu/1njn
  Replies (10) Good night (3166) Bad night (1541) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (954): View more from Florida

  8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (954): 8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on. http://tfl.nu/8x7p
  Replies (6) Good night (5141) Bad night (638) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play. http://tfl.nu/jglo
  Replies (9) Good night (823) Bad night (3863) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (806): View more from Texas

  with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (806): with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible. http://tfl.nu/qot7
  Replies (31) Good night (9742) Bad night (841) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt http://tfl.nu/0t60
  Replies (45) Good night (4509) Bad night (1352) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez. http://tfl.nu/551w
  Replies (4) Good night (3017) Bad night (536) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (910): View more from North Carolina

  He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.

  (605): View more from South Dakota

  WTF??? Isn't he married??

  (910): View more from North Carolina

  Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (910): He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding. (605): WTF??? Isn't he married?? (910): Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL http://tfl.nu/eb9x
  Replies (19) Good night (733) Bad night (4024)
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (480): U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together http://tfl.nu/9vec
  Replies (14) Good night (337) Bad night (1775) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (305): View more from Florida

  It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (305): It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids. http://tfl.nu/tjbu
  Replies (4) Good night (4285) Bad night (735) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (651): Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying... http://tfl.nu/qpg3
  Replies (9) Good night (2913) Bad night (681) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (636): View more from Missouri

  & he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'

  (636): View more from Missouri

  HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (636): & he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut' (636): HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!! http://tfl.nu/1ay1
  Replies (14) Good night (1124) Bad night (2896)
• Favorite

  (406): View more from Montana

  she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (406): she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure. http://tfl.nu/ut3o
  Replies (5) Good night (1075) Bad night (2383) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (250): View more from British Columbia

  Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (250): Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety... http://tfl.nu/2t4m
  Replies (8) Good night (2992) Bad night (886) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos http://tfl.nu/qe5u
  Replies (32) Good night (2475) Bad night (4707)
• Favorite

  (949): View more from California

  Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (949): Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk? http://tfl.nu/zd5j
  Replies (5) Good night (3077) Bad night (657) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (360): Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day http://tfl.nu/ru8t
  Replies (30) Good night (1507) Bad night (4337) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (937): View more from Ohio

  It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (937): It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs. http://tfl.nu/4p26
  Replies (23) Good night (994) Bad night (6590) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work http://tfl.nu/ryiy
  Replies (11) Good night (1920) Bad night (824) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am http://tfl.nu/kql6
  Replies (10) Good night (713) Bad night (3773) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home! http://tfl.nu/koxv
  Replies (12) Good night (3423) Bad night (728) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (920): he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up http://tfl.nu/v5zl
  Replies (23) Good night (7607) Bad night (767) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (704): Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining. http://tfl.nu/owux
  Replies (14) Good night (4978) Bad night (741) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING (617): you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me. http://tfl.nu/bj47
  Replies (33) Good night (7831) Bad night (1193)
• Favorite

  (585): View more from New York

  I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (585): I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei? http://tfl.nu/dlk1
  Replies (22) Good night (3295) Bad night (751) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (775): View more from Nevada

  Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (775): Why is the garage door in the middle of the street? http://tfl.nu/rc41
  Replies (13) Good night (3872) Bad night (1254) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce http://tfl.nu/158e
  Replies (41) Good night (800) Bad night (2749)
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher. http://tfl.nu/9rva
  Replies (9) Good night (4381) Bad night (927)
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (814): I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild. http://tfl.nu/qodr
  Replies (8) Good night (4834) Bad night (596) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him. http://tfl.nu/2knl
  Replies (11) Good night (3412) Bad night (733) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (413): you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006. http://tfl.nu/ojn9
  Replies (8) Good night (1308) Bad night (4530)
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong http://tfl.nu/7whz
  Replies (28) Good night (733) Bad night (5632) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (608): i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex http://tfl.nu/mh19
  Replies (24) Good night (1354) Bad night (3847) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (760): View more from California

  I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (760): I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog http://tfl.nu/x4z4
  Replies (10) Good night (3691) Bad night (807) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (734): i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up. http://tfl.nu/9mj6
  Replies (12) Good night (694) Bad night (3455) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (360): Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night. http://tfl.nu/91du
  Replies (49) Good night (7397) Bad night (889) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (570): Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city. http://tfl.nu/2blw
  Replies (10) Good night (3504) Bad night (933) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (620): View more from Kansas

  She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (620): She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever http://tfl.nu/3n5f
  Replies (26) Good night (5063) Bad night (919) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole. http://tfl.nu/9iug
  Replies (17) Good night (1081) Bad night (2973) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (425): Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older. http://tfl.nu/u48g
  Replies (3) Good night (4855) Bad night (574) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (306): It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story. http://tfl.nu/6m1s
  Replies (14) Good night (854) Bad night (2608) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (228): View more from Mississippi

  Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (228): Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer. http://tfl.nu/k59r
  Replies (6) Good night (3533) Bad night (710) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner. http://tfl.nu/g7ai
  Replies (5) Good night (5756) Bad night (1019) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (954): View more from Florida

  I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (954): I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart. http://tfl.nu/2rds
  Replies (22) Good night (3972) Bad night (1124) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (361): View more from Texas

  Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (361): Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one? http://tfl.nu/k16y
  Replies (15) Good night (8307) Bad night (710) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (608): so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober http://tfl.nu/y352
  Replies (6) Good night (733) Bad night (3208) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (425): This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son http://tfl.nu/qxal
  Replies (7) Good night (729) Bad night (2552) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate. http://tfl.nu/wnmg
  Replies (11) Good night (718) Bad night (4702) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (304): She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country http://tfl.nu/39z8
  Replies (16) Good night (4500) Bad night (541) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (902): I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park http://tfl.nu/d8es
  Replies (6) Good night (2617) Bad night (758) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (727): View more from Florida

  We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (727): We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno http://tfl.nu/ajny
  Replies (12) Good night (3541) Bad night (762) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (803): she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often http://tfl.nu/h6kk
  Replies (7) Good night (2793) Bad night (1174) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (679): View more from Michigan

  You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.

  (679): View more from Michigan

  You really are best friends.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (679): You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road. (679): You really are best friends. http://tfl.nu/zi1s
  Replies (20) Good night (6121) Bad night (832)
• Favorite

  (386): View more from Florida

  Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (386): Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation. http://tfl.nu/xc4n
  Replies (25) Good night (4971) Bad night (1470) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (510): View more from California

  Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (510): Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight. http://tfl.nu/a7yq
  Replies (24) Good night (4895) Bad night (790)
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween http://tfl.nu/fww2
  Replies (37) Good night (5897) Bad night (862) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (419): View more from Ohio

  The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (419): The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. . http://tfl.nu/zh9v
  Replies (24) Good night (7202) Bad night (722) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (605): View more from South Dakota

  there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (605): there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife. http://tfl.nu/kzgo
  Replies (5) Good night (1288) Bad night (5528) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (707): View more from California

  You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (707): You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant. http://tfl.nu/2b7s
  Replies (6) Good night (3897) Bad night (847) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (713): View more from Texas

  I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (713): I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more. http://tfl.nu/mxjh
  Replies (18) Good night (3989) Bad night (757) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (954): View more from Florida

  Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (954): Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers. http://tfl.nu/re05
  Replies (3) Good night (3376) Bad night (622) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.

  (1-818): View more from California

  And this was for your brother's Christening?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons. (1-818): And this was for your brother's Christening? http://tfl.nu/dxaq
  Replies (9) Good night (3374) Bad night (614) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (202): I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her. http://tfl.nu/d96s
  Replies (15) Good night (2573) Bad night (5271) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone" http://tfl.nu/b2m1
  Replies (15) Good night (4406) Bad night (1069) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues". http://tfl.nu/ykd9
  Replies (13) Good night (2676) Bad night (1567) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?

  (1-513): View more from Ohio

  how could i say no?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka? (1-513): how could i say no? http://tfl.nu/1o9r
  Replies (28) Good night (6032) Bad night (1332) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (507): View more from Minnesota

  You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (507): You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!" http://tfl.nu/pues
  Replies (7) Good night (3342) Bad night (607) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people http://tfl.nu/8cwf
  Replies (28) Good night (1011) Bad night (5148) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (608): I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs. http://tfl.nu/xx6g
  Replies (39) Good night (4981) Bad night (1016) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (229): View more from Georgia

  Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (229): Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night. http://tfl.nu/4bxb
  Replies (10) Good night (4478) Bad night (1317) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (217): View more from Illinois

  You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (217): You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information. http://tfl.nu/61w8
  Replies (6) Good night (4341) Bad night (598)
• Favorite

  (613): View more from Ontario

  I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (613): I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line. http://tfl.nu/g6vr
  Replies (6) Good night (545) Bad night (4201) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever. http://tfl.nu/k2hn
  Replies (87) Good night (1399) Bad night (23123) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (765): View more from Indiana

  He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family

  (812): View more from Indiana

  Not even marginally surprised

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (765): He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family (812): Not even marginally surprised http://tfl.nu/oyoq
  Replies (7) Good night (3052) Bad night (1719)
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend. http://tfl.nu/v7b4
  Replies (16) Good night (1226) Bad night (7044) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question. http://tfl.nu/v6vq
  Replies (11) Good night (764) Bad night (4309) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (202): he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love http://tfl.nu/m0fg
  Replies (15) Good night (5121) Bad night (717) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (309): View more from Illinois

  I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (309): I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors. http://tfl.nu/cath
  Replies (10) Good night (10510) Bad night (619)
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand. http://tfl.nu/ms96
  Replies (10) Good night (4150) Bad night (957)
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck http://tfl.nu/nvzw
  Replies (19) Good night (5907) Bad night (1104) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!

  (218): View more from Minnesota

  I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (715): Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy! (218): I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head. http://tfl.nu/0svk
  Replies (29) Good night (4534) Bad night (1562)
• Favorite

  (253): View more from Washington

  So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (253): So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas http://tfl.nu/0wvi
  Replies (64) Good night (1698) Bad night (15406) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (804): View more from Virginia

  he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (804): he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms http://tfl.nu/3xwg
  Replies (2) Good night (3269) Bad night (685) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (949): View more from California

  Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (949): Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN. http://tfl.nu/2o4b
  Replies (32) Good night (13656) Bad night (927) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party. http://tfl.nu/9044
  Replies (8) Good night (3282) Bad night (841) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (515): View more from Iowa

  the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (515): the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point http://tfl.nu/syrq
  Replies (9) Good night (6010) Bad night (608) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (478): View more from Georgia

  There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (478): There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect. http://tfl.nu/c9bw
  Replies (36) Good night (1136) Bad night (5440) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (727): View more from Florida

  I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (727): I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this. http://tfl.nu/jm8u
  Replies (19) Good night (4185) Bad night (919) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (304): If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason http://tfl.nu/mpoe
  Replies (10) Good night (866) Bad night (3874) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college. http://tfl.nu/nve2
  Replies (13) Good night (5586) Bad night (745) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (207): we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet? http://tfl.nu/uydl
  Replies (9) Good night (5827) Bad night (613) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (707): View more from California

  Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (707): Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me..... http://tfl.nu/ajao
  Replies (11) Good night (3105) Bad night (997)
• Favorite

  (313): View more from Michigan

  Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (313): Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever. http://tfl.nu/w4r8
  Replies (8) Good night (864) Bad night (2833) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (909): View more from California

  Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (909): Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups... http://tfl.nu/mcei
  Replies (5) Good night (2764) Bad night (1084) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen http://tfl.nu/keq8
  Replies (18) Good night (959) Bad night (8430) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (602): View more from Arizona

  Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (602): Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now? http://tfl.nu/lkox
  Replies (9) Good night (5158) Bad night (573) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (515): View more from Iowa

  I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...

  (316): View more from Kansas

  Just the budget?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (515): I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget... (316): Just the budget? http://tfl.nu/v45e
  Replies (3) Good night (4148) Bad night (692)
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (813): Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper. http://tfl.nu/ip7t
  Replies (13) Good night (4324) Bad night (590) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (661): View more from California

  It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (661): It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job. http://tfl.nu/htiz
  Replies (32) Good night (4968) Bad night (1067) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey. http://tfl.nu/3eol
  Replies (12) Good night (949) Bad night (3752) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (781): Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night. http://tfl.nu/qv6r
  Replies (6) Good night (566) Bad night (4056) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (417): View more from Missouri

  I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (417): I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line http://tfl.nu/6dkx
  Replies (6) Good night (3274) Bad night (1214) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (336): View more from North Carolina

  I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (336): I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight http://tfl.nu/7krg
  Replies (8) Good night (768) Bad night (3243) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status. http://tfl.nu/kzoi
  Replies (42) Good night (14182) Bad night (868) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (740): View more from Ohio

  I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (740): I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign? http://tfl.nu/ahav
  Replies (8) Good night (3477) Bad night (651) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (312): View more from Illinois

  This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (312): This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck. http://tfl.nu/7nbz
  Replies (28) Good night (4676) Bad night (1897) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (509): View more from Washington

  They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (509): They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried. http://tfl.nu/h9l8
  Replies (17) Good night (1792) Bad night (3993) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (435): View more from Utah

  this will be a night to untag.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (435): this will be a night to untag. http://tfl.nu/f6xw
  Replies (6) Good night (7404) Bad night (877) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over http://tfl.nu/fq6e
  Replies (6) Good night (797) Bad night (3149) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (250): View more from British Columbia

  He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (250): He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock... http://tfl.nu/tura
  Replies (15) Good night (5218) Bad night (967)
• Favorite

  (229): View more from Georgia

  He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (229): He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him. http://tfl.nu/c2pz
  Replies (12) Good night (6079) Bad night (748) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY http://tfl.nu/b20j
  Replies (14) Good night (6465) Bad night (938) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (647): View more from Ontario

  We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (647): We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda. http://tfl.nu/2f76
  Replies (8) Good night (3742) Bad night (770) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer. http://tfl.nu/cz4h
  Replies (8) Good night (4124) Bad night (1679) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her http://tfl.nu/pixb
  Replies (6) Good night (618) Bad night (3624) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (904): I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion http://tfl.nu/iqkp
  Replies (3) Good night (714) Bad night (2948) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them. http://tfl.nu/l7o1
  Replies (20) Good night (980) Bad night (5745) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes? http://tfl.nu/t0sq
  Replies (17) Good night (3167) Bad night (1574) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (619): Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen. http://tfl.nu/rhei
  Replies (27) Good night (1165) Bad night (6121) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (902): Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines. http://tfl.nu/9k5b
  Replies (12) Good night (4440) Bad night (529) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (515): View more from Iowa

  Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (515): Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex http://tfl.nu/a38e
  Replies (14) Good night (802) Bad night (4110) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (419): View more from Ohio

  We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (419): We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun. http://tfl.nu/fiqf
  Replies (10) Good night (4108) Bad night (733) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (920): its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice http://tfl.nu/sbu6
  Replies (16) Good night (4415) Bad night (1126) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila. http://tfl.nu/yi5v
  Replies (13) Good night (1785) Bad night (5661)
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it. http://tfl.nu/tlpk
  Replies (9) Good night (3499) Bad night (574) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together. http://tfl.nu/59bc
  Replies (14) Good night (680) Bad night (3823) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (541): She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets... http://tfl.nu/jeys
  Replies (27) Good night (6469) Bad night (1496) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+41): View more from Switzerland

  I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+41): I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples http://tfl.nu/80un
  Replies (16) Good night (802) Bad night (4808) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?' http://tfl.nu/x9n6
  Replies (13) Good night (7835) Bad night (1002) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (161): View more from

  that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (161): that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face. http://tfl.nu/0pd0
  Replies (22) Good night (1337) Bad night (3293) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (510): View more from California

  We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (510): We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP. http://tfl.nu/sbka
  Replies (14) Good night (804) Bad night (303) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (515): View more from Iowa

  then she stuck her tongue in my ass

  (1-515): View more from Iowa

  I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (515): then she stuck her tongue in my ass (1-515): I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her? http://tfl.nu/wzc5
  Replies (17) Good night (3435) Bad night (1784) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish. http://tfl.nu/e99m
  Replies (6) Good night (721) Bad night (3234) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon. http://tfl.nu/t979
  Replies (40) Good night (7985) Bad night (2078)
• Favorite

  (585): View more from New York

  complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (585): complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this. http://tfl.nu/7hr5
  Replies (6) Good night (2994) Bad night (601) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (213): View more from California

  Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (213): Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain. http://tfl.nu/121u
  Replies (3) Good night (2058) Bad night (899) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (517): View more from Michigan

  He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (517): He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time http://tfl.nu/hxad
  Replies (19) Good night (5173) Bad night (725)
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen. http://tfl.nu/umfy
  Replies (11) Good night (4817) Bad night (790) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (218): View more from Minnesota

  he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (218): he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this http://tfl.nu/jsty
  Replies (16) Good night (4677) Bad night (914) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (251): View more from Alabama

  you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (251): you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account http://tfl.nu/ufbc
  Replies (20) Good night (5019) Bad night (991)
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago" http://tfl.nu/h89t
  Replies (45) Good night (1719) Bad night (7490)
• Favorite

  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (262): This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year" http://tfl.nu/hf6v
  Replies (9) Good night (978) Bad night (6010) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself http://tfl.nu/rqfe
  Replies (29) Good night (1855) Bad night (4006)
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (781): So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one....... http://tfl.nu/w37i
  Replies (67) Good night (2327) Bad night (8610) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (253): View more from Washington

  I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (253): I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex. http://tfl.nu/rq63
  Replies (11) Good night (3821) Bad night (1244) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (763): View more from Minnesota

  Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (763): Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg... http://tfl.nu/nasy
  Replies (43) Good night (2211) Bad night (6076) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (787): View more from Puerto Rico

  1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (787): 1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while http://tfl.nu/u6qo
  Replies (17) Good night (918) Bad night (6747)
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (615): Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER? http://tfl.nu/yz8w
  Replies (14) Good night (5194) Bad night (896) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (570): I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless. http://tfl.nu/rrlk
  Replies (6) Good night (3660) Bad night (472) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (615): it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex.. http://tfl.nu/6q5t
  Replies (13) Good night (795) Bad night (2970) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise. http://tfl.nu/z4y1
  Replies (9) Good night (493) Bad night (3737) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (859): View more from Kentucky

  They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (859): They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college. http://tfl.nu/okdu
  Replies (6) Good night (3742) Bad night (492) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (785): View more from Kansas

  Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (785): Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets". http://tfl.nu/227d
  Replies (16) Good night (897) Bad night (4191) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (250): View more from British Columbia

  My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (250): My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part. http://tfl.nu/8pmc
  Replies (11) Good night (893) Bad night (3104) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (321): You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again. http://tfl.nu/dbiz
  Replies (8) Good night (4029) Bad night (606)
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome. http://tfl.nu/zzpw
  Replies (25) Good night (6350) Bad night (668) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?

  (1-425): View more from Washington

  you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (425): I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I? (1-425): you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time http://tfl.nu/bm15
  Replies (5) Good night (4378) Bad night (532) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple." http://tfl.nu/0gie
  Replies (4) Good night (4939) Bad night (719) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american http://tfl.nu/02ni
  Replies (191) Good night (2643) Bad night (14801) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (585): View more from New York

  when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (585): when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood http://tfl.nu/vfy0
  Replies (12) Good night (8646) Bad night (860) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (619): I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning. http://tfl.nu/8wyf
  Replies (15) Good night (6333) Bad night (1099) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something. http://tfl.nu/5sjh
  Replies (21) Good night (4713) Bad night (856) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Why am I even shocked you're doing this....

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (774): Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n (617): Why am I even shocked you're doing this.... http://tfl.nu/y7yp
  Replies (11) Good night (5687) Bad night (682)
• Favorite

  (562): View more from California

  you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (562): you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again. http://tfl.nu/7o6u
  Replies (8) Good night (5133) Bad night (579)
• Favorite

  (786): View more from Florida

  What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (786): What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her? http://tfl.nu/v1vy
  Replies (8) Good night (2854) Bad night (831) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (210): View more from Texas

  I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (210): I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time. http://tfl.nu/1zig
  Replies (23) Good night (4672) Bad night (884) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut http://tfl.nu/7c6t
  Replies (19) Good night (5331) Bad night (926) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT?? http://tfl.nu/2vmn
  Replies (13) Good night (5496) Bad night (1547) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex.... http://tfl.nu/n100
  Replies (15) Good night (2835) Bad night (1384) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok" http://tfl.nu/q772
  Replies (19) Good night (3839) Bad night (1331) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me. http://tfl.nu/bb44
  Replies (23) Good night (1269) Bad night (5007) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night http://tfl.nu/pds9
  Replies (8) Good night (4026) Bad night (1060) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (936): View more from Texas

  Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (936): Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance http://tfl.nu/8uw4
  Replies (37) Good night (1651) Bad night (9454)
• Favorite

  (731): View more from Tennessee

  He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (731): He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars.... http://tfl.nu/aa23
  Replies (15) Good night (1002) Bad night (7869) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (765): View more from Indiana

  He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (765): He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something. http://tfl.nu/5hhc
  Replies (16) Good night (4302) Bad night (1620) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials." http://tfl.nu/vm6j
  Replies (20) Good night (8358) Bad night (1206) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (386): View more from Florida

  I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (386): I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music. http://tfl.nu/9pnm
  Replies (31) Good night (7429) Bad night (1005) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (320): View more from Minnesota

  I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (320): I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on. http://tfl.nu/x1xg
  Replies (21) Good night (6572) Bad night (1276)
• Favorite

  (702): View more from Nevada

  Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (702): Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better. http://tfl.nu/sd76
  Replies (11) Good night (4527) Bad night (1104) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (562): View more from California

  I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (562): I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight. http://tfl.nu/kfwj
  Replies (9) Good night (4874) Bad night (641)
• Favorite

  (805): View more from California

  That bad?

  (1-805): View more from California

  Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (805): That bad? (1-805): Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding. http://tfl.nu/ntsx
  Replies (14) Good night (605) Bad night (4344) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night. http://tfl.nu/wu2q
  Replies (20) Good night (931) Bad night (5174) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted http://tfl.nu/q55a
  Replies (11) Good night (4991) Bad night (1662) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (305): View more from Florida

  MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (305): MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like. http://tfl.nu/d99s
  Replies (17) Good night (878) Bad night (4983) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (540): For future references, orgasms clear sinuses. http://tfl.nu/b2l7
  Replies (24) Good night (7104) Bad night (821) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (702): View more from Nevada

  Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (702): Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter. http://tfl.nu/2ees
  Replies (25) Good night (1073) Bad night (15301) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice http://tfl.nu/slww
  Replies (24) Good night (6468) Bad night (867) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (510): View more from California

  I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (510): I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders. http://tfl.nu/3tbi
  Replies (73) Good night (5519) Bad night (2369) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (802): View more from Vermont

  just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (802): just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke! http://tfl.nu/q0f1
  Replies (36) Good night (6647) Bad night (1648) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (510): View more from California

  Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (510): Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay http://tfl.nu/s2rn
  Replies (65) Good night (19434) Bad night (1464) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (626): View more from California

  HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (626): HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN? http://tfl.nu/rsqz
  Replies (50) Good night (5618) Bad night (1752) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (425): He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party. http://tfl.nu/pnyn
  Replies (21) Good night (1620) Bad night (7293) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown http://tfl.nu/5h35
  Replies (14) Good night (564) Bad night (6215) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever? http://tfl.nu/67g4
  Replies (74) Good night (19928) Bad night (778) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (918): New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be? http://tfl.nu/0zp1
  Replies (17) Good night (5074) Bad night (916) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (925): just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :) http://tfl.nu/2ogg
  Replies (38) Good night (1747) Bad night (6708) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again http://tfl.nu/lt5n
  Replies (36) Good night (3753) Bad night (383) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine. http://tfl.nu/ewch
  Replies (18) Good night (1569) Bad night (3822) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (858): View more from California

  God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (858): God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext http://tfl.nu/49np
  Replies (22) Good night (5994) Bad night (835) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (281): View more from Texas

  I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (281): I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO. http://tfl.nu/9byh
  Replies (28) Good night (3987) Bad night (686) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking. http://tfl.nu/ou65
  Replies (17) Good night (4789) Bad night (1071) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (760): View more from California

  have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (760): have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive http://tfl.nu/u0dx
  Replies (55) Good night (4232) Bad night (453) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  I just spent $27 on things to pee on.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (484): I just spent $27 on things to pee on. http://tfl.nu/pmzm
  Replies (30) Good night (984) Bad night (3364) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (480): Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby. http://tfl.nu/ip7w
  Replies (12) Good night (5135) Bad night (1073) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (858): View more from California

  I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (858): I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way. http://tfl.nu/w85x
  Replies (26) Good night (14156) Bad night (718) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (540): The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace http://tfl.nu/i9ng
  Replies (21) Good night (6107) Bad night (441)
• Favorite

  (216): View more from Ohio

  my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?

  (1-216): View more from Ohio

  i'd get off the bar first.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (216): my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing? (1-216): i'd get off the bar first. http://tfl.nu/xsi2
  Replies (18) Good night (433) Bad night (2653) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): her vagina looked like a handful of raisins. http://tfl.nu/5whx
  Replies (91) Good night (947) Bad night (23449) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (415): Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um http://tfl.nu/bp62
  Replies (8) Good night (335) Bad night (1295) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (607): View more from New York

  My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (607): My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons. http://tfl.nu/oech
  Replies (17) Good night (7254) Bad night (733) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (774): I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass. http://tfl.nu/6q4x
  Replies (27) Good night (10935) Bad night (831) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time

  (1-732): View more from New Jersey

  swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time (1-732): swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph http://tfl.nu/tobf
  Replies (11) Good night (4411) Bad night (733)
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me. http://tfl.nu/ej9i
  Replies (17) Good night (6202) Bad night (688)
• Favorite

  (408): View more from California

  if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (408): if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place http://tfl.nu/15wd
  Replies (33) Good night (5671) Bad night (1081) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (417): View more from Missouri

  I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.

  (1-417): View more from Missouri

  That's because you are an idiot.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (417): I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot. (1-417): That's because you are an idiot. http://tfl.nu/6gwl
  Replies (17) Good night (1347) Bad night (4477)
• Favorite

  (607): View more from New York

  Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (607): Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave. http://tfl.nu/8ei2
  Replies (12) Good night (1299) Bad night (5518) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (313): View more from Michigan

  I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (313): I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex. http://tfl.nu/ugby
  Replies (20) Good night (5748) Bad night (791) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics http://tfl.nu/sgxc
  Replies (9) Good night (3946) Bad night (800) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (502): View more from Kentucky

  Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (502): Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there. http://tfl.nu/zqp7
  Replies (13) Good night (1050) Bad night (5968) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky. http://tfl.nu/b98l
  Replies (21) Good night (601) Bad night (3553)
• Favorite

  (952): View more from Minnesota

  I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (952): I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now http://tfl.nu/4ogy
  Replies (11) Good night (3474) Bad night (691) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch. http://tfl.nu/cail
  Replies (51) Good night (813) Bad night (5304) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him http://tfl.nu/pw5n
  Replies (35) Good night (6914) Bad night (1705) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (334): View more from Alabama

  God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (334): God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises. http://tfl.nu/xfua
  Replies (68) Good night (14051) Bad night (813) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests. http://tfl.nu/eem8
  Replies (20) Good night (1712) Bad night (4674) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay http://tfl.nu/rfq4
  Replies (43) Good night (1038) Bad night (8071) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (504): View more from Louisiana

  We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (504): We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that. http://tfl.nu/afy4
  Replies (15) Good night (3116) Bad night (1188) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (904): He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college. http://tfl.nu/3hcf
  Replies (19) Good night (2281) Bad night (5690) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (952): View more from Minnesota

  Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (952): Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages. http://tfl.nu/1djk
  Replies (27) Good night (964) Bad night (6851) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil? http://tfl.nu/rel9
  Replies (22) Good night (4765) Bad night (1165) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing. http://tfl.nu/dzgt
  Replies (48) Good night (12113) Bad night (1153) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (570): you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her http://tfl.nu/jaz5
  Replies (39) Good night (8070) Bad night (1037) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (949): View more from California

  I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (949): I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed.. http://tfl.nu/gr14
  Replies (57) Good night (1014) Bad night (5231) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (604): View more from British Columbia

  when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (604): when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible. http://tfl.nu/pxku
  Replies (18) Good night (4456) Bad night (1007) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup.. http://tfl.nu/wofn
  Replies (11) Good night (815) Bad night (2920) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand. http://tfl.nu/fda6
  Replies (39) Good night (1542) Bad night (4986) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?

  (1-678): View more from Georgia

  630.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains? (1-678): 630. http://tfl.nu/hncc
  Replies (22) Good night (6390) Bad night (865) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome http://tfl.nu/vmah
  Replies (77) Good night (5842) Bad night (1652) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (713): View more from Texas

  We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (713): We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love. http://tfl.nu/9dmy
  Replies (37) Good night (4560) Bad night (2503) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+61): View more from Australia

  Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+61): Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other. http://tfl.nu/nigv
  Replies (29) Good night (6458) Bad night (1165) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well http://tfl.nu/ygjn
  Replies (14) Good night (4789) Bad night (925) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (210): View more from Texas

  i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (210): i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories. http://tfl.nu/3qfj
  Replies (8) Good night (3367) Bad night (667) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  One less school supply you need to buy!!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!! (860): One less school supply you need to buy!! http://tfl.nu/u0z5
  Replies (25) Good night (4947) Bad night (906)
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?" http://tfl.nu/24qc
  Replies (8) Good night (4575) Bad night (1722) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!" http://tfl.nu/hob5
  Replies (12) Good night (5168) Bad night (801) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have. http://tfl.nu/pc4d
  Replies (30) Good night (2580) Bad night (7223) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food. http://tfl.nu/gjjv
  Replies (29) Good night (930) Bad night (5063) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.

  (1-614): View more from Ohio

  and what did he say?

  (614): View more from Ohio

  there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world. (1-614): and what did he say? (614): there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning. http://tfl.nu/xi47
  Replies (50) Good night (12060) Bad night (762)
• Favorite

  (478): View more from Georgia

  So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking

  (404): View more from Georgia

  how did that work out?

  (478): View more from Georgia

  Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (478): So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking (404): how did that work out? (478): Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder... http://tfl.nu/o1yp
  Replies (15) Good night (4949) Bad night (1303)
• Favorite

  (601): View more from Mississippi

  I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (601): I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished. http://tfl.nu/ezge
  Replies (33) Good night (5175) Bad night (2062) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (780): He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done. http://tfl.nu/315y
  Replies (18) Good night (3907) Bad night (2233) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (570): 12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began http://tfl.nu/mu8u
  Replies (21) Good night (4943) Bad night (707)
• Favorite

  (713): View more from Texas

  I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (713): I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan. http://tfl.nu/gm7k
  Replies (11) Good night (1300) Bad night (4259) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends http://tfl.nu/aaz6
  Replies (40) Good night (1943) Bad night (5742) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market http://tfl.nu/5w22
  Replies (7) Good night (3443) Bad night (953) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  i can't find my house

  (1-845): View more from New York

  we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.

  (845): View more from New York

  i'm pretty sure my house moved.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): i can't find my house (1-845): we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago. (845): i'm pretty sure my house moved. http://tfl.nu/nzng
  Replies (50) Good night (12900) Bad night (1026)
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get http://tfl.nu/ews4
  Replies (61) Good night (4681) Bad night (1248) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (773): How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom? http://tfl.nu/o0zg
  Replies (42) Good night (1648) Bad night (5130) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (309): View more from Illinois

  I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time

  (1-309): View more from Illinois

  I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (309): I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time (1-309): I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating http://tfl.nu/74eg
  Replies (21) Good night (4639) Bad night (998) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (309): View more from Illinois

  why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (309): why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat?? http://tfl.nu/gupl
  Replies (18) Good night (4464) Bad night (861) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (413): He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m. http://tfl.nu/2wu4
  Replies (23) Good night (1024) Bad night (4639) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+49): View more from Germany

  They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+49): They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany! http://tfl.nu/9nli
  Replies (14) Good night (6281) Bad night (744) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already http://tfl.nu/bq9r
  Replies (19) Good night (1167) Bad night (3264) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (765): View more from Indiana

  he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (765): he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law. http://tfl.nu/4onk
  Replies (13) Good night (5741) Bad night (758) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up". http://tfl.nu/5shs
  Replies (39) Good night (10643) Bad night (1448)
• Favorite

  (334): View more from Alabama

  This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (334): This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back. http://tfl.nu/st6c
  Replies (35) Good night (14541) Bad night (785) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to. http://tfl.nu/5t0r
  Replies (22) Good night (4340) Bad night (1881) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  The panties match.

  (1-847): View more from Illinois

  I'll be right there.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): The panties match. (1-847): I'll be right there. http://tfl.nu/jbhz
  Replies (35) Good night (5633) Bad night (737) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out. http://tfl.nu/anew
  Replies (22) Good night (8279) Bad night (902)
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (813): my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me http://tfl.nu/uytx
  Replies (63) Good night (9071) Bad night (865) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (313): View more from Michigan

  The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (313): The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her. http://tfl.nu/8p27
  Replies (20) Good night (5242) Bad night (1503) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (650): View more from California

  an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (650): an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty. http://tfl.nu/vy3j
  Replies (78) Good night (9751) Bad night (2570)
• Favorite

  (281): View more from Texas

  I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.

  (979): View more from Texas

  I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (281): I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me. (979): I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys. http://tfl.nu/btxr
  Replies (23) Good night (5109) Bad night (1433)
• Favorite

  (660): View more from Missouri

  THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.

  (816): View more from Missouri

  ..So we should take it off Youtube?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (660): THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you. (816): ..So we should take it off Youtube? http://tfl.nu/93os
  Replies (28) Good night (10457) Bad night (1290)
• Favorite

  (253): View more from Washington

  he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (253): he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not. http://tfl.nu/7v4r
  Replies (14) Good night (1250) Bad night (3495) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (219): View more from Indiana

  Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (219): Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role http://tfl.nu/5zob
  Replies (14) Good night (670) Bad night (3727) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (405): She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade. http://tfl.nu/j0qu
  Replies (65) Good night (3088) Bad night (6197) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (606): View more from Kentucky

  He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (606): He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk http://tfl.nu/slqk
  Replies (57) Good night (614) Bad night (14278) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time

  (1-908): View more from New Jersey

  I'll google it

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time (1-908): I'll google it http://tfl.nu/bsan
  Replies (22) Good night (4714) Bad night (1408) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (807): View more from Ontario

  I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (807): I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth http://tfl.nu/b4j6
  Replies (18) Good night (6714) Bad night (887) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (434): View more from Virginia

  She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (434): She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4 http://tfl.nu/9o7z
  Replies (45) Good night (1856) Bad night (6495) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here. http://tfl.nu/s43y
  Replies (15) Good night (4556) Bad night (902) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food. http://tfl.nu/f716
  Replies (18) Good night (1482) Bad night (3733) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed http://tfl.nu/wcfq
  Replies (26) Good night (4021) Bad night (935) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (218): View more from Minnesota

  time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (218): time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink. http://tfl.nu/47ui
  Replies (15) Good night (3806) Bad night (828) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (720): I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls http://tfl.nu/uqfq
  Replies (11) Good night (3564) Bad night (865) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (662): View more from Mississippi

  I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (662): I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high. http://tfl.nu/4f4j
  Replies (16) Good night (6674) Bad night (1473) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (506): View more from New Brunswick

  He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (506): He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants. http://tfl.nu/uu5r
  Replies (16) Good night (4745) Bad night (684) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (647): View more from Ontario

  Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (647): Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public? http://tfl.nu/9yr1
  Replies (32) Good night (1306) Bad night (4305) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (720): At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course http://tfl.nu/67cn
  Replies (25) Good night (4842) Bad night (834) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations http://tfl.nu/cpf7
  Replies (19) Good night (7826) Bad night (729) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (718): View more from New York

  I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (718): I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary. http://tfl.nu/e3xl
  Replies (154) Good night (7685) Bad night (7945) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (561): View more from Florida

  I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (561): I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?" http://tfl.nu/1qvw
  Replies (17) Good night (4933) Bad night (1086) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (586): View more from Michigan

  If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (586): If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday. http://tfl.nu/9are
  Replies (25) Good night (4067) Bad night (798)
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid. http://tfl.nu/9pof
  Replies (17) Good night (780) Bad night (5006) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (219): View more from Indiana

  She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (219): She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over. http://tfl.nu/obg8
  Replies (21) Good night (3894) Bad night (1102) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (281): View more from Texas

  Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (281): Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's. http://tfl.nu/ot6m
  Replies (137) Good night (6482) Bad night (5106) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,

  (702): View more from Nevada

  Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it, (702): Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch. http://tfl.nu/x8zx
  Replies (116) Good night (5963) Bad night (11499)
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this. http://tfl.nu/mzic
  Replies (6) Good night (643) Bad night (4121) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (864): View more from South Carolina

  You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (864): You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable. http://tfl.nu/afg8
  Replies (10) Good night (4962) Bad night (739) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (504): View more from Louisiana

  Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (504): Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself. http://tfl.nu/n9ey
  Replies (9) Good night (803) Bad night (2576) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour. http://tfl.nu/nwj9
  Replies (11) Good night (4061) Bad night (1086) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (830): View more from Texas

  You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (830): You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy http://tfl.nu/g7o4
  Replies (12) Good night (3927) Bad night (755) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (319): View more from Iowa

  should my penis look like a turkey

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (319): should my penis look like a turkey http://tfl.nu/u56w
  Replies (18) Good night (604) Bad night (5031) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (217): View more from Illinois

  Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (217): Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights http://tfl.nu/27p8
  Replies (21) Good night (2837) Bad night (2211) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (972): View more from Texas

  85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (972): 85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing. http://tfl.nu/910d
  Replies (13) Good night (661) Bad night (6053) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid http://tfl.nu/btyl
  Replies (22) Good night (4247) Bad night (1766) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go http://tfl.nu/d1mz
  Replies (15) Good night (4886) Bad night (959) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper" http://tfl.nu/17it
  Replies (22) Good night (1116) Bad night (3044) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (949): View more from California

  im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (949): im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever http://tfl.nu/2bk7
  Replies (28) Good night (4516) Bad night (650) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this http://tfl.nu/xbb7
  Replies (21) Good night (747) Bad night (4011) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me. http://tfl.nu/d9on
  Replies (17) Good night (4285) Bad night (924) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (724): Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways. http://tfl.nu/hzks
  Replies (25) Good night (4867) Bad night (1374)
• Favorite

  (864): View more from South Carolina

  I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (864): I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe. http://tfl.nu/olye
  Replies (8) Good night (614) Bad night (2195) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door. http://tfl.nu/f9if
  Replies (9) Good night (4161) Bad night (1100) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am http://tfl.nu/p6fg
  Replies (13) Good night (4401) Bad night (776) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it. http://tfl.nu/df00
  Replies (38) Good night (5931) Bad night (819) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (607): View more from New York

  i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (607): i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life? http://tfl.nu/2cyx
  Replies (27) Good night (743) Bad night (4865) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (803): I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack) http://tfl.nu/29kp
  Replies (21) Good night (4832) Bad night (404) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (727): View more from Florida

  He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (727): He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple. http://tfl.nu/vn0p
  Replies (33) Good night (671) Bad night (12029) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (856): View more from New Jersey

  she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (856): she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name. http://tfl.nu/fuep
  Replies (34) Good night (4238) Bad night (1376) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (323): View more from California

  Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (323): Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat. http://tfl.nu/q9lv
  Replies (17) Good night (4522) Bad night (632) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (906): View more from Michigan

  Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (906): Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already. http://tfl.nu/ar92
  Replies (12) Good night (3431) Bad night (1435) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (708): you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas! http://tfl.nu/ibug
  Replies (10) Good night (5382) Bad night (435) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her

  (513): View more from Ohio

  me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her (513): me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you.. http://tfl.nu/01sh
  Replies (79) Good night (1041) Bad night (5443)
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by. http://tfl.nu/jzor
  Replies (49) Good night (884) Bad night (4624) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (409): View more from Texas

  so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (409): so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister http://tfl.nu/4kg0
  Replies (56) Good night (8659) Bad night (2165) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made. http://tfl.nu/sjsx
  Replies (56) Good night (3877) Bad night (352) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (520): View more from Arizona

  while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (520): while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE. http://tfl.nu/b4l7
  Replies (25) Good night (4017) Bad night (1026) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit... http://tfl.nu/oz8a
  Replies (10) Good night (4602) Bad night (1216)
• Favorite

  (937): View more from Ohio

  We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (937): We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard. http://tfl.nu/l7xl
  Replies (10) Good night (3688) Bad night (768) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (702): View more from Nevada

  is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (702): is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable? http://tfl.nu/ood9
  Replies (23) Good night (3535) Bad night (1259) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot. http://tfl.nu/w0w1
  Replies (36) Good night (4740) Bad night (807) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (417): View more from Missouri

  I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (417): I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me. http://tfl.nu/vc9f
  Replies (16) Good night (5622) Bad night (859) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (202): Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke. http://tfl.nu/as75
  Replies (8) Good night (800) Bad night (4209) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems http://tfl.nu/8tgm
  Replies (31) Good night (1326) Bad night (4600)
• Favorite

  (305): View more from Florida

  We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (305): We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had. http://tfl.nu/tauu
  Replies (26) Good night (5349) Bad night (649) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (585): View more from New York

  I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (585): I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet. http://tfl.nu/fy09
  Replies (16) Good night (6021) Bad night (896) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!

  (404): View more from Georgia

  you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (770): who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!! (404): you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship. http://tfl.nu/9p9t
  Replies (34) Good night (6166) Bad night (1092)
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is... http://tfl.nu/ocys
  Replies (9) Good night (2985) Bad night (1028) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (650): View more from California

  I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (650): I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now http://tfl.nu/rdt3
  Replies (23) Good night (3776) Bad night (1179) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (413): I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say. http://tfl.nu/z11c
  Replies (45) Good night (1723) Bad night (5043) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (901): View more from Tennessee

  when i was alone, his dick was there for me...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (901): when i was alone, his dick was there for me... http://tfl.nu/g7ma
  Replies (32) Good night (4723) Bad night (933) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed http://tfl.nu/x5dq
  Replies (52) Good night (10883) Bad night (1001) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing http://tfl.nu/l66q
  Replies (17) Good night (5722) Bad night (923) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (850): All of my current injuries can be related back to sex. http://tfl.nu/ncc6
  Replies (14) Good night (5008) Bad night (694) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (804): View more from Virginia

  she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (804): she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs. http://tfl.nu/jax9
  Replies (34) Good night (4629) Bad night (5956) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (925): We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous http://tfl.nu/vmkf
  Replies (62) Good night (716) Bad night (6567) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation. http://tfl.nu/p6jv
  Replies (43) Good night (1000) Bad night (4233) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (540): It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her http://tfl.nu/aiow
  Replies (36) Good night (1359) Bad night (3972)
• Favorite

  (260): View more from Indiana

  A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (260): A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him http://tfl.nu/k8ud
  Replies (25) Good night (1352) Bad night (6206) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (586): View more from Michigan

  conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (586): conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features. http://tfl.nu/gno1
  Replies (15) Good night (5602) Bad night (708) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (415): There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail. http://tfl.nu/6ic6
  Replies (43) Good night (5945) Bad night (1321) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (207): Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina. http://tfl.nu/f26o
  Replies (42) Good night (11310) Bad night (972) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you

  (917): View more from New York City

  Those had pot in them

  (917): View more from New York City

  And good luck on your interview asshole

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you (917): Those had pot in them (917): And good luck on your interview asshole http://tfl.nu/911g
  Replies (49) Good night (16389) Bad night (1134)
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed http://tfl.nu/wvyq
  Replies (59) Good night (12448) Bad night (1952) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls. http://tfl.nu/oc6k
  Replies (36) Good night (1083) Bad night (5797) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (204): View more from Manitoba

  I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"

  (1-204): View more from Manitoba

  you are both the best and worst wingman ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (204): I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?" (1-204): you are both the best and worst wingman ever. http://tfl.nu/2hl0
  Replies (17) Good night (6739) Bad night (811)
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday. http://tfl.nu/tx0i
  Replies (16) Good night (5958) Bad night (853) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (347): View more from New York

  Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (347): Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night..... http://tfl.nu/buh9
  Replies (14) Good night (1478) Bad night (4449) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it http://tfl.nu/9xaf
  Replies (34) Good night (6701) Bad night (921) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender http://tfl.nu/9vxe
  Replies (23) Good night (1659) Bad night (4298) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night. http://tfl.nu/6lcj
  Replies (39) Good night (1035) Bad night (7288) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (813): he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there http://tfl.nu/k2pn
  Replies (14) Good night (6331) Bad night (660) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps http://tfl.nu/dpvm
  Replies (8) Good night (3997) Bad night (776) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked. http://tfl.nu/x6u7
  Replies (6) Good night (4306) Bad night (600) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (804): View more from Virginia

  The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (804): The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in. http://tfl.nu/awzl
  Replies (12) Good night (7966) Bad night (630)
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  what was i wearing?

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  nothing

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress' (508): what was i wearing? (203): nothing http://tfl.nu/2bg6
  Replies (21) Good night (14002) Bad night (767)
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.

  (503): View more from Oregon

  By 8 I mean 9.

  (503): View more from Oregon

  And by 9 I mean 10.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party. (503): By 8 I mean 9. (503): And by 9 I mean 10. http://tfl.nu/vux8
  Replies (62) Good night (2873) Bad night (4638)
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for? http://tfl.nu/9amw
  Replies (18) Good night (4339) Bad night (799) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit" http://tfl.nu/xujf
  Replies (8) Good night (4146) Bad night (1389) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore http://tfl.nu/2pmj
  Replies (38) Good night (4886) Bad night (1261) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (602): View more from Arizona

  Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (602): Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest. http://tfl.nu/apc8
  Replies (36) Good night (8428) Bad night (815) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (480): I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together http://tfl.nu/zzdp
  Replies (50) Good night (3378) Bad night (5177) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (316): View more from Kansas

  toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (316): toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials. http://tfl.nu/kc0s
  Replies (18) Good night (863) Bad night (4621) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (904): Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care? http://tfl.nu/9o7b
  Replies (25) Good night (4430) Bad night (2242) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid! http://tfl.nu/xi6r
  Replies (51) Good night (1110) Bad night (10109)
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (615): You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before http://tfl.nu/c77w
  Replies (37) Good night (1693) Bad night (5577) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (781): I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy. http://tfl.nu/bakf
  Replies (43) Good night (2070) Bad night (7090) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (702): View more from Nevada

  she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (702): she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom. http://tfl.nu/em4c
  Replies (16) Good night (6164) Bad night (680) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass. http://tfl.nu/z2s4
  Replies (17) Good night (525) Bad night (5511) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (862): View more from New Jersey

  Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (862): Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside http://tfl.nu/iwzn
  Replies (23) Good night (1015) Bad night (5155) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (704): He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle. http://tfl.nu/j8z9
  Replies (30) Good night (5482) Bad night (3287)
• Favorite

  (626): View more from California

  she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (626): she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo http://tfl.nu/loae
  Replies (18) Good night (9482) Bad night (995) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (585): View more from New York

  he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (585): he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is? http://tfl.nu/uyol
  Replies (10) Good night (4439) Bad night (726) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila. http://tfl.nu/cfz3
  Replies (26) Good night (4836) Bad night (1709) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (414): My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with. http://tfl.nu/07fq
  Replies (158) Good night (2154) Bad night (11936) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (425): i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life. http://tfl.nu/aawj
  Replies (15) Good night (1312) Bad night (4865) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): All I need in life is some dick and a big mac. http://tfl.nu/2v25
  Replies (65) Good night (6111) Bad night (1103) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (302): View more from Delaware

  I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (302): I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn http://tfl.nu/trfc
  Replies (14) Good night (5071) Bad night (1094) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  you thought your balls were fighting each other...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): you thought your balls were fighting each other... http://tfl.nu/ci9x
  Replies (13) Good night (3808) Bad night (1524) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty http://tfl.nu/6xch
  Replies (14) Good night (4190) Bad night (851) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (219): View more from Indiana

  she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (219): she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade. http://tfl.nu/8ipj
  Replies (11) Good night (3038) Bad night (1114) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic http://tfl.nu/3sfg
  Replies (5) Good night (2828) Bad night (679) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried http://tfl.nu/9dr3
  Replies (49) Good night (14395) Bad night (3326) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas. http://tfl.nu/b72z
  Replies (30) Good night (11358) Bad night (895) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation. http://tfl.nu/5xqx
  Replies (7) Good night (683) Bad night (4286) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets http://tfl.nu/vbys
  Replies (8) Good night (3911) Bad night (827) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (773): At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer? http://tfl.nu/g4aq
  Replies (33) Good night (1455) Bad night (5612) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (413): Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking. http://tfl.nu/aegx
  Replies (11) Good night (784) Bad night (2390) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick. http://tfl.nu/v9tv
  Replies (11) Good night (3692) Bad night (807) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am. http://tfl.nu/8njg
  Replies (6) Good night (874) Bad night (3085) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+31): View more from The Netherlands

  He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+31): He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...? http://tfl.nu/se8t
  Replies (16) Good night (3679) Bad night (1203) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (205): View more from Alabama

  I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (205): I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over http://tfl.nu/18ji
  Replies (22) Good night (909) Bad night (4136) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville. http://tfl.nu/k1x4
  Replies (6) Good night (7667) Bad night (1263) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (806): View more from Texas

  Two words Indian burn...

  (1-806): View more from Texas

  What did she think it was, a shake weight?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (806): Two words Indian burn... (1-806): What did she think it was, a shake weight? http://tfl.nu/39re
  Replies (26) Good night (874) Bad night (5491) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (304): He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too. http://tfl.nu/2www
  Replies (42) Good night (1385) Bad night (13583) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (562): View more from California

  the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (562): the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon... http://tfl.nu/do0i
  Replies (94) Good night (19353) Bad night (1409)
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons http://tfl.nu/ha6n
  Replies (28) Good night (894) Bad night (3841) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (304): He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight. http://tfl.nu/5vdu
  Replies (59) Good night (14182) Bad night (1662) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (937): View more from Ohio

  just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (937): just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy. http://tfl.nu/n1q0
  Replies (17) Good night (1062) Bad night (5456) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (920): He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of... http://tfl.nu/1eiy
  Replies (14) Good night (818) Bad night (4048) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him. http://tfl.nu/quex
  Replies (23) Good night (5604) Bad night (888) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog. http://tfl.nu/lwrd
  Replies (11) Good night (5354) Bad night (854) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (318): View more from Louisiana

  her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (318): her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again http://tfl.nu/8jzt
  Replies (15) Good night (4329) Bad night (1171) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her http://tfl.nu/lmu7
  Replies (10) Good night (3421) Bad night (1015) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (319): View more from Iowa

  Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (319): Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter http://tfl.nu/rgti
  Replies (31) Good night (8784) Bad night (813) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip http://tfl.nu/r0us
  Replies (35) Good night (2027) Bad night (6498) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (954): View more from Florida

  I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (954): I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day. http://tfl.nu/gtxx
  Replies (13) Good night (4896) Bad night (676) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (709): View more from Newfndlnd, Labradr

  How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (709): How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship? http://tfl.nu/5n74
  Replies (30) Good night (1996) Bad night (4339) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (905): View more from Ontario

  oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (905): oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"... http://tfl.nu/xa6k
  Replies (18) Good night (4282) Bad night (1391) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner" http://tfl.nu/76ix
  Replies (11) Good night (5135) Bad night (1359) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (313): View more from Michigan

  The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (313): The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not. http://tfl.nu/y4k4
  Replies (12) Good night (1587) Bad night (5183) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (540): Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations http://tfl.nu/sqlo
  Replies (17) Good night (1617) Bad night (3599) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (269): View more from Michigan

  So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (269): So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing. http://tfl.nu/disx
  Replies (22) Good night (1874) Bad night (5523) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator. http://tfl.nu/lq0c
  Replies (30) Good night (8411) Bad night (1191)
• Favorite

  (804): View more from Virginia

  Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (804): Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday... http://tfl.nu/fzwu
  Replies (36) Good night (7549) Bad night (1049) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (952): View more from Minnesota

  i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (952): i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right. http://tfl.nu/wcm0
  Replies (46) Good night (5229) Bad night (1783) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight http://tfl.nu/z6vl
  Replies (22) Good night (4085) Bad night (1264) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?

  (513): View more from Ohio

  Get out now.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me? (513): Get out now. http://tfl.nu/w3kk
  Replies (56) Good night (7656) Bad night (2157)
• Favorite

  (514): View more from Quebec

  He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (514): He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic. http://tfl.nu/4dpi
  Replies (38) Good night (11422) Bad night (804) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (718): View more from New York

  he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty

  (917): View more from New York City

  smooth operator

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (718): he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty (917): smooth operator http://tfl.nu/2sej
  Replies (25) Good night (7296) Bad night (981)
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned. http://tfl.nu/94k0
  Replies (14) Good night (6315) Bad night (1803) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (715): not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it" http://tfl.nu/1hnw
  Replies (19) Good night (926) Bad night (4827) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  it's like her boobs came off with her bra

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): it's like her boobs came off with her bra http://tfl.nu/ua1r
  Replies (53) Good night (1229) Bad night (14770) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk! http://tfl.nu/z1cd
  Replies (27) Good night (8777) Bad night (3733) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (270): View more from Kentucky

  I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (270): I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die. http://tfl.nu/gibq
  Replies (12) Good night (926) Bad night (4690)
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen http://tfl.nu/pvgu
  Replies (34) Good night (1131) Bad night (8291) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (724): after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger. http://tfl.nu/1s95
  Replies (45) Good night (1043) Bad night (14794) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (509): View more from Washington

  He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (509): He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that. http://tfl.nu/zg72
  Replies (31) Good night (4904) Bad night (1768) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  Are you still at the party or did I leave?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): Are you still at the party or did I leave? http://tfl.nu/pph4
  Replies (18) Good night (6575) Bad night (680) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv. http://tfl.nu/oqts
  Replies (61) Good night (10148) Bad night (1418) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (985): View more from Louisiana

  I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (985): I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now. http://tfl.nu/zv6d
  Replies (6) Good night (5488) Bad night (634)
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well. http://tfl.nu/l70h
  Replies (17) Good night (686) Bad night (5290) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (302): View more from Delaware

  you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.

  (1-302): View more from Delaware

  he's 29.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (302): you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son. (1-302): he's 29. http://tfl.nu/ab19
  Replies (16) Good night (1290) Bad night (4480) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to. http://tfl.nu/sxdr
  Replies (17) Good night (995) Bad night (5419) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (515): View more from Iowa

  in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (515): in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch. http://tfl.nu/88o7
  Replies (20) Good night (9791) Bad night (611) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (304): He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated. http://tfl.nu/okg6
  Replies (8) Good night (3028) Bad night (1088) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (713): View more from Texas

  she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (713): she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful? http://tfl.nu/75hl
  Replies (121) Good night (44043) Bad night (1351)
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this... http://tfl.nu/h8y9
  Replies (49) Good night (11520) Bad night (1244)
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (724): she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it" http://tfl.nu/sq67
  Replies (9) Good night (5361) Bad night (936)
• Favorite

  (706): View more from Georgia

  He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (706): He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times http://tfl.nu/wnel
  Replies (12) Good night (8202) Bad night (1231)
• Favorite

  (858): View more from California

  threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (858): threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter http://tfl.nu/n5bo
  Replies (12) Good night (4261) Bad night (659) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian. http://tfl.nu/oqdk
  Replies (15) Good night (3063) Bad night (941) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (562): View more from California

  So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (562): So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later. http://tfl.nu/b9wm
  Replies (17) Good night (5119) Bad night (707) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (509): View more from Washington

  I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (509): I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here. http://tfl.nu/f99e
  Replies (19) Good night (1169) Bad night (5037) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (641): View more from Iowa

  i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (641): i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that http://tfl.nu/t0hz
  Replies (22) Good night (5156) Bad night (1064) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom. http://tfl.nu/95nr
  Replies (18) Good night (1902) Bad night (3745) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet. http://tfl.nu/slw0
  Replies (9) Good night (3209) Bad night (1191) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (210): View more from Texas

  i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (210): i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation http://tfl.nu/369m
  Replies (13) Good night (4525) Bad night (1307) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well. http://tfl.nu/ul8d
  Replies (12) Good night (4944) Bad night (1246) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife? http://tfl.nu/rjpj
  Replies (34) Good night (1767) Bad night (7969) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor. http://tfl.nu/fx2a
  Replies (4) Good night (2664) Bad night (1613) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (334): View more from Alabama

  she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (334): she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend. http://tfl.nu/rmvr
  Replies (37) Good night (1174) Bad night (5290) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (770): I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later. http://tfl.nu/dwy3
  Replies (34) Good night (616) Bad night (9126) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?! http://tfl.nu/h1we
  Replies (13) Good night (6290) Bad night (741)
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress. http://tfl.nu/96cb
  Replies (24) Good night (4552) Bad night (1197) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (662): View more from Mississippi

  "I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (662): "I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again. http://tfl.nu/9nn9
  Replies (25) Good night (981) Bad night (6328) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+64): View more from New Zealand

  He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+64): He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning http://tfl.nu/zdbu
  Replies (52) Good night (1573) Bad night (7813) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (954): View more from Florida

  tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?

  (1-954): View more from Florida

  Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (954): tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"? (1-954): Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards. http://tfl.nu/k91c
  Replies (72) Good night (10284) Bad night (956)
• Favorite

  (901): View more from Tennessee

  i think i left my bra at your place

  (1-901): View more from Tennessee

  It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (901): i think i left my bra at your place (1-901): It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there. http://tfl.nu/dg7a
  Replies (21) Good night (10157) Bad night (667) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (814): Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder. http://tfl.nu/vt5f
  Replies (11) Good night (3506) Bad night (1136) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge http://tfl.nu/b456
  Replies (9) Good night (719) Bad night (6544) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them! http://tfl.nu/ovo7
  Replies (20) Good night (6172) Bad night (954) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (718): View more from New York

  He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (718): He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race. http://tfl.nu/hbzv
  Replies (28) Good night (5781) Bad night (737) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet" http://tfl.nu/xuid
  Replies (13) Good night (3988) Bad night (1533) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid. http://tfl.nu/7asr
  Replies (12) Good night (4266) Bad night (1383) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (208): View more from Idaho

  She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (208): She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!" http://tfl.nu/qjvm
  Replies (40) Good night (2368) Bad night (8974) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (913): the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me http://tfl.nu/ze1e
  Replies (17) Good night (3855) Bad night (916)
• Favorite

  (323): View more from California

  I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (323): I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning http://tfl.nu/dryp
  Replies (22) Good night (5547) Bad night (828) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned http://tfl.nu/3gli
  Replies (30) Good night (5958) Bad night (919) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (360): It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick http://tfl.nu/navf
  Replies (28) Good night (797) Bad night (8486) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (937): View more from Ohio

  Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (937): Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either http://tfl.nu/8shq
  Replies (27) Good night (705) Bad night (4952) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left. http://tfl.nu/7tek
  Replies (22) Good night (1386) Bad night (9928) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet. http://tfl.nu/rqq2
  Replies (8) Good night (4664) Bad night (812) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high. http://tfl.nu/gyij
  Replies (20) Good night (5738) Bad night (963) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces. http://tfl.nu/5w4e
  Replies (16) Good night (6528) Bad night (607) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (719): View more from Colorado

  Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (719): Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8 http://tfl.nu/2x9k
  Replies (13) Good night (3223) Bad night (2396) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (336): View more from North Carolina

  I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture

  (1-336): View more from North Carolina

  Glad to see your being a lady about this

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (336): I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture (1-336): Glad to see your being a lady about this http://tfl.nu/pcgd
  Replies (49) Good night (8903) Bad night (848) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (408): View more from California

  I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (408): I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class. http://tfl.nu/di0h
  Replies (14) Good night (6486) Bad night (1014) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (734): A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country. http://tfl.nu/okwk
  Replies (84) Good night (12209) Bad night (1050) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?

  (806): View more from Texas

  i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him? (806): i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem. http://tfl.nu/wekp
  Replies (13) Good night (4301) Bad night (977)
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (913): You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup http://tfl.nu/bt9z
  Replies (9) Good night (1039) Bad night (4074) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (801): View more from Utah

  Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first

  (206): View more from Washington

  You are the luckiest man alive

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (801): Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first (206): You are the luckiest man alive http://tfl.nu/uh0h
  Replies (16) Good night (9954) Bad night (1006)
• Favorite

  (786): View more from Florida

  hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (786): hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night. http://tfl.nu/2z1d
  Replies (8) Good night (4622) Bad night (1156) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (618): View more from Illinois

  he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (618): he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns http://tfl.nu/88xb
  Replies (16) Good night (1197) Bad night (5323) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (360): I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood http://tfl.nu/vxnk
  Replies (22) Good night (4904) Bad night (1250)
• Favorite

  (408): View more from California

  He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (408): He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize. http://tfl.nu/u4mt
  Replies (29) Good night (600) Bad night (6238) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (804): View more from Virginia

  she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (804): she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off. http://tfl.nu/ypig
  Replies (26) Good night (5607) Bad night (686) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (312): View more from Illinois

  I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (312): I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night. http://tfl.nu/6of9
  Replies (10) Good night (5910) Bad night (714) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (209): View more from California

  Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (209): Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work. http://tfl.nu/af2i
  Replies (5) Good night (3595) Bad night (525) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (469): View more from Texas

  I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (469): I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom. http://tfl.nu/d1jb
  Replies (9) Good night (683) Bad night (2801) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober. http://tfl.nu/rgt7
  Replies (7) Good night (4252) Bad night (911) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck. http://tfl.nu/i3zz
  Replies (15) Good night (7489) Bad night (802) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me http://tfl.nu/ieav
  Replies (10) Good night (4708) Bad night (574) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while. http://tfl.nu/n1x9
  Replies (24) Good night (5052) Bad night (1120) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (336): View more from North Carolina

  We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (336): We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her http://tfl.nu/niqc
  Replies (14) Good night (1110) Bad night (5090) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date

  (845): View more from New York

  i guess it runs in the family.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date (845): i guess it runs in the family. http://tfl.nu/gfn4
  Replies (6) Good night (5021) Bad night (693)
• Favorite

  (251): View more from Alabama

  The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (251): The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?! http://tfl.nu/t0yf
  Replies (9) Good night (1202) Bad night (2787) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (270): View more from Kentucky

  she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (270): she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah. http://tfl.nu/1uyt
  Replies (30) Good night (9082) Bad night (813) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (414): he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie. http://tfl.nu/pbor
  Replies (16) Good night (560) Bad night (4317) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+82): View more from South Korea

  You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+82): You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes. http://tfl.nu/6vdw
  Replies (7) Good night (5112) Bad night (816) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee http://tfl.nu/57zq
  Replies (20) Good night (8124) Bad night (772) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (507): View more from Minnesota

  Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (507): Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over. http://tfl.nu/ztri
  Replies (7) Good night (2253) Bad night (1367) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time http://tfl.nu/ixfn
  Replies (44) Good night (6968) Bad night (3712) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (253): View more from Washington

  she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (253): she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time. http://tfl.nu/yrce
  Replies (47) Good night (1415) Bad night (8069) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (843): The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson. http://tfl.nu/6x6n
  Replies (22) Good night (1401) Bad night (5284) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water... http://tfl.nu/8ncn
  Replies (12) Good night (6373) Bad night (958) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (209): View more from California

  I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (209): I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him. http://tfl.nu/e78z
  Replies (25) Good night (7317) Bad night (686) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know? http://tfl.nu/fcdy
  Replies (7) Good night (842) Bad night (3703) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus. http://tfl.nu/iii0
  Replies (15) Good night (1200) Bad night (5004) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships... http://tfl.nu/1r9u
  Replies (42) Good night (2884) Bad night (6376) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (403): I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night. http://tfl.nu/12y8
  Replies (9) Good night (5697) Bad night (897) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (415): This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck. http://tfl.nu/wwj8
  Replies (14) Good night (647) Bad night (6647) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (765): View more from Indiana

  I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (765): I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work. http://tfl.nu/q42i
  Replies (33) Good night (5559) Bad night (2593) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right? http://tfl.nu/xt5v
  Replies (37) Good night (4871) Bad night (688) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out. http://tfl.nu/g8zl
  Replies (27) Good night (5124) Bad night (2236) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (325): View more from Texas

  how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (325): how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit http://tfl.nu/gfh9
  Replies (45) Good night (5041) Bad night (835) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (434): View more from Virginia

  Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (434): Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore. http://tfl.nu/10x7
  Replies (11) Good night (4048) Bad night (650) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (210): View more from Texas

  I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (210): I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano http://tfl.nu/qhs9
  Replies (22) Good night (822) Bad night (5931) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (814): Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water http://tfl.nu/ivkw
  Replies (14) Good night (5013) Bad night (779) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (541): Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk http://tfl.nu/l5et
  Replies (7) Good night (4022) Bad night (977) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples. http://tfl.nu/l51o
  Replies (10) Good night (814) Bad night (2792) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (321): mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday. http://tfl.nu/054y
  Replies (10) Good night (4815) Bad night (672) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (360): I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink. http://tfl.nu/xse5
  Replies (6) Good night (4223) Bad night (535) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (925): After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup. http://tfl.nu/n6kw
  Replies (17) Good night (4163) Bad night (726) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away http://tfl.nu/s83j
  Replies (6) Good night (3557) Bad night (656) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant." http://tfl.nu/1fxo
  Replies (8) Good night (5342) Bad night (704)
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed http://tfl.nu/z8ll
  Replies (6) Good night (708) Bad night (3702) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (216): View more from Ohio

  my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (216): my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win. http://tfl.nu/rx98
  Replies (15) Good night (3266) Bad night (1297) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (336): View more from North Carolina

  This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (336): This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard. http://tfl.nu/5chf
  Replies (36) Good night (5713) Bad night (759) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in. http://tfl.nu/z4b8
  Replies (9) Good night (5059) Bad night (1889) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky http://tfl.nu/igrt
  Replies (26) Good night (4084) Bad night (1635) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents. http://tfl.nu/ynsx
  Replies (13) Good night (676) Bad night (4928) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (920): So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again. http://tfl.nu/54yy
  Replies (18) Good night (1626) Bad night (5870) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (903): View more from Texas

  Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (903): Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later http://tfl.nu/a1zy
  Replies (19) Good night (8218) Bad night (639) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (989): View more from Michigan

  It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (989): It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat. http://tfl.nu/ln17
  Replies (28) Good night (5642) Bad night (1054) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake http://tfl.nu/w9rn
  Replies (8) Good night (2125) Bad night (5127) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (267): So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from. http://tfl.nu/6xgn
  Replies (14) Good night (3457) Bad night (944) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (802): View more from Vermont

  every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (802): every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin. http://tfl.nu/un5l
  Replies (18) Good night (7643) Bad night (784)
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic. http://tfl.nu/5aat
  Replies (35) Good night (5934) Bad night (840) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore http://tfl.nu/vh83
  Replies (25) Good night (1230) Bad night (6612) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name. http://tfl.nu/imhe
  Replies (63) Good night (6396) Bad night (1879) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis. http://tfl.nu/3s19
  Replies (45) Good night (8304) Bad night (1815) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (336): View more from North Carolina

  He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (336): He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth" http://tfl.nu/505h
  Replies (11) Good night (3397) Bad night (1836) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me. http://tfl.nu/2kto
  Replies (13) Good night (6019) Bad night (890) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page? http://tfl.nu/st43
  Replies (19) Good night (628) Bad night (6246) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (502): View more from Kentucky

  She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (502): She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor. http://tfl.nu/3ap9
  Replies (10) Good night (4492) Bad night (1197) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?" http://tfl.nu/1ge9
  Replies (29) Good night (807) Bad night (8014) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis. http://tfl.nu/iuvq
  Replies (28) Good night (5679) Bad night (681) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  I'm full of awesome ideas

  (972): View more from Texas

  Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): I'm full of awesome ideas (972): Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs... http://tfl.nu/g4si
  Replies (20) Good night (4276) Bad night (927)
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands. http://tfl.nu/6i6m
  Replies (22) Good night (616) Bad night (4309) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  we've started having sober sex

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  you really do like him

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): we've started having sober sex (203): you really do like him http://tfl.nu/ocmd
  Replies (19) Good night (8256) Bad night (606)
• Favorite

  (707): View more from California

  You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (707): You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative http://tfl.nu/7tsg
  Replies (15) Good night (904) Bad night (5354) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (773): Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom. http://tfl.nu/dmbr
  Replies (16) Good night (1848) Bad night (6336) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously. http://tfl.nu/nqmc
  Replies (41) Good night (771) Bad night (5936) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (210): View more from Texas

  she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (210): she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate? http://tfl.nu/d0z4
  Replies (19) Good night (4344) Bad night (2009) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink. http://tfl.nu/tx6g
  Replies (24) Good night (8941) Bad night (813) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight. http://tfl.nu/3ozf
  Replies (53) Good night (9368) Bad night (1070) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (360): All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together. http://tfl.nu/fujj
  Replies (13) Good night (4750) Bad night (939) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (702): View more from Nevada

  I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (702): I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high. http://tfl.nu/9ove
  Replies (27) Good night (1085) Bad night (4855) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (785): View more from Kansas

  There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (785): There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob. http://tfl.nu/pwq0
  Replies (26) Good night (4303) Bad night (2146) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (606): View more from Kentucky

  I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (606): I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped. http://tfl.nu/y7kh
  Replies (14) Good night (619) Bad night (3376) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?" http://tfl.nu/juih
  Replies (11) Good night (5462) Bad night (1170)
• Favorite

  (778): View more from British Columbia

  working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (778): working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out. http://tfl.nu/5n9v
  Replies (37) Good night (604) Bad night (6063) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (916): View more from California

  She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (916): She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk. http://tfl.nu/9b1u
  Replies (17) Good night (1060) Bad night (5425) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!" http://tfl.nu/74ai
  Replies (9) Good night (1249) Bad night (5454) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (415): I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?" http://tfl.nu/fnwu
  Replies (11) Good night (7529) Bad night (684) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (850): Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual. http://tfl.nu/97w0
  Replies (44) Good night (12453) Bad night (813)
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth? http://tfl.nu/ukqr
  Replies (21) Good night (4862) Bad night (1040) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (870): View more from Arkansas

  Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (870): Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty" http://tfl.nu/dezg
  Replies (13) Good night (862) Bad night (4092) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (907): View more from Alaska

  the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (907): the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas http://tfl.nu/bksv
  Replies (42) Good night (4394) Bad night (679) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+44): we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again http://tfl.nu/6h6m
  Replies (13) Good night (3378) Bad night (781) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on http://tfl.nu/80ye
  Replies (12) Good night (3486) Bad night (1688)
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore. http://tfl.nu/i7wi
  Replies (19) Good night (3575) Bad night (864) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together. http://tfl.nu/95cx
  Replies (17) Good night (4707) Bad night (971) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday http://tfl.nu/c2dx
  Replies (12) Good night (4431) Bad night (673) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize. http://tfl.nu/694m
  Replies (8) Good night (4117) Bad night (776) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (208): View more from Idaho

  I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (208): I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age. http://tfl.nu/hp0x
  Replies (28) Good night (5539) Bad night (693) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank" (201): hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins http://tfl.nu/g5wh
  Replies (41) Good night (4123) Bad night (1044)
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty. http://tfl.nu/d4ib
  Replies (9) Good night (4873) Bad night (697) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd. http://tfl.nu/3wwu
  Replies (20) Good night (5836) Bad night (887) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home. http://tfl.nu/ffng
  Replies (34) Good night (5718) Bad night (2761) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name. http://tfl.nu/axbm
  Replies (33) Good night (1121) Bad night (13059) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (831): View more from California

  It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (831): It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics http://tfl.nu/i199
  Replies (14) Good night (6097) Bad night (736) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (912): View more from Georgia

  It's shedding

  (1-912): View more from Georgia

  I told you penises don't tan

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (912): It's shedding (1-912): I told you penises don't tan http://tfl.nu/7fx9
  Replies (43) Good night (1063) Bad night (9744) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (734): she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help. http://tfl.nu/iorj
  Replies (29) Good night (1178) Bad night (4852) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (810): View more from Michigan

  Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (810): Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever. http://tfl.nu/u46n
  Replies (21) Good night (4825) Bad night (1580) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (312): View more from Illinois

  just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (312): just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes. http://tfl.nu/gk7e
  Replies (15) Good night (1212) Bad night (3307) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (205): View more from Alabama

  we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (205): we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with. http://tfl.nu/n5zf
  Replies (5) Good night (604) Bad night (3282) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (619): I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person. http://tfl.nu/uqdv
  Replies (53) Good night (1477) Bad night (5533) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (740): View more from Ohio

  Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (740): Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty http://tfl.nu/686x
  Replies (11) Good night (517) Bad night (4023) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (409): View more from Texas

  First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (409): First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance. http://tfl.nu/3lur
  Replies (32) Good night (9047) Bad night (1567) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (480): I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch http://tfl.nu/8f48
  Replies (12) Good night (4101) Bad night (581) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (651): He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient. http://tfl.nu/9tdu
  Replies (19) Good night (853) Bad night (6175) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (918): Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across http://tfl.nu/uhsj
  Replies (11) Good night (3344) Bad night (786) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves http://tfl.nu/mggy
  Replies (20) Good night (5796) Bad night (971) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  What?

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (484): THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH. (610): What? (484): A TROUGH FOR VOMIT. http://tfl.nu/8z8s
  Replies (17) Good night (3366) Bad night (2771)
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008. http://tfl.nu/vkb0
  Replies (9) Good night (4414) Bad night (550) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us. http://tfl.nu/5cyi
  Replies (12) Good night (5533) Bad night (1262) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (551): View more from New Jersey

  i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (551): i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me http://tfl.nu/tacv
  Replies (12) Good night (963) Bad night (2933) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (989): View more from Michigan

  i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (989): i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen http://tfl.nu/envk
  Replies (9) Good night (977) Bad night (4912) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (765): View more from Indiana

  let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (765): let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment. http://tfl.nu/novi
  Replies (17) Good night (6722) Bad night (697)
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late. http://tfl.nu/bosu
  Replies (17) Good night (4664) Bad night (916)
• Favorite

  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (780): I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop. http://tfl.nu/zx6t
  Replies (31) Good night (5128) Bad night (643) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs. http://tfl.nu/uj0s
  Replies (19) Good night (6852) Bad night (676)
• Favorite

  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (414): saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings http://tfl.nu/clzp
  Replies (13) Good night (2647) Bad night (4504) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party. http://tfl.nu/y163
  Replies (17) Good night (4354) Bad night (847) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions. http://tfl.nu/pgpr
  Replies (16) Good night (5548) Bad night (722) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (714): drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well. http://tfl.nu/2mtg
  Replies (26) Good night (7769) Bad night (1102) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (207): i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship http://tfl.nu/kphu
  Replies (13) Good night (1573) Bad night (3502) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount http://tfl.nu/p3jz
  Replies (10) Good night (4984) Bad night (913) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life http://tfl.nu/k9mo
  Replies (16) Good night (4358) Bad night (1115) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (813): His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up. http://tfl.nu/dgzw
  Replies (35) Good night (1251) Bad night (4038) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (901): View more from Tennessee

  Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.

  (760): View more from California

  Wow.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (901): Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered. (760): Wow. http://tfl.nu/1wu1
  Replies (16) Good night (3922) Bad night (1181)
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that? http://tfl.nu/r8k1
  Replies (43) Good night (955) Bad night (8488) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (925): Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here. http://tfl.nu/dbsi
  Replies (9) Good night (3324) Bad night (747) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  the worst part is we had a camera rolling

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  Yes.

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  I have to watch that.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): the worst part is we had a camera rolling (267): Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys? (215): Yes. (267): I have to watch that. http://tfl.nu/u325
  Replies (30) Good night (4997) Bad night (1070)
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (913): he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness. http://tfl.nu/hbrf
  Replies (10) Good night (743) Bad night (4339) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (205): View more from Alabama

  I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (205): I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow. http://tfl.nu/44vh
  Replies (14) Good night (4361) Bad night (1209) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (312): View more from Illinois

  Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.

  (1-312): View more from Illinois

  None of that is ok.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (312): Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there. (1-312): None of that is ok. http://tfl.nu/fi6r
  Replies (38) Good night (5136) Bad night (3366)
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire http://tfl.nu/ncts
  Replies (10) Good night (4722) Bad night (1311) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+44): according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag http://tfl.nu/idf5
  Replies (34) Good night (1328) Bad night (4917) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (985): View more from Louisiana

  It's like a mixture of two words

  (985): View more from Louisiana

  "town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (985): It's like a mixture of two words (985): "town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now" http://tfl.nu/homf
  Replies (8) Good night (2853) Bad night (715)
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it. http://tfl.nu/m8zx
  Replies (13) Good night (5019) Bad night (1073) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (705): View more from Ontario

  It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (705): It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed. http://tfl.nu/ac0o
  Replies (16) Good night (692) Bad night (5929) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (713): View more from Texas

  Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (713): Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds http://tfl.nu/uf3z
  Replies (11) Good night (4503) Bad night (578) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (416): View more from Toronto

  Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?

  (416): View more from Toronto

  Better looking than her though please.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (416): Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with? (416): Better looking than her though please. http://tfl.nu/bks1
  Replies (29) Good night (1739) Bad night (5772)
• Favorite

  (601): View more from Mississippi

  We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (601): We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month http://tfl.nu/d8l1
  Replies (25) Good night (5097) Bad night (870) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (618): View more from Illinois

  It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (618): It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over. http://tfl.nu/n4d4
  Replies (43) Good night (759) Bad night (8391) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.

  (1-513): View more from Ohio

  Not having phil's child is good enough.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize. (1-513): Not having phil's child is good enough. http://tfl.nu/zrt3
  Replies (19) Good night (6071) Bad night (681) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (509): View more from Washington

  She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (509): She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after http://tfl.nu/tns7
  Replies (38) Good night (13934) Bad night (714) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  She tied me up with her honor cords...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (608): She tied me up with her honor cords... http://tfl.nu/y0v2
  Replies (29) Good night (10533) Bad night (659) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (305): View more from Florida

  Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (305): Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend. http://tfl.nu/xxmf
  Replies (6) Good night (3672) Bad night (605) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (267): how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch? http://tfl.nu/7fe5
  Replies (16) Good night (4777) Bad night (801) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much. http://tfl.nu/q4wr
  Replies (22) Good night (4445) Bad night (1104) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (224): View more from Illinois

  so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (224): so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now. http://tfl.nu/4hn1
  Replies (33) Good night (12004) Bad night (1034)
• Favorite

  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (403): Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it. http://tfl.nu/0g8l
  Replies (45) Good night (729) Bad night (9266) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix… http://tfl.nu/f2fy
  Replies (3) Good night (1930) Bad night (651) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (613): View more from Ontario

  I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (613): I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's. http://tfl.nu/yr3w
  Replies (11) Good night (775) Bad night (4040) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey. http://tfl.nu/pfjh
  Replies (19) Good night (6252) Bad night (690) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'. http://tfl.nu/h82o
  Replies (13) Good night (3436) Bad night (930) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night http://tfl.nu/sszo
  Replies (4) Good night (1165) Bad night (2530) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (806): View more from Texas

  at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (806): at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap. http://tfl.nu/nba1
  Replies (19) Good night (718) Bad night (7349) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (704): he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen. http://tfl.nu/oi0t
  Replies (26) Good night (8589) Bad night (840) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (916): View more from California

  Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (916): Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool? http://tfl.nu/8wpx
  Replies (15) Good night (6272) Bad night (1172) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (803): just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one http://tfl.nu/7c6m
  Replies (12) Good night (3714) Bad night (1187) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (318): View more from Louisiana

  This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (318): This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out. http://tfl.nu/skdx
  Replies (17) Good night (7525) Bad night (733)
• Favorite

  (916): View more from California

  i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (916): i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget http://tfl.nu/82uy
  Replies (7) Good night (3727) Bad night (750) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire. http://tfl.nu/5e7s
  Replies (9) Good night (5833) Bad night (1248) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (734): Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom http://tfl.nu/itfy
  Replies (47) Good night (21228) Bad night (911) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (409): View more from Texas

  We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus

  (1-409): View more from Texas

  How are you texting me from 1998?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (409): We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus (1-409): How are you texting me from 1998? http://tfl.nu/t1vq
  Replies (27) Good night (8135) Bad night (814) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (916): View more from California

  We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (916): We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever. http://tfl.nu/dui8
  Replies (12) Good night (3727) Bad night (972) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (262): I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am http://tfl.nu/wxgn
  Replies (7) Good night (3832) Bad night (755) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed? http://tfl.nu/66dn
  Replies (15) Good night (594) Bad night (6259) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook. http://tfl.nu/wajd
  Replies (18) Good night (5405) Bad night (1200) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life http://tfl.nu/jc1p
  Replies (13) Good night (3376) Bad night (864) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (856): View more from New Jersey

  Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (856): Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing. http://tfl.nu/px2y
  Replies (15) Good night (3919) Bad night (770) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs http://tfl.nu/yswk
  Replies (18) Good night (9962) Bad night (848) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (219): View more from Indiana

  My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (219): My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout? http://tfl.nu/0knj
  Replies (24) Good night (5411) Bad night (2058) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (954): View more from Florida

  If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (954): If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down. http://tfl.nu/14pp
  Replies (6) Good night (3656) Bad night (560) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist http://tfl.nu/26ue
  Replies (6) Good night (4631) Bad night (726) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.

  (607): View more from New York

  Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone. (607): Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend. http://tfl.nu/z2i9
  Replies (7) Good night (5480) Bad night (643)
• Favorite

  (563): View more from Iowa

  The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (563): The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic. http://tfl.nu/t1x0
  Replies (10) Good night (4390) Bad night (775) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'. http://tfl.nu/kkmi
  Replies (12) Good night (5557) Bad night (1000) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (325): View more from Texas

  I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (325): I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well. http://tfl.nu/zrfa
  Replies (19) Good night (6535) Bad night (1041) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (806): View more from Texas

  Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (806): Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one. http://tfl.nu/nt34
  Replies (4) Good night (2837) Bad night (722) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval. http://tfl.nu/2acf
  Replies (16) Good night (6170) Bad night (729) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend http://tfl.nu/ip7i
  Replies (18) Good night (4265) Bad night (902) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left http://tfl.nu/kqqk
  Replies (26) Good night (4824) Bad night (1408) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (601): View more from Mississippi

  "Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (601): "Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move http://tfl.nu/qn14
  Replies (10) Good night (883) Bad night (3028) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (541): You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth http://tfl.nu/plwz
  Replies (47) Good night (972) Bad night (5323) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis. http://tfl.nu/bygw
  Replies (14) Good night (1070) Bad night (5264) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie. http://tfl.nu/a7k2
  Replies (13) Good night (579) Bad night (3290) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010' http://tfl.nu/beuj
  Replies (9) Good night (6210) Bad night (685) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (240): View more from Maryland

  He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (240): He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter. http://tfl.nu/87g5
  Replies (53) Good night (1634) Bad night (13232) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (504): View more from Louisiana

  Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (504): Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind. http://tfl.nu/yydb
  Replies (23) Good night (4690) Bad night (1577) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (903): View more from Texas

  omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (903): omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal. http://tfl.nu/qev8
  Replies (26) Good night (16475) Bad night (834) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (763): View more from Minnesota

  I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (763): I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium http://tfl.nu/c873
  Replies (10) Good night (3971) Bad night (874)
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing. http://tfl.nu/2hrq
  Replies (8) Good night (579) Bad night (3657) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (718): View more from New York

  I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (718): I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there. http://tfl.nu/dv4v
  Replies (13) Good night (4029) Bad night (1099) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck. http://tfl.nu/4mwl
  Replies (18) Good night (4622) Bad night (1763) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you. http://tfl.nu/btkl
  Replies (11) Good night (6344) Bad night (793) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (780): I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar. http://tfl.nu/tmrj
  Replies (15) Good night (3569) Bad night (1194) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (205): View more from Alabama

  Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (205): Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia http://tfl.nu/0tpw
  Replies (28) Good night (5773) Bad night (1473) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job. http://tfl.nu/3lp9
  Replies (13) Good night (5392) Bad night (862) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (480): Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath. http://tfl.nu/qi8i
  Replies (9) Good night (3387) Bad night (918) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (504): View more from Louisiana

  You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (504): You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning http://tfl.nu/qlbe
  Replies (39) Good night (5064) Bad night (1561) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part. http://tfl.nu/7yrx
  Replies (8) Good night (4855) Bad night (815) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (740): View more from Ohio

  Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (740): Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins. http://tfl.nu/qxz4
  Replies (38) Good night (7954) Bad night (784) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (570): I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob http://tfl.nu/rxex
  Replies (22) Good night (730) Bad night (11229) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians. http://tfl.nu/73dw
  Replies (13) Good night (5770) Bad night (1282) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification. http://tfl.nu/d300
  Replies (12) Good night (5704) Bad night (673) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going. http://tfl.nu/roti
  Replies (45) Good night (1688) Bad night (4629) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (864): View more from South Carolina

  I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (864): I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me? http://tfl.nu/6foj
  Replies (4) Good night (4158) Bad night (653) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (972): View more from Texas

  oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (972): oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut http://tfl.nu/kqx7
  Replies (4) Good night (507) Bad night (3110) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (803): Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops. http://tfl.nu/javd
  Replies (23) Good night (5027) Bad night (930) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (406): View more from Montana

  I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (406): I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing. http://tfl.nu/w8ww
  Replies (7) Good night (5051) Bad night (938) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (509): View more from Washington

  He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (509): He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother. http://tfl.nu/97xz
  Replies (20) Good night (5845) Bad night (973) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (210): View more from Texas

  they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (210): they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird http://tfl.nu/vuhd
  Replies (11) Good night (5841) Bad night (1253) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (517): View more from Michigan

  Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (517): Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair http://tfl.nu/ktbm
  Replies (10) Good night (676) Bad night (7817) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption. http://tfl.nu/47c6
  Replies (24) Good night (5757) Bad night (872) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock

  (347): View more from New York

  I THOUGHT I SAW YOU

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock (347): I THOUGHT I SAW YOU http://tfl.nu/jrv0
  Replies (27) Good night (12738) Bad night (1707)
• Favorite

  (210): View more from Texas

  i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (210): i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue http://tfl.nu/p7ux
  Replies (5) Good night (4171) Bad night (654) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia http://tfl.nu/pfmm
  Replies (9) Good night (4340) Bad night (667)
• Favorite

  (419): View more from Ohio

  Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (419): Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems http://tfl.nu/onz0
  Replies (3) Good night (1045) Bad night (2612) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win. http://tfl.nu/r148
  Replies (13) Good night (8304) Bad night (627) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (718): View more from New York

  bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch

  (917): View more from New York City

  I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (718): bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch (917): I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation http://tfl.nu/gosl
  Replies (40) Good night (34725) Bad night (1079)
• Favorite

  (763): View more from Minnesota

  My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (763): My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries. http://tfl.nu/9ep5
  Replies (8) Good night (4496) Bad night (1013) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (269): View more from Michigan

  i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (269): i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week http://tfl.nu/99uq
  Replies (26) Good night (6186) Bad night (733) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (712): View more from Iowa

  i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (712): i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm. http://tfl.nu/clwu
  Replies (8) Good night (3413) Bad night (716) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (606): View more from Kentucky

  I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (606): I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?" http://tfl.nu/ecul
  Replies (55) Good night (780) Bad night (4796) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (267): i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough. http://tfl.nu/ija6
  Replies (28) Good night (1761) Bad night (6467) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them http://tfl.nu/szer
  Replies (14) Good night (2073) Bad night (6084) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (256): View more from Alabama

  she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (256): she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy. http://tfl.nu/z1ta
  Replies (80) Good night (2276) Bad night (7734) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles. http://tfl.nu/wcsn
  Replies (9) Good night (3239) Bad night (795) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (706): View more from Georgia

  Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (706): Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge. http://tfl.nu/gb8a
  Replies (29) Good night (4094) Bad night (768)
• Favorite

  (601): View more from Mississippi

  High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (601): High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way http://tfl.nu/xf3z
  Replies (9) Good night (1217) Bad night (3081) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (403): we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now. http://tfl.nu/goi4
  Replies (16) Good night (5405) Bad night (706) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (321): Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking http://tfl.nu/fefy
  Replies (39) Good night (7173) Bad night (765) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (231): View more from Michigan

  We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (231): We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee http://tfl.nu/m4t7
  Replies (33) Good night (1235) Bad night (3969) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (858): View more from California

  Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (858): Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it http://tfl.nu/r7l5
  Replies (16) Good night (5001) Bad night (712) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system. http://tfl.nu/14j2
  Replies (16) Good night (877) Bad night (3718)
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (405): Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward. http://tfl.nu/6x5x
  Replies (15) Good night (1099) Bad night (6566) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (339): View more from Massachusetts

  He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.

  (1-203): View more from Connecticut

  And you didn't burst into flames?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (339): He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church. (1-203): And you didn't burst into flames? http://tfl.nu/aa0l
  Replies (14) Good night (4934) Bad night (676) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat. http://tfl.nu/ob9t
  Replies (28) Good night (8652) Bad night (626) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool

  (386): View more from Florida

  It could be our claim to fame

  (904): View more from Florida

  Done. I'll pack a cooler.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (904): And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool (386): It could be our claim to fame (904): Done. I'll pack a cooler. http://tfl.nu/te4d
  Replies (10) Good night (3401) Bad night (638)
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  that would be two times in a week with two different guys.

  (913): View more from Kansas

  they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): that would be two times in a week with two different guys. (913): they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right? http://tfl.nu/b8ql
  Replies (21) Good night (3853) Bad night (873)
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11. http://tfl.nu/hmrj
  Replies (37) Good night (811) Bad night (8840) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me. http://tfl.nu/6xgz
  Replies (39) Good night (599) Bad night (7231) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (530): View more from California

  you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (530): you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars" http://tfl.nu/ujcf
  Replies (7) Good night (4516) Bad night (627) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time http://tfl.nu/x6gg
  Replies (21) Good night (848) Bad night (5184) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (601): View more from Mississippi

  Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (601): Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ... http://tfl.nu/f5g8
  Replies (33) Good night (1074) Bad night (3955) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (604): View more from British Columbia

  I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (604): I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard. http://tfl.nu/0z3w
  Replies (15) Good night (4174) Bad night (533) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos. http://tfl.nu/bkr9
  Replies (23) Good night (4978) Bad night (1081) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters (973): i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet http://tfl.nu/povn
  Replies (11) Good night (2183) Bad night (687)
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did. http://tfl.nu/l0um
  Replies (22) Good night (3449) Bad night (689) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college. http://tfl.nu/9ey3
  Replies (9) Good night (3784) Bad night (660) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (250): View more from British Columbia

  They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (250): They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am http://tfl.nu/0rv3
  Replies (3) Good night (3025) Bad night (917)
• Favorite

  (269): View more from Michigan

  He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (269): He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better. http://tfl.nu/o020
  Replies (21) Good night (5166) Bad night (1494) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found... http://tfl.nu/titb
  Replies (15) Good night (9322) Bad night (698) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (949): View more from California

  I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (949): I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people. http://tfl.nu/vbtd
  Replies (13) Good night (6529) Bad night (649)
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works. http://tfl.nu/of7z
  Replies (14) Good night (777) Bad night (5464) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep http://tfl.nu/xep7
  Replies (41) Good night (17438) Bad night (800) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment. http://tfl.nu/yr4f
  Replies (10) Good night (2989) Bad night (1575) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm. http://tfl.nu/gfgw
  Replies (13) Good night (4518) Bad night (1216) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (856): View more from New Jersey

  Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (856): Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen. http://tfl.nu/fxno
  Replies (32) Good night (746) Bad night (8053) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (207): so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out. http://tfl.nu/wz4e
  Replies (16) Good night (3817) Bad night (846) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2 (908): Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked? http://tfl.nu/yka4
  Replies (14) Good night (4972) Bad night (1645)
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression." http://tfl.nu/hom0
  Replies (11) Good night (891) Bad night (3784) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+44): Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x http://tfl.nu/rt6u
  Replies (10) Good night (7486) Bad night (867)
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (913): Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla. http://tfl.nu/bslp
  Replies (12) Good night (1298) Bad night (4125) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (901): View more from Tennessee

  we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (901): we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly. http://tfl.nu/dwqa
  Replies (57) Good night (1203) Bad night (13910) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (540): my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited. http://tfl.nu/8ftm
  Replies (26) Good night (15546) Bad night (692) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  Hello wreck, this is your train calling.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): Hello wreck, this is your train calling. http://tfl.nu/qxsk
  Replies (13) Good night (5259) Bad night (901) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (517): View more from Michigan

  Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (517): Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops. http://tfl.nu/nf4z
  Replies (9) Good night (3977) Bad night (636) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (205): View more from Alabama

  Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (205): Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong http://tfl.nu/oa40
  Replies (9) Good night (4834) Bad night (640) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss

  (301): View more from Maryland

  OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?

  (518): View more from New York

  Doritoesssssss

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss (301): OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with? (518): Doritoesssssss http://tfl.nu/528p
  Replies (41) Good night (12478) Bad night (869)
• Favorite

  (216): View more from Ohio

  As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (216): As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks. http://tfl.nu/d4mm
  Replies (14) Good night (845) Bad night (3997) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (863): View more from Florida

  And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (863): And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard http://tfl.nu/4drm
  Replies (22) Good night (7711) Bad night (639) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it. http://tfl.nu/iun7
  Replies (15) Good night (1545) Bad night (3729) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby... http://tfl.nu/0zej
  Replies (17) Good night (1469) Bad night (5335) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you? http://tfl.nu/o1lb
  Replies (26) Good night (912) Bad night (5140) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (419): View more from Ohio

  you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (419): you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you http://tfl.nu/zo5g
  Replies (7) Good night (3759) Bad night (943)
• Favorite

  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (262): Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now http://tfl.nu/184c
  Replies (45) Good night (1112) Bad night (7602) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (954): View more from Florida

  so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (954): so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine http://tfl.nu/9kja
  Replies (30) Good night (2715) Bad night (4677) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (773): My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended. http://tfl.nu/c9ao
  Replies (38) Good night (1190) Bad night (3475) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (661): View more from California

  I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (661): I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck. http://tfl.nu/we3a
  Replies (21) Good night (3312) Bad night (1471) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (702): View more from Nevada

  Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.

  (1-702): View more from Nevada

  Yeah, but four times?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (702): Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it. (1-702): Yeah, but four times? http://tfl.nu/x8r7
  Replies (30) Good night (6470) Bad night (1297) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him. http://tfl.nu/ayc4
  Replies (47) Good night (1211) Bad night (4081) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee. http://tfl.nu/dm1b
  Replies (44) Good night (1215) Bad night (6159)
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina http://tfl.nu/hz6e
  Replies (28) Good night (768) Bad night (9179) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (810): View more from Michigan

  Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (810): Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs http://tfl.nu/dxeo
  Replies (13) Good night (8199) Bad night (920)
• Favorite

  (+61): View more from Australia

  When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+61): When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back. http://tfl.nu/58ah
  Replies (35) Good night (911) Bad night (6951)
• Favorite

  (865): View more from Tennessee

  He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (865): He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears http://tfl.nu/nyec
  Replies (28) Good night (962) Bad night (7988) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (309): View more from Illinois

  My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (309): My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead. http://tfl.nu/49y2
  Replies (14) Good night (941) Bad night (4692) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me. http://tfl.nu/z6ig
  Replies (20) Good night (8932) Bad night (1080) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (781): I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house. http://tfl.nu/8emi
  Replies (13) Good night (5161) Bad night (875)
• Favorite

  (+49): View more from Germany

  Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+49): Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face http://tfl.nu/4iya
  Replies (26) Good night (10802) Bad night (1301) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (949): View more from California

  The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (949): The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women. http://tfl.nu/zhxo
  Replies (22) Good night (5704) Bad night (2250) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit. http://tfl.nu/yacj
  Replies (22) Good night (997) Bad night (5091) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning? http://tfl.nu/g5lh
  Replies (4) Good night (1175) Bad night (4446) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever. http://tfl.nu/t3hd
  Replies (6) Good night (819) Bad night (3405) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time http://tfl.nu/w7q6
  Replies (13) Good night (7164) Bad night (657) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice. http://tfl.nu/19fo
  Replies (6) Good night (3103) Bad night (606) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (619): woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word. http://tfl.nu/lmgd
  Replies (20) Good night (5506) Bad night (1008) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (484): I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere. http://tfl.nu/zvpn
  Replies (20) Good night (4986) Bad night (751) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (416): View more from Toronto

  We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (416): We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard? http://tfl.nu/skft
  Replies (12) Good night (5510) Bad night (593)
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.

  (478): View more from Georgia

  I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit. (478): I'll get my vaginal cartography poster. http://tfl.nu/m8ec
  Replies (28) Good night (5468) Bad night (875)
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ. http://tfl.nu/s7ef
  Replies (30) Good night (12892) Bad night (829) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (918): Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one http://tfl.nu/ihc6
  Replies (22) Good night (726) Bad night (10808) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (434): View more from Virginia

  i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (434): i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome http://tfl.nu/lk4z
  Replies (37) Good night (8498) Bad night (823) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter. http://tfl.nu/ujkx
  Replies (6) Good night (8452) Bad night (800)
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (415): Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only. http://tfl.nu/ffub
  Replies (7) Good night (4529) Bad night (716) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (604): View more from British Columbia

  5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (604): 5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real. http://tfl.nu/vlat
  Replies (7) Good night (4726) Bad night (794) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (754): View more from Florida

  you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (754): you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence. http://tfl.nu/syql
  Replies (16) Good night (4047) Bad night (747) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (210): View more from Texas

  Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (210): Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer http://tfl.nu/6bxa
  Replies (16) Good night (5240) Bad night (703)
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going. http://tfl.nu/q9ws
  Replies (16) Good night (1112) Bad night (6406) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (270): View more from Kentucky

  they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (270): they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out.. http://tfl.nu/o5dk
  Replies (19) Good night (5301) Bad night (949) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (951): View more from California

  my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (951): my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands. http://tfl.nu/553v
  Replies (21) Good night (4122) Bad night (821) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (602): View more from Arizona

  You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (602): You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary. http://tfl.nu/hnqx
  Replies (24) Good night (5074) Bad night (755) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while. http://tfl.nu/clpn
  Replies (15) Good night (4156) Bad night (1039) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (224): View more from Illinois

  I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (224): I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week. http://tfl.nu/ba7c
  Replies (13) Good night (3072) Bad night (1659) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn. http://tfl.nu/9axz
  Replies (30) Good night (6752) Bad night (825) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?

  (1-203): View more from Connecticut

  Good morning to you

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday? (1-203): Good morning to you http://tfl.nu/rc7c
  Replies (12) Good night (4529) Bad night (1779) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (714): i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock http://tfl.nu/oxvs
  Replies (14) Good night (5787) Bad night (868) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe http://tfl.nu/fzk2
  Replies (10) Good night (838) Bad night (3729) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (781): No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you. http://tfl.nu/cz2r
  Replies (11) Good night (4151) Bad night (701) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  Say it nicely.

  (1-303): View more from Colorado

  Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): Say it nicely. (1-303): Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy? http://tfl.nu/5ned
  Replies (51) Good night (15595) Bad night (904) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (920): the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet. http://tfl.nu/lvr3
  Replies (12) Good night (5542) Bad night (660)
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway http://tfl.nu/al82
  Replies (15) Good night (3427) Bad night (632) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (309): View more from Illinois

  i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.

  (309): View more from Illinois

  so finals studying is going well?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (309): i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons. (309): so finals studying is going well? http://tfl.nu/jt5e
  Replies (13) Good night (6848) Bad night (725)
• Favorite

  (313): View more from Michigan

  How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (313): How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going? http://tfl.nu/4fop
  Replies (11) Good night (956) Bad night (3892) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (901): View more from Tennessee

  She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.

  (1-901): View more from Tennessee

  Dude, if you don't take her, I will.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (901): She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle. (1-901): Dude, if you don't take her, I will. http://tfl.nu/8ufn
  Replies (34) Good night (6434) Bad night (907)
• Favorite

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (413): He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing. http://tfl.nu/up8v
  Replies (8) Good night (991) Bad night (4002) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (915): View more from Texas

  like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (915): like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on http://tfl.nu/aizw
  Replies (7) Good night (4057) Bad night (708)
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night. http://tfl.nu/uyli
  Replies (12) Good night (4441) Bad night (778) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (916): View more from California

  It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (916): It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable. http://tfl.nu/6byi
  Replies (7) Good night (3092) Bad night (1193) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat. http://tfl.nu/tzy1
  Replies (15) Good night (3945) Bad night (1537) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.

  (1-815): View more from Illinois

  you need to get laid.. and an oil change.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since. (1-815): you need to get laid.. and an oil change. http://tfl.nu/z8d3
  Replies (18) Good night (1323) Bad night (4602)
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (720): Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers http://tfl.nu/jgqx
  Replies (4) Good night (5152) Bad night (677) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (636): View more from Missouri

  No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (636): No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from. http://tfl.nu/d5gf
  Replies (3) Good night (753) Bad night (2702) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season. http://tfl.nu/xinh
  Replies (24) Good night (4898) Bad night (890) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (530): View more from California

  I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.

  (1-530): View more from California

  fuck. you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (530): I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight. (1-530): fuck. you. http://tfl.nu/1kgv
  Replies (54) Good night (11430) Bad night (1401)
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love http://tfl.nu/i52c
  Replies (12) Good night (4951) Bad night (997) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (251): View more from Alabama

  Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (251): Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his http://tfl.nu/lwp2
  Replies (25) Good night (928) Bad night (6430) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (720): You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger. http://tfl.nu/3qkv
  Replies (90) Good night (1378) Bad night (12209) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (260): View more from Indiana

  Vodka is such a love hate relationship.

  (661): View more from California

  Truer words have never been spoken.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (260): Vodka is such a love hate relationship. (661): Truer words have never been spoken. http://tfl.nu/p042
  Replies (21) Good night (4931) Bad night (813)
• Favorite

  (604): View more from British Columbia

  fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (604): fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this http://tfl.nu/yh2h
  Replies (10) Good night (4434) Bad night (910) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (309): View more from Illinois

  Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (309): Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins. http://tfl.nu/lj1p
  Replies (19) Good night (5055) Bad night (725) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (814): We need to get her some penis inspired head protection. http://tfl.nu/pcof
  Replies (6) Good night (2260) Bad night (820) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (862): View more from New Jersey

  he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (862): he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!" http://tfl.nu/rt63
  Replies (15) Good night (4880) Bad night (1118) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (660): View more from Missouri

  Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (660): Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test? http://tfl.nu/cwr3
  Replies (7) Good night (4728) Bad night (733) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit. http://tfl.nu/d25i
  Replies (17) Good night (3823) Bad night (1919) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again. http://tfl.nu/x87e
  Replies (44) Good night (1607) Bad night (5383) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (615): of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits http://tfl.nu/a8zr
  Replies (29) Good night (1354) Bad night (7283) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (403): so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them. http://tfl.nu/j4fw
  Replies (7) Good night (7323) Bad night (624) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (306): Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight. http://tfl.nu/dfco
  Replies (33) Good night (1571) Bad night (4575) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  Whoa, Gary Coleman died

  (224): View more from Illinois

  Whatchu talkin bout?!?!

  (847): View more from Illinois

  Too soon.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): Whoa, Gary Coleman died (224): Whatchu talkin bout?!?! (847): Too soon. http://tfl.nu/36gw
  Replies (49) Good night (6680) Bad night (1448)
• Favorite

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  did he notice?

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (267): we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself. (215): did he notice? (267): of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up.. http://tfl.nu/7kng
  Replies (82) Good night (1368) Bad night (9538)
• Favorite

  (+32): View more from Belgium

  guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+32): guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for http://tfl.nu/2pon
  Replies (16) Good night (4929) Bad night (707) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (607): View more from New York

  Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (607): Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later. http://tfl.nu/om4f
  Replies (27) Good night (4390) Bad night (1222) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (224): View more from Illinois

  Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (224): Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze http://tfl.nu/j7ix
  Replies (14) Good night (4957) Bad night (830) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars http://tfl.nu/6xt5
  Replies (21) Good night (6841) Bad night (666) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (517): View more from Michigan

  can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (517): can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised http://tfl.nu/5ukp
  Replies (10) Good night (3611) Bad night (1008) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (804): View more from Virginia

  "Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (804): "Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to http://tfl.nu/kp09
  Replies (14) Good night (4026) Bad night (710)
• Favorite

  (337): View more from Louisiana

  Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (337): Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta http://tfl.nu/2wvh
  Replies (21) Good night (4219) Bad night (934) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka.. http://tfl.nu/lv2f
  Replies (20) Good night (4198) Bad night (722) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (608): The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer. http://tfl.nu/u1k3
  Replies (17) Good night (9054) Bad night (938)
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you? http://tfl.nu/jgvr
  Replies (10) Good night (4318) Bad night (637) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends? http://tfl.nu/08w4
  Replies (98) Good night (32299) Bad night (3092) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (812): My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too. http://tfl.nu/4mju
  Replies (98) Good night (3411) Bad night (8634)
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me. http://tfl.nu/retd
  Replies (42) Good night (5568) Bad night (1040) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (804): View more from Virginia

  i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.

  (804): View more from Virginia

  i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.

  (786): View more from Florida

  that would mean it's on tape

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (804): i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately. (804): i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof. (786): that would mean it's on tape http://tfl.nu/zipf
  Replies (6) Good night (3637) Bad night (704)
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Houston, we have a problem

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  where are u?

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): Houston, we have a problem (781): where are u? (617): Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here. http://tfl.nu/zyw6
  Replies (43) Good night (14193) Bad night (972)
• Favorite

  (208): View more from Idaho

  My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (208): My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done. http://tfl.nu/2aew
  Replies (23) Good night (3892) Bad night (1637) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number http://tfl.nu/mfjx
  Replies (14) Good night (6614) Bad night (702) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (321): Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing. http://tfl.nu/gi7h
  Replies (14) Good night (779) Bad night (4189) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (805): View more from California

  Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (805): Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever" http://tfl.nu/wsl5
  Replies (41) Good night (7797) Bad night (1101) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+44): it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl http://tfl.nu/hhri
  Replies (15) Good night (946) Bad night (4066) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (613): View more from Ontario

  ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (613): ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money. http://tfl.nu/in19
  Replies (33) Good night (5497) Bad night (901) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive http://tfl.nu/067t
  Replies (31) Good night (5388) Bad night (930) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  why does the wii remote smell like your vag?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): why does the wii remote smell like your vag? http://tfl.nu/z7m2
  Replies (54) Good night (1624) Bad night (8588) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (862): View more from New Jersey

  watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin

  (1-862): View more from New Jersey

  doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (862): watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin (1-862): doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you http://tfl.nu/gtrz
  Replies (19) Good night (1027) Bad night (2611)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  I don't know where my bra went.

  (1-303): View more from Colorado

  Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): I don't know where my bra went. (1-303): Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy. http://tfl.nu/03yq
  Replies (22) Good night (7513) Bad night (744)
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too http://tfl.nu/8x1l
  Replies (27) Good night (6602) Bad night (1137) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit. http://tfl.nu/6hvl
  Replies (30) Good night (791) Bad night (8239) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (718): View more from New York

  Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (718): Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night. http://tfl.nu/a8sl
  Replies (20) Good night (1618) Bad night (4466) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever... http://tfl.nu/ojc2
  Replies (24) Good night (1032) Bad night (4128) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen http://tfl.nu/0xt9
  Replies (17) Good night (5207) Bad night (630) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (270): View more from Kentucky

  Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.

  (1-270): View more from Kentucky

  You should've just screamed yes we can!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (270): Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad. (1-270): You should've just screamed yes we can! http://tfl.nu/ng19
  Replies (52) Good night (8606) Bad night (1227)
• Favorite

  (269): View more from Michigan

  I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (269): I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life. http://tfl.nu/x5qx
  Replies (23) Good night (3059) Bad night (2953) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (904): I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers. http://tfl.nu/cp6l
  Replies (31) Good night (5392) Bad night (1547) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+44): If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook http://tfl.nu/6gha
  Replies (8) Good night (5325) Bad night (734) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (775): View more from Nevada

  So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (775): So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again. http://tfl.nu/ocrt
  Replies (67) Good night (7702) Bad night (1971)
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today" http://tfl.nu/nsmf
  Replies (20) Good night (6160) Bad night (2021) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well http://tfl.nu/es2k
  Replies (7) Good night (3711) Bad night (572) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (734): I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out. http://tfl.nu/oiev
  Replies (5) Good night (2681) Bad night (1032) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (850): You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus. http://tfl.nu/vr5q
  Replies (15) Good night (9246) Bad night (630) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (859): View more from Kentucky

  i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (859): i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod http://tfl.nu/ur38
  Replies (11) Good night (5248) Bad night (564) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (720): You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer. http://tfl.nu/ndy8
  Replies (17) Good night (4258) Bad night (741) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (715): Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel. http://tfl.nu/yi2m
  Replies (15) Good night (3005) Bad night (728)
• Favorite

  (937): View more from Ohio

  There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (937): There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich. http://tfl.nu/hmr5
  Replies (26) Good night (15626) Bad night (946) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (250): View more from British Columbia

  I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (250): I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official. http://tfl.nu/pkh7
  Replies (13) Good night (5441) Bad night (536) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing http://tfl.nu/ny0i
  Replies (8) Good night (691) Bad night (3977) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well. http://tfl.nu/7lfy
  Replies (20) Good night (6996) Bad night (915) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (619): my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew. http://tfl.nu/qfs0
  Replies (35) Good night (7960) Bad night (1542) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday? http://tfl.nu/71tj
  Replies (32) Good night (4462) Bad night (702) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (336): View more from North Carolina

  You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (336): You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed. http://tfl.nu/cedv
  Replies (101) Good night (9368) Bad night (821) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do. http://tfl.nu/0i65
  Replies (13) Good night (6231) Bad night (717) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (763): View more from Minnesota

  I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (763): I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like. http://tfl.nu/kktd
  Replies (9) Good night (631) Bad night (3428) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (210): View more from Texas

  Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (210): Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously http://tfl.nu/22yg
  Replies (21) Good night (1944) Bad night (3904) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.

  (1-480): View more from Arizona

  Do I even want to know?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (480): My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend. (1-480): Do I even want to know? http://tfl.nu/wopv
  Replies (28) Good night (4245) Bad night (1449) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (207): Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore. http://tfl.nu/fjzm
  Replies (39) Good night (1011) Bad night (6338) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky http://tfl.nu/6tb5
  Replies (21) Good night (8215) Bad night (980) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that http://tfl.nu/gfaw
  Replies (24) Good night (3752) Bad night (1481) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (205): View more from Alabama

  I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (205): I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean. http://tfl.nu/fik0
  Replies (44) Good night (9681) Bad night (794) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (585): View more from New York

  She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (585): She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings. http://tfl.nu/pz3m
  Replies (42) Good night (6380) Bad night (1335) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (321): i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me http://tfl.nu/5b8j
  Replies (10) Good night (2811) Bad night (764) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all. http://tfl.nu/fj96
  Replies (7) Good night (2848) Bad night (746) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (949): View more from California

  Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (949): Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life http://tfl.nu/meh0
  Replies (12) Good night (3813) Bad night (660) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (216): View more from Ohio

  she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (216): she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job??? http://tfl.nu/mo3e
  Replies (32) Good night (876) Bad night (3731) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.

  (708): View more from Illinois

  May it rest in peace.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence. (708): May it rest in peace. http://tfl.nu/csj7
  Replies (17) Good night (4246) Bad night (1053)
• Favorite

  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (403): Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying. http://tfl.nu/rtdk
  Replies (41) Good night (7914) Bad night (1574) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them http://tfl.nu/3anm
  Replies (10) Good night (3028) Bad night (1428) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (740): View more from Ohio

  becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (740): becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard. http://tfl.nu/avz2
  Replies (6) Good night (774) Bad night (2347)
• Favorite

  (727): View more from Florida

  I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (727): I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now. http://tfl.nu/6a5q
  Replies (17) Good night (707) Bad night (3803)
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead. http://tfl.nu/t7ti
  Replies (11) Good night (3088) Bad night (998) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (336): View more from North Carolina

  I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (336): I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing. http://tfl.nu/tg4w
  Replies (12) Good night (5860) Bad night (882) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (925): she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys http://tfl.nu/nc2y
  Replies (20) Good night (3748) Bad night (1482) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest http://tfl.nu/hnl6
  Replies (9) Good night (884) Bad night (3684) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  She brought up feelings... her days are numbered

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (704): She brought up feelings... her days are numbered http://tfl.nu/9lng
  Replies (19) Good night (1416) Bad night (4935) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness http://tfl.nu/m7sl
  Replies (21) Good night (5480) Bad night (629) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck. http://tfl.nu/f2m7
  Replies (44) Good night (24325) Bad night (832) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (559): View more from California

  he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (559): he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me. http://tfl.nu/5jau
  Replies (18) Good night (4360) Bad night (987) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (913): I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick. http://tfl.nu/xsrx
  Replies (20) Good night (1558) Bad night (4582) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten... http://tfl.nu/iblb
  Replies (49) Good night (2908) Bad night (5462) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (715): isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month http://tfl.nu/ybux
  Replies (10) Good night (5119) Bad night (711) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (775): View more from Nevada

  Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (775): Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again? http://tfl.nu/oao4
  Replies (19) Good night (807) Bad night (7178)
• Favorite

  (949): View more from California

  i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (949): i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it http://tfl.nu/yzwv
  Replies (4) Good night (644) Bad night (3170) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year. http://tfl.nu/847n
  Replies (8) Good night (3210) Bad night (712) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (517): View more from Michigan

  this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (517): this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year http://tfl.nu/tikr
  Replies (19) Good night (8152) Bad night (759) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (780): I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her http://tfl.nu/1b2q
  Replies (22) Good night (778) Bad night (7819) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (208): View more from Idaho

  why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (208): why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never. http://tfl.nu/g58g
  Replies (27) Good night (8402) Bad night (942) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (706): View more from Georgia

  I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (706): I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face. http://tfl.nu/e8qy
  Replies (82) Good night (16665) Bad night (1521) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall http://tfl.nu/7d2k
  Replies (18) Good night (1475) Bad night (3952) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (360): Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me? http://tfl.nu/3uhh
  Replies (16) Good night (923) Bad night (3370) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (925): its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife http://tfl.nu/e55k
  Replies (17) Good night (3692) Bad night (935) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (225): View more from Louisiana

  I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (225): I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty? http://tfl.nu/tsac
  Replies (21) Good night (4301) Bad night (737) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (480): Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night. http://tfl.nu/uc8g
  Replies (6) Good night (3884) Bad night (708) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy. http://tfl.nu/rzh3
  Replies (25) Good night (4940) Bad night (769) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...

  (1-401): View more from Rhode Island

  told you he was gay.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head... (1-401): told you he was gay. http://tfl.nu/35fi
  Replies (17) Good night (814) Bad night (6333) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes. http://tfl.nu/y0td
  Replies (10) Good night (3258) Bad night (727) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk. http://tfl.nu/227n
  Replies (11) Good night (3929) Bad night (686) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look http://tfl.nu/dski
  Replies (17) Good night (4468) Bad night (1179) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (480): I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts. http://tfl.nu/t2zp
  Replies (32) Good night (561) Bad night (7627) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (806): View more from Texas

  If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (806): If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut http://tfl.nu/i4w4
  Replies (21) Good night (4494) Bad night (781) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.

  (1-262): View more from Wisconsin

  That's funny. Are they weird looking???

  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (262): There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart. (1-262): That's funny. Are they weird looking??? (262): OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS. http://tfl.nu/egmz
  Replies (38) Good night (8394) Bad night (976)
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets http://tfl.nu/6e6g
  Replies (6) Good night (2609) Bad night (675) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly http://tfl.nu/4li6
  Replies (15) Good night (3539) Bad night (1177) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (530): View more from California

  I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (530): I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon. http://tfl.nu/vb88
  Replies (13) Good night (4817) Bad night (802) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (202): All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well. http://tfl.nu/6mn8
  Replies (6) Good night (3902) Bad night (551) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (808): View more from Hawaii

  for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (808): for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing http://tfl.nu/0vur
  Replies (14) Good night (486) Bad night (4733) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint http://tfl.nu/xmhe
  Replies (15) Good night (4270) Bad night (659) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world. http://tfl.nu/ai3n
  Replies (8) Good night (2984) Bad night (671) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water http://tfl.nu/2dzm
  Replies (11) Good night (2156) Bad night (2932) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today. http://tfl.nu/4lg3
  Replies (52) Good night (9683) Bad night (852) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (507): View more from Minnesota

  I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (507): I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is. http://tfl.nu/v0y7
  Replies (9) Good night (742) Bad night (2415)
• Favorite

  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (715): Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures http://tfl.nu/hpoh
  Replies (6) Good night (2762) Bad night (1235) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (562): View more from California

  Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (562): Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont. http://tfl.nu/ey1g
  Replies (14) Good night (602) Bad night (3202) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW. http://tfl.nu/izzq
  Replies (22) Good night (6273) Bad night (1569) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him. http://tfl.nu/ur6c
  Replies (20) Good night (1834) Bad night (5150) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone http://tfl.nu/koze
  Replies (36) Good night (2310) Bad night (4930) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (805): View more from California

  a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot

  (818): View more from California

  god is laughing at you again

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (805): a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot (818): god is laughing at you again http://tfl.nu/4fg3
  Replies (20) Good night (4714) Bad night (1253)
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (781): You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece http://tfl.nu/uonr
  Replies (7) Good night (707) Bad night (2558) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (718): View more from New York

  We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (718): We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate. http://tfl.nu/1mwi
  Replies (14) Good night (956) Bad night (4312) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage http://tfl.nu/vsxr
  Replies (13) Good night (4459) Bad night (729) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (408): View more from California

  They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (408): They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald. http://tfl.nu/krtp
  Replies (21) Good night (7492) Bad night (846) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (562): View more from California

  not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (562): not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it. http://tfl.nu/xhfr
  Replies (24) Good night (3850) Bad night (855)
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world http://tfl.nu/xi7q
  Replies (42) Good night (2900) Bad night (4936) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (352): View more from Florida

  homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...

  (1-352): View more from Florida

  so you did it...

  (352): View more from Florida

  obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (352): homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview... (1-352): so you did it... (352): obv...but still...it was inconsiderate. http://tfl.nu/j7x7
  Replies (29) Good night (5479) Bad night (1049)
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (770): Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave. http://tfl.nu/avq0
  Replies (18) Good night (941) Bad night (4111) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (517): View more from Michigan

  I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (517): I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again. http://tfl.nu/bm5p
  Replies (12) Good night (7605) Bad night (816) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys. http://tfl.nu/w8m7
  Replies (28) Good night (1374) Bad night (6411) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (780): Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top? http://tfl.nu/gcls
  Replies (47) Good night (1094) Bad night (6535) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (615): Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night http://tfl.nu/5cyj
  Replies (21) Good night (3375) Bad night (767) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  the only muscles i have these days is kegels

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): the only muscles i have these days is kegels http://tfl.nu/1pmr
  Replies (13) Good night (3777) Bad night (793) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (334): View more from Alabama

  Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (334): Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself. http://tfl.nu/lbys
  Replies (14) Good night (4278) Bad night (706)
• Favorite

  (580): View more from Oklahoma

  Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (580): Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them. http://tfl.nu/fkfv
  Replies (7) Good night (1034) Bad night (3077) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them. http://tfl.nu/jd8a
  Replies (21) Good night (7957) Bad night (595) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (863): View more from Florida

  We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (863): We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits. http://tfl.nu/7sfp
  Replies (25) Good night (964) Bad night (4485) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys http://tfl.nu/ae48
  Replies (22) Good night (6318) Bad night (783) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (724): are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations. http://tfl.nu/i5jg
  Replies (12) Good night (1256) Bad night (3687) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (808): View more from Hawaii

  Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (808): Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps http://tfl.nu/jjp1
  Replies (7) Good night (4578) Bad night (967) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Church boner. Awkwardddd

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): Church boner. Awkwardddd http://tfl.nu/s9a2
  Replies (43) Good night (2178) Bad night (5139) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers http://tfl.nu/ovgd
  Replies (23) Good night (753) Bad night (4406) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style http://tfl.nu/9r5x
  Replies (39) Good night (12059) Bad night (890) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"?? http://tfl.nu/v3ie
  Replies (19) Good night (3009) Bad night (1849) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (856): View more from New Jersey

  She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (856): She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk" http://tfl.nu/d5n3
  Replies (12) Good night (6587) Bad night (736) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (240): View more from Maryland

  oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (240): oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times http://tfl.nu/z2iz
  Replies (12) Good night (6097) Bad night (681) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (601): View more from Mississippi

  It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (601): It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed. http://tfl.nu/yhbt
  Replies (15) Good night (1024) Bad night (5230) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm... http://tfl.nu/v0t6
  Replies (21) Good night (849) Bad night (7439) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year http://tfl.nu/bdbv
  Replies (9) Good night (5765) Bad night (680) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home http://tfl.nu/jyep
  Replies (15) Good night (8096) Bad night (548)
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest

  (248): View more from Michigan

  If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest (248): If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does http://tfl.nu/2sf6
  Replies (10) Good night (7105) Bad night (793)
• Favorite

  (337): View more from Louisiana

  You going out tonight?

  (318): View more from Louisiana

  No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (337): You going out tonight? (318): No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon. http://tfl.nu/ifio
  Replies (18) Good night (912) Bad night (5967)
• Favorite

  (305): View more from Florida

  If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (305): If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet? http://tfl.nu/k73j
  Replies (22) Good night (1376) Bad night (4539) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (304): There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time. http://tfl.nu/tmab
  Replies (34) Good night (1498) Bad night (4637) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list http://tfl.nu/ucvs
  Replies (40) Good night (1206) Bad night (13361) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (304): But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game http://tfl.nu/osln
  Replies (23) Good night (5376) Bad night (729)
• Favorite

  (618): View more from Illinois

  Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (618): Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog. http://tfl.nu/c9by
  Replies (29) Good night (1967) Bad night (4662) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you

  (580): View more from Oklahoma

  Really.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (918): I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you (580): Really. http://tfl.nu/kw5b
  Replies (100) Good night (9762) Bad night (2578)
• Favorite

  (217): View more from Illinois

  i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (217): i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood. http://tfl.nu/a0o1
  Replies (35) Good night (4844) Bad night (1371) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs? http://tfl.nu/bbo7
  Replies (28) Good night (4736) Bad night (1383) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (810): View more from Michigan

  can I come stay the night

  (217): View more from Illinois

  yeah, but no sex tonight

  (810): View more from Michigan

  I'll stay home

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (810): can I come stay the night (217): yeah, but no sex tonight (810): I'll stay home http://tfl.nu/tu8g
  Replies (34) Good night (1963) Bad night (7641)
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot http://tfl.nu/l7sq
  Replies (62) Good night (1375) Bad night (9110) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer. http://tfl.nu/kiay
  Replies (10) Good night (4844) Bad night (727) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame. http://tfl.nu/lek8
  Replies (6) Good night (3710) Bad night (867) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad. http://tfl.nu/60es
  Replies (16) Good night (1323) Bad night (5358) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (419): View more from Ohio

  All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (419): All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex. http://tfl.nu/ooyw
  Replies (5) Good night (589) Bad night (4243) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds. http://tfl.nu/ihy8
  Replies (41) Good night (2601) Bad night (4443) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (646): View more from New York

  There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.

  (1-646): View more from New York

  Your pregnant arnt you

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (646): There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil. (1-646): Your pregnant arnt you http://tfl.nu/t59m
  Replies (21) Good night (1374) Bad night (5040) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora http://tfl.nu/wtuh
  Replies (19) Good night (4278) Bad night (1462) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.

  (1-630): View more from Illinois

  nothing about this is right.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings. (1-630): nothing about this is right. http://tfl.nu/76cn
  Replies (23) Good night (4791) Bad night (1570)
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol. http://tfl.nu/qjw2
  Replies (10) Good night (8645) Bad night (588) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (585): View more from New York

  My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (585): My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon. http://tfl.nu/q628
  Replies (8) Good night (3392) Bad night (683) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (724): I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina. http://tfl.nu/8v08
  Replies (16) Good night (5138) Bad night (1254) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?

  (1-734): View more from Michigan

  How did the beer even get there in the first place?

  (734): View more from Michigan

  That's not what's important right now

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (734): Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina? (1-734): How did the beer even get there in the first place? (734): That's not what's important right now http://tfl.nu/17l2
  Replies (30) Good night (2726) Bad night (3571)
• Favorite

  (216): View more from Ohio

  oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (216): oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs. http://tfl.nu/udb9
  Replies (28) Good night (534) Bad night (5806) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (828): View more from North Carolina

  the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (828): the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife http://tfl.nu/ib00
  Replies (66) Good night (7592) Bad night (1962) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (941): View more from Florida

  He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (941): He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation http://tfl.nu/2ie5
  Replies (35) Good night (580) Bad night (4335) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on. http://tfl.nu/shul
  Replies (20) Good night (4243) Bad night (924) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (607): View more from New York

  If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (607): If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock. http://tfl.nu/sga2
  Replies (66) Good night (5027) Bad night (1324) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill? http://tfl.nu/149i
  Replies (85) Good night (739) Bad night (7125) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (719): View more from Colorado

  Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (719): Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you. http://tfl.nu/04eg
  Replies (25) Good night (6765) Bad night (1065) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job. http://tfl.nu/i6fk
  Replies (33) Good night (4216) Bad night (630) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  God wants them to get laid too.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (267): Why do fat girls all have such cute faces? (484): God wants them to get laid too. http://tfl.nu/23cz
  Replies (59) Good night (7612) Bad night (1137)
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?

  (1-732): View more from New Jersey

  shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon? (1-732): shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work http://tfl.nu/tkf9
  Replies (18) Good night (5990) Bad night (684)
• Favorite

  (650): View more from California

  We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (650): We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you. http://tfl.nu/6i0s
  Replies (19) Good night (4736) Bad night (765) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (309): View more from Illinois

  so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (309): so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished. http://tfl.nu/wbty
  Replies (18) Good night (6806) Bad night (1180)
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes http://tfl.nu/0fsj
  Replies (24) Good night (4677) Bad night (2205) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college http://tfl.nu/n77e
  Replies (11) Good night (874) Bad night (3660) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever. http://tfl.nu/hego
  Replies (5) Good night (560) Bad night (2749) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (510): View more from California

  On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (510): On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible. http://tfl.nu/nz5p
  Replies (32) Good night (8091) Bad night (1006) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game. http://tfl.nu/oyv6
  Replies (15) Good night (4079) Bad night (792) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (661): View more from California

  He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (661): He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina. http://tfl.nu/ay3j
  Replies (22) Good night (7210) Bad night (709) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (419): View more from Ohio

  I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (419): I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight. http://tfl.nu/kz23
  Replies (46) Good night (8293) Bad night (920) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (859): View more from Kentucky

  Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (859): Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things. http://tfl.nu/chhw
  Replies (6) Good night (3279) Bad night (652) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (270): View more from Kentucky

  Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (270): Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance? http://tfl.nu/nz1e
  Replies (8) Good night (5081) Bad night (696) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon. http://tfl.nu/t4x8
  Replies (14) Good night (4814) Bad night (1275) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (409): View more from Texas

  Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (409): Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing. http://tfl.nu/yp46
  Replies (22) Good night (1497) Bad night (4849)
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?

  (952): View more from Minnesota

  You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad? (952): You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him.... http://tfl.nu/ht91
  Replies (37) Good night (1745) Bad night (7583)
• Favorite

  (859): View more from Kentucky

  It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (859): It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl. http://tfl.nu/qaad
  Replies (19) Good night (4076) Bad night (1032) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (949): View more from California

  Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (949): Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that. http://tfl.nu/bq5s
  Replies (10) Good night (5144) Bad night (616) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (905): View more from Ontario

  while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (905): while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger" http://tfl.nu/ftph
  Replies (19) Good night (3950) Bad night (820)
• Favorite

  (706): View more from Georgia

  Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (706): Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus. http://tfl.nu/wtrd
  Replies (16) Good night (679) Bad night (3319) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (808): View more from Hawaii

  white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (808): white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month" http://tfl.nu/8vpl
  Replies (45) Good night (14174) Bad night (1049) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes http://tfl.nu/g6od
  Replies (17) Good night (5200) Bad night (977) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (425): I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me. http://tfl.nu/cm8t
  Replies (19) Good night (3480) Bad night (715) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (712): View more from Iowa

  it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (712): it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe http://tfl.nu/5ing
  Replies (14) Good night (3374) Bad night (1124) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (573): View more from Missouri

  So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (573): So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number? http://tfl.nu/mc1r
  Replies (16) Good night (603) Bad night (4579) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (571): View more from Virginia

  how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (571): how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days...... http://tfl.nu/e1u4
  Replies (10) Good night (3257) Bad night (1378) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (366): View more from

  just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (366): just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her. http://tfl.nu/eijl
  Replies (7) Good night (4416) Bad night (1087) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (807): View more from Ontario

  Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?

  (1-807): View more from Ontario

  Just flip the mattress, it erases all

  (807): View more from Ontario

  Done and done

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (807): Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town? (1-807): Just flip the mattress, it erases all (807): Done and done http://tfl.nu/aezq
  Replies (99) Good night (2582) Bad night (7257)
• Favorite

  (586): View more from Michigan

  Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (586): Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that. http://tfl.nu/5bcj
  Replies (14) Good night (4557) Bad night (1889) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final http://tfl.nu/7b8j
  Replies (18) Good night (9464) Bad night (584) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut? http://tfl.nu/0rrw
  Replies (37) Good night (7909) Bad night (717) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day. http://tfl.nu/wt3s
  Replies (22) Good night (5520) Bad night (695) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (802): View more from Vermont

  i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (802): i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer http://tfl.nu/uupu
  Replies (16) Good night (5179) Bad night (784) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (807): View more from Ontario

  yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (807): yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd http://tfl.nu/28g8
  Replies (39) Good night (10460) Bad night (965)
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom http://tfl.nu/fv07
  Replies (13) Good night (5498) Bad night (800) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (850): Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please. http://tfl.nu/1q4n
  Replies (17) Good night (7591) Bad night (749) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse' http://tfl.nu/umk4
  Replies (18) Good night (9576) Bad night (646) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed. http://tfl.nu/r7o8
  Replies (5) Good night (892) Bad night (5240) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (608): I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her. http://tfl.nu/mczp
  Replies (28) Good night (2266) Bad night (11460)
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.

  (1-612): View more from Minnesota

  Or a large amount of condoms?!?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation. (1-612): Or a large amount of condoms?!? http://tfl.nu/muu8
  Replies (12) Good night (6059) Bad night (858) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (517): View more from Michigan

  You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (517): You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins http://tfl.nu/vpk9
  Replies (19) Good night (5568) Bad night (608) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (319): View more from Iowa

  I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (319): I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill. http://tfl.nu/jqgl
  Replies (36) Good night (6569) Bad night (2187) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort. http://tfl.nu/ivbh
  Replies (71) Good night (18809) Bad night (1479) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (252): View more from North Carolina

  This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (252): This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero. http://tfl.nu/82jq
  Replies (16) Good night (6891) Bad night (721) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (224): View more from Illinois

  he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (224): he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number http://tfl.nu/3iey
  Replies (23) Good night (703) Bad night (5596)
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me! http://tfl.nu/g61u
  Replies (16) Good night (10095) Bad night (584)
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (708): We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now http://tfl.nu/mm02
  Replies (21) Good night (6681) Bad night (681) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital. http://tfl.nu/94uz
  Replies (38) Good night (5773) Bad night (2636) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  This explains a lot.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner.... (732): This explains a lot. http://tfl.nu/s7a0
  Replies (24) Good night (8173) Bad night (736)
• Favorite

  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (715): I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part http://tfl.nu/to5h
  Replies (15) Good night (753) Bad night (3987) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (951): View more from California

  I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (951): I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal http://tfl.nu/pmv6
  Replies (23) Good night (9851) Bad night (713)
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  when did we get a doorman?

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  we were also in the wrong building...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman. (508): when did we get a doorman? (203): we were also in the wrong building... http://tfl.nu/c2ke
  Replies (15) Good night (6499) Bad night (704)
• Favorite

  (910): View more from North Carolina

  Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (910): Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up. http://tfl.nu/oxuw
  Replies (26) Good night (7609) Bad night (920)
• Favorite

  (740): View more from Ohio

  id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (740): id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag. http://tfl.nu/yqo6
  Replies (70) Good night (1071) Bad night (15707) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride. http://tfl.nu/b4k2
  Replies (78) Good night (1836) Bad night (10505) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower http://tfl.nu/n59j
  Replies (43) Good night (1016) Bad night (19112) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #

  (816): View more from Missouri

  ah tequila...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (913): You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur # (816): ah tequila... http://tfl.nu/7k34
  Replies (22) Good night (5857) Bad night (698)
• Favorite

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (843): when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home. http://tfl.nu/096s
  Replies (33) Good night (11608) Bad night (939)
• Favorite

  (831): View more from California

  Don't EVER smell your tampon

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (831): Don't EVER smell your tampon http://tfl.nu/zvwb
  Replies (88) Good night (1019) Bad night (18798) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (850): some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face. http://tfl.nu/tn6y
  Replies (12) Good night (4746) Bad night (1391) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate". http://tfl.nu/8tbj
  Replies (27) Good night (5838) Bad night (988)
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  Because ur a stupid bitch

  (1-845): View more from New York

  Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): Because ur a stupid bitch (1-845): Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch. http://tfl.nu/0sjk
  Replies (54) Good night (10787) Bad night (853) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  We better fuck soon then

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again. (201): We better fuck soon then http://tfl.nu/yyxr
  Replies (25) Good night (7444) Bad night (738)
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex." http://tfl.nu/3mha
  Replies (25) Good night (6637) Bad night (790) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (707): View more from California

  he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (707): he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?" http://tfl.nu/pefr
  Replies (22) Good night (5224) Bad night (1822) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (480): Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions." http://tfl.nu/c9eh
  Replies (18) Good night (4818) Bad night (702) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie

  (420): View more from

  your the best winggirl ever

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie (420): your the best winggirl ever http://tfl.nu/bhih
  Replies (34) Good night (12385) Bad night (664)
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank. http://tfl.nu/peny
  Replies (51) Good night (2498) Bad night (11913) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me http://tfl.nu/rey7
  Replies (22) Good night (6352) Bad night (1045) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me http://tfl.nu/jvjy
  Replies (19) Good night (7935) Bad night (845) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"

  (773): View more from Illinois

  I forgot about that,good spring break.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild" (773): I forgot about that,good spring break. http://tfl.nu/09xy
  Replies (16) Good night (5820) Bad night (1016)
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff. http://tfl.nu/tizj
  Replies (32) Good night (916) Bad night (14623) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (260): View more from Indiana

  Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (260): Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens. http://tfl.nu/pxin
  Replies (31) Good night (10892) Bad night (821) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations. http://tfl.nu/znj0
  Replies (19) Good night (5603) Bad night (704)
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.

  (1-401): View more from Rhode Island

  And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast. (1-401): And you thought you were going to hell last weekend. http://tfl.nu/thro
  Replies (14) Good night (5642) Bad night (690) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding. http://tfl.nu/1j8r
  Replies (12) Good night (985) Bad night (4455)
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b http://tfl.nu/ogbj
  Replies (47) Good night (2082) Bad night (6080) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (413): he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive http://tfl.nu/jlaw
  Replies (13) Good night (1693) Bad night (3528) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (619): He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy. http://tfl.nu/8ucs
  Replies (14) Good night (851) Bad night (4867) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in. http://tfl.nu/k2ap
  Replies (11) Good night (3675) Bad night (970) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall http://tfl.nu/bqaz
  Replies (59) Good night (6796) Bad night (906) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (620): View more from Kansas

  Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (620): Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven. http://tfl.nu/24p0
  Replies (42) Good night (9466) Bad night (1004) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (414): I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig http://tfl.nu/ouz6
  Replies (29) Good night (4395) Bad night (944) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her http://tfl.nu/ofex
  Replies (65) Good night (13084) Bad night (2310) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (774): My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight. http://tfl.nu/ukm0
  Replies (20) Good night (4460) Bad night (578) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (720): I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group. http://tfl.nu/a06b
  Replies (7) Good night (5210) Bad night (514) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.

  (1-813): View more from Florida

  I ordered a moonbounce.

  (813): View more from Florida

  Fuck, you win.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (813): Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party. (1-813): I ordered a moonbounce. (813): Fuck, you win. http://tfl.nu/qedv
  Replies (38) Good night (9835) Bad night (600)
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me http://tfl.nu/38h8
  Replies (28) Good night (7081) Bad night (587) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over. http://tfl.nu/878e
  Replies (40) Good night (1330) Bad night (6968) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes http://tfl.nu/3hm9
  Replies (49) Good night (8568) Bad night (835) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (720): so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass http://tfl.nu/kbrv
  Replies (21) Good night (1054) Bad night (7819) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever. http://tfl.nu/9adr
  Replies (21) Good night (683) Bad night (8113) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me. http://tfl.nu/k06t
  Replies (46) Good night (9321) Bad night (1699) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??

  (713): View more from Texas

  Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept?? (713): Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger. http://tfl.nu/oww9
  Replies (44) Good night (4495) Bad night (8803)
• Favorite

  (647): View more from Ontario

  Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (647): Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer. http://tfl.nu/62rw
  Replies (14) Good night (3157) Bad night (885) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (414): Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover. http://tfl.nu/mgun
  Replies (4) Good night (2798) Bad night (629) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (918): My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?" http://tfl.nu/ksw8
  Replies (13) Good night (4884) Bad night (750) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (484): maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete http://tfl.nu/m91r
  Replies (10) Good night (3608) Bad night (576) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar http://tfl.nu/plcg
  Replies (12) Good night (5362) Bad night (830) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  fireball beer pong. youre missing out

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  how is that even possible?

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  ove gloves.

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  be there in ten.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): fireball beer pong. youre missing out (732): how is that even possible? (908): ove gloves. (732): be there in ten. http://tfl.nu/dpvx
  Replies (30) Good night (8420) Bad night (773)
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (913): I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM. http://tfl.nu/ou48
  Replies (33) Good night (1282) Bad night (4774) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals http://tfl.nu/h68j
  Replies (33) Good night (8317) Bad night (990) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (760): View more from California

  Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (760): Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!? http://tfl.nu/iolx
  Replies (39) Good night (10937) Bad night (1256) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (409): View more from Texas

  We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (409): We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield. http://tfl.nu/bpsu
  Replies (45) Good night (10824) Bad night (2213) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+44): chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome. http://tfl.nu/vhpn
  Replies (21) Good night (6467) Bad night (828) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (802): View more from Vermont

  you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (802): you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk http://tfl.nu/784w
  Replies (28) Good night (9651) Bad night (688) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night... http://tfl.nu/4ooo
  Replies (7) Good night (822) Bad night (4360) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (646): View more from New York

  They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (646): They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?! http://tfl.nu/7uj0
  Replies (10) Good night (6433) Bad night (692) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (918): Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side http://tfl.nu/owir
  Replies (24) Good night (1001) Bad night (7233) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (940): View more from Texas

  nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (940): nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that http://tfl.nu/ymub
  Replies (20) Good night (8901) Bad night (657) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."

  (423): View more from Tennessee

  Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (814): What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners." (423): Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A. (814): No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay. http://tfl.nu/o5wb
  Replies (23) Good night (8807) Bad night (911)
• Favorite

  (802): View more from Vermont

  I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (802): I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job. http://tfl.nu/xzx3
  Replies (41) Good night (6934) Bad night (1214) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (570): whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping http://tfl.nu/vxfh
  Replies (24) Good night (4921) Bad night (900) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead? http://tfl.nu/o3ef
  Replies (18) Good night (7106) Bad night (1448) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier http://tfl.nu/y4xr
  Replies (8) Good night (1417) Bad night (3340) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad. http://tfl.nu/rfuh
  Replies (25) Good night (1662) Bad night (5622) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  ..i think i can hear you losing your virginity

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): ..i think i can hear you losing your virginity http://tfl.nu/nv6r
  Replies (17) Good night (7787) Bad night (1268) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk http://tfl.nu/wp9g
  Replies (7) Good night (744) Bad night (3253) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (925): when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober? http://tfl.nu/qjrt
  Replies (30) Good night (615) Bad night (1803) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (949): View more from California

  Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?

  (619): View more from California

  hahahahahahahahahahaha

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (949): Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth? (619): hahahahahahahahahahaha http://tfl.nu/hwol
  Replies (45) Good night (3017) Bad night (763)
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (425): My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend. http://tfl.nu/7fga
  Replies (18) Good night (7360) Bad night (779) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (416): View more from Ontario

  He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (416): He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French. http://tfl.nu/rqrw
  Replies (80) Good night (830) Bad night (5564) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (585): View more from New York

  Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (585): Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58? http://tfl.nu/d4gh
  Replies (13) Good night (778) Bad night (3800) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (773): Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal http://tfl.nu/usjw
  Replies (28) Good night (20814) Bad night (581) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (586): View more from Michigan

  My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (586): My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis. http://tfl.nu/m0vb
  Replies (20) Good night (856) Bad night (4167) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away. http://tfl.nu/4epj
  Replies (7) Good night (2371) Bad night (361) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  My penis looks like a roll of pennies

  (303): View more from Colorado

  Oh. Ok. I get the hint.

  (404): View more from Georgia

  Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): My penis looks like a roll of pennies (303): Oh. Ok. I get the hint. (404): Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird... http://tfl.nu/xs9r
  Replies (15) Good night (323) Bad night (2842)
• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (925): im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy http://tfl.nu/0d9q
  Replies (19) Good night (2468) Bad night (456) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear http://tfl.nu/c4tr
  Replies (25) Good night (6267) Bad night (1158) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (417): View more from Missouri

  Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (417): Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted? http://tfl.nu/v1i6
  Replies (11) Good night (1184) Bad night (2810) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (607): View more from New York

  I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (607): I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy" http://tfl.nu/7l02
  Replies (35) Good night (4211) Bad night (423) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (604): View more from British Columbia

  it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (604): it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you http://tfl.nu/0wg6
  Replies (12) Good night (3406) Bad night (290) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning. http://tfl.nu/jpte
  Replies (13) Good night (460) Bad night (3514) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (706): View more from Georgia

  Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (706): Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day. http://tfl.nu/8doe
  Replies (17) Good night (7489) Bad night (432) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (515): View more from Iowa

  you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (515): you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep. http://tfl.nu/cw9o
  Replies (12) Good night (5969) Bad night (430) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (801): View more from Utah

  I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (801): I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight. http://tfl.nu/gp42
  Replies (11) Good night (4377) Bad night (753)
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?

  (1-918): View more from Oklahoma

  Woah.

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  that's not how you spell hell yes.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (918): you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you? (1-918): Woah. (918): that's not how you spell hell yes. http://tfl.nu/i519
  Replies (56) Good night (6958) Bad night (854)
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (814): Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside. http://tfl.nu/psku
  Replies (10) Good night (1114) Bad night (3412) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.

  (773): View more from Illinois

  SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (773) i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst. (773)SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person http://tfl.nu/tfn0
  Replies (11) Good night (1063) Bad night (2233)
• Favorite

  (660): View more from Missouri

  I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (660): I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point http://tfl.nu/7cy0
  Replies (30) Good night (682) Bad night (4129) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (434): View more from Virginia

  I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (434): I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either... http://tfl.nu/vddq
  Replies (45) Good night (547) Bad night (6715) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (765): View more from Indiana

  I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (765): I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings. http://tfl.nu/mgul
  Replies (26) Good night (9084) Bad night (785) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am. http://tfl.nu/p45r
  Replies (26) Good night (4397) Bad night (2012) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (313): View more from Michigan

  is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (313): is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad... http://tfl.nu/md38
  Replies (26) Good night (427) Bad night (4108) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (989): View more from Michigan

  Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (989): Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday. http://tfl.nu/laq5
  Replies (29) Good night (6512) Bad night (1072) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (660): View more from Missouri

  He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (660): He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean" http://tfl.nu/dsnf
  Replies (33) Good night (982) Bad night (11891) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (720): She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life. http://tfl.nu/paqh
  Replies (71) Good night (24617) Bad night (937) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  how do flat chested girls get laid?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (724): how do flat chested girls get laid? http://tfl.nu/7tbe
  Replies (189) Good night (932) Bad night (5554) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid http://tfl.nu/8ij1
  Replies (44) Good night (529) Bad night (3167) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides. http://tfl.nu/4pjs
  Replies (26) Good night (4187) Bad night (499) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (650): View more from California

  from now on my penis is your penis

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (650): from now on my penis is your penis http://tfl.nu/ipfj
  Replies (19) Good night (2572) Bad night (427) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (620): View more from Kansas

  I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (620): I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful. http://tfl.nu/8ema
  Replies (9) Good night (4994) Bad night (555) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (647): View more from Ontario

  Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (647): Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar. http://tfl.nu/rv9o
  Replies (27) Good night (946) Bad night (9357) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child http://tfl.nu/48ux
  Replies (31) Good night (7564) Bad night (1125) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (302): View more from Delaware

  do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (302): do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships? http://tfl.nu/h1g6
  Replies (148) Good night (1247) Bad night (5569) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it. http://tfl.nu/5i1a
  Replies (12) Good night (7870) Bad night (781)
• Favorite

  (616): View more from Michigan

  he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (616): he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail". http://tfl.nu/2qss
  Replies (26) Good night (5138) Bad night (789) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now? http://tfl.nu/2nou
  Replies (16) Good night (3639) Bad night (873)
• Favorite

  (337): View more from Louisiana

  Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (337): Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm. http://tfl.nu/whuj
  Replies (39) Good night (7076) Bad night (811) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (205): View more from Alabama

  When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (205): When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life' http://tfl.nu/863e
  Replies (26) Good night (6564) Bad night (753) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots. http://tfl.nu/yy52
  Replies (75) Good night (1124) Bad night (5910) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (857): View more from Massachusetts

  Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (857): Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility. http://tfl.nu/agqx
  Replies (39) Good night (1184) Bad night (4093) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (413): woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol. http://tfl.nu/kdb1
  Replies (21) Good night (882) Bad night (8338) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (912): View more from Georgia

  There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (912): There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up. http://tfl.nu/juwj
  Replies (24) Good night (9714) Bad night (648) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome. http://tfl.nu/crh1
  Replies (39) Good night (921) Bad night (4807) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  Did u at least say sorry?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet. (908): Did u at least say sorry? http://tfl.nu/m6e4
  Replies (42) Good night (830) Bad night (7884)
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.

  (1-410): View more from Maryland

  True romance of the 21st century.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too. (1-410): True romance of the 21st century. http://tfl.nu/laza
  Replies (61) Good night (12458) Bad night (873)
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake". http://tfl.nu/w0jz
  Replies (77) Good night (17719) Bad night (2149) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (450): View more from Quebec

  I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...

  (450): View more from Quebec

  On that note, do I have a rule?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (450): I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc... (450): On that note, do I have a rule? http://tfl.nu/u1td
  Replies (15) Good night (4438) Bad night (781)
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus. http://tfl.nu/scm8
  Replies (17) Good night (7263) Bad night (882) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.

  (1-773): View more from Illinois

  Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (773): She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win. (1-773): Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married http://tfl.nu/w32w
  Replies (19) Good night (866) Bad night (7143)
• Favorite

  (604): View more from British Columbia

  Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (604): Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit. http://tfl.nu/890j
  Replies (48) Good night (2455) Bad night (9137) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card http://tfl.nu/bprl
  Replies (30) Good night (1994) Bad night (7470)
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (202): no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow http://tfl.nu/mex5
  Replies (66) Good night (8024) Bad night (1673) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (570): Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high. http://tfl.nu/0v2t
  Replies (35) Good night (6378) Bad night (1027) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (480): Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis". http://tfl.nu/fly1
  Replies (39) Good night (7482) Bad night (746) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (316): View more from Kansas

  I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (316): I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex" http://tfl.nu/rqj6
  Replies (16) Good night (5888) Bad night (707) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (413): You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief. http://tfl.nu/eaos
  Replies (40) Good night (4701) Bad night (2972)
• Favorite

  (210): View more from Texas

  I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (210): I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low. http://tfl.nu/u768
  Replies (20) Good night (781) Bad night (5554) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (605): View more from South Dakota

  i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (605): i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here." http://tfl.nu/dk13
  Replies (20) Good night (8606) Bad night (1446)
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me... http://tfl.nu/nenj
  Replies (13) Good night (7639) Bad night (927) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting" http://tfl.nu/dmjy
  Replies (25) Good night (14546) Bad night (892) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (302): View more from Delaware

  dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (302): dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit http://tfl.nu/61qr
  Replies (13) Good night (6352) Bad night (868) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again. http://tfl.nu/0grs
  Replies (30) Good night (6094) Bad night (768) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (541): Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone? http://tfl.nu/1eib
  Replies (9) Good night (4885) Bad night (655) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (714): She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep. http://tfl.nu/k8wl
  Replies (17) Good night (6345) Bad night (1829) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free. http://tfl.nu/j1zd
  Replies (20) Good night (7976) Bad night (867) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream. http://tfl.nu/u0h5
  Replies (52) Good night (4387) Bad night (2566) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (414): I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets http://tfl.nu/vdn6
  Replies (14) Good night (802) Bad night (3575) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (501): View more from Arkansas

  recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (501): recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree. http://tfl.nu/wbc5
  Replies (86) Good night (8751) Bad night (4034) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (254): View more from Texas

  I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (254): I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time http://tfl.nu/rajz
  Replies (21) Good night (7964) Bad night (605) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (202): Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic. http://tfl.nu/byt1
  Replies (9) Good night (1036) Bad night (3718) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left. http://tfl.nu/77za
  Replies (62) Good night (10246) Bad night (1293) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+44): The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps. http://tfl.nu/azhr
  Replies (14) Good night (6335) Bad night (1091) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (540): I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans. http://tfl.nu/xkea
  Replies (73) Good night (1975) Bad night (5051) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....

  (1-540): View more from Virginia

  It was the best sex i've ever had.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (540): That was the scariest sex i've ever heard.... (1-540): It was the best sex i've ever had. http://tfl.nu/k8p9
  Replies (13) Good night (7372) Bad night (746) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (425): Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange. http://tfl.nu/6ccw
  Replies (19) Good night (973) Bad night (5171) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes" http://tfl.nu/m7wu
  Replies (13) Good night (7298) Bad night (781) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (803): No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick.. http://tfl.nu/tonx
  Replies (23) Good night (6134) Bad night (898) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (540): he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride http://tfl.nu/4fyt
  Replies (34) Good night (19410) Bad night (1293) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate. http://tfl.nu/z0ff
  Replies (10) Good night (8384) Bad night (697) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water http://tfl.nu/s84f
  Replies (24) Good night (6510) Bad night (666) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...

  (1-816): View more from Missouri

  Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.

  (816): View more from Missouri

  that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock... (1-816): Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings. (816): that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it. http://tfl.nu/66g0
  Replies (35) Good night (11608) Bad night (1040)
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on. http://tfl.nu/m36i
  Replies (16) Good night (988) Bad night (4868)
• Favorite

  (336): View more from North Carolina

  I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (336): I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality http://tfl.nu/g1bs
  Replies (73) Good night (1113) Bad night (12280) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (616): View more from Michigan

  So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (616): So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo??? http://tfl.nu/k6yj
  Replies (22) Good night (847) Bad night (4706) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (802): View more from Vermont

  We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (802): We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money." http://tfl.nu/9u0b
  Replies (12) Good night (1017) Bad night (5578) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken http://tfl.nu/dqor
  Replies (17) Good night (707) Bad night (5583) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now http://tfl.nu/173b
  Replies (25) Good night (8475) Bad night (1019)
• Favorite

  (719): View more from Colorado

  Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (719): Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas? http://tfl.nu/io06
  Replies (35) Good night (6711) Bad night (1094) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (708): Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex" http://tfl.nu/sy7y
  Replies (42) Good night (1089) Bad night (13952) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it. http://tfl.nu/xw76
  Replies (9) Good night (4924) Bad night (906) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV. http://tfl.nu/e3eb
  Replies (14) Good night (1290) Bad night (4887) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (414): I want to frame my negative pregnancy test. http://tfl.nu/y335
  Replies (26) Good night (6948) Bad night (798) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast. http://tfl.nu/8b17
  Replies (11) Good night (5045) Bad night (867)
• Favorite

  (706): View more from Georgia

  Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (706): Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession? http://tfl.nu/ohzs
  Replies (50) Good night (5990) Bad night (1671) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (904): I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday. http://tfl.nu/n34k
  Replies (6) Good night (3038) Bad night (1304) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (786): View more from Florida

  He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (786): He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way http://tfl.nu/nq2f
  Replies (26) Good night (5381) Bad night (1287) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke http://tfl.nu/o15u
  Replies (9) Good night (4534) Bad night (729) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (662): View more from Mississippi

  I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (662): I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits" http://tfl.nu/79pd
  Replies (40) Good night (10758) Bad night (775) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit. http://tfl.nu/7z3f
  Replies (19) Good night (3404) Bad night (616) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions http://tfl.nu/qwf5
  Replies (12) Good night (5232) Bad night (703) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned? http://tfl.nu/6bz7
  Replies (15) Good night (4872) Bad night (734) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels http://tfl.nu/84kp
  Replies (16) Good night (981) Bad night (5094) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (862): View more from New Jersey

  this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (862): this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming http://tfl.nu/d5m0
  Replies (34) Good night (3855) Bad night (694) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (770): Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives??? http://tfl.nu/8m9c
  Replies (65) Good night (6964) Bad night (1116) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (704): Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right? http://tfl.nu/9j2v
  Replies (37) Good night (7218) Bad night (1538) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood? http://tfl.nu/72yq
  Replies (22) Good night (3955) Bad night (1657) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (916): View more from California

  He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (916): He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants http://tfl.nu/xfxv
  Replies (46) Good night (12710) Bad night (1770) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (208): View more from Idaho

  His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (208): His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood. http://tfl.nu/55rt
  Replies (13) Good night (4654) Bad night (1349) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (626): View more from California

  a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (626): a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms http://tfl.nu/zv9q
  Replies (6) Good night (661) Bad night (3585) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome. http://tfl.nu/sdp2
  Replies (8) Good night (4951) Bad night (618) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle. http://tfl.nu/mxjx
  Replies (7) Good night (652) Bad night (4717) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery. http://tfl.nu/316x
  Replies (36) Good night (7110) Bad night (735) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (256): View more from Alabama

  from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.

  (334): View more from Alabama

  i do.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (256): from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot. (334): i do. http://tfl.nu/nohm
  Replies (14) Good night (5095) Bad night (784)
• Favorite

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (413): She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list http://tfl.nu/8owq
  Replies (20) Good night (11021) Bad night (690) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer. http://tfl.nu/r45y
  Replies (10) Good night (5952) Bad night (589) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life http://tfl.nu/jn6o
  Replies (18) Good night (6379) Bad night (711) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night. http://tfl.nu/upkg
  Replies (24) Good night (10063) Bad night (807) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (765): View more from Indiana

  Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (765): Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom. http://tfl.nu/gaio
  Replies (32) Good night (2998) Bad night (5562) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened... http://tfl.nu/unry
  Replies (64) Good night (24093) Bad night (2348) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal. http://tfl.nu/vbhe
  Replies (24) Good night (7491) Bad night (1082) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning http://tfl.nu/4hjz
  Replies (6) Good night (772) Bad night (3928) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun http://tfl.nu/05t6
  Replies (15) Good night (6824) Bad night (648) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room. http://tfl.nu/9qb1
  Replies (17) Good night (815) Bad night (5610)
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (813): so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw http://tfl.nu/9zj1
  Replies (32) Good night (7781) Bad night (674) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle. http://tfl.nu/il9h
  Replies (33) Good night (7721) Bad night (1126) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.

  (519): View more from Ontario

  She did the bend and snap...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy. (519): She did the bend and snap... http://tfl.nu/78hn
  Replies (29) Good night (7277) Bad night (808)
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you. http://tfl.nu/kcuf
  Replies (12) Good night (2047) Bad night (3106) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life. http://tfl.nu/g5ok
  Replies (35) Good night (14619) Bad night (895)
• Favorite

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (803): I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on http://tfl.nu/5tgi
  Replies (42) Good night (9109) Bad night (707) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (925): I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands. http://tfl.nu/9x0j
  Replies (22) Good night (6122) Bad night (969) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help. http://tfl.nu/rixg
  Replies (19) Good night (2305) Bad night (4797) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (760): View more from California

  He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (760): He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper. http://tfl.nu/lg2v
  Replies (26) Good night (10265) Bad night (564) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music http://tfl.nu/f2pv
  Replies (48) Good night (16986) Bad night (1019) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal. http://tfl.nu/asxv
  Replies (23) Good night (3897) Bad night (754) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (720): You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar http://tfl.nu/nzkd
  Replies (21) Good night (8178) Bad night (686) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..." http://tfl.nu/9x9f
  Replies (16) Good night (1750) Bad night (3490) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (419): View more from Ohio

  Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (419): Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico http://tfl.nu/934w
  Replies (18) Good night (6966) Bad night (785) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (909): View more from California

  I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (909): I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him http://tfl.nu/axwb
  Replies (165) Good night (87457) Bad night (3242) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  How did your new apartment party go last night?

  (219): View more from Indiana

  I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (812): How did your new apartment party go last night? (219): I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in. http://tfl.nu/upa6
  Replies (3) Good night (3663) Bad night (658)
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (913): Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount. http://tfl.nu/7zsg
  Replies (21) Good night (6247) Bad night (793) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (724): It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it http://tfl.nu/fti9
  Replies (11) Good night (4785) Bad night (680) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (828): View more from North Carolina

  Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (828): Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying. http://tfl.nu/gcnz
  Replies (12) Good night (726) Bad night (5050) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed" http://tfl.nu/g8fj
  Replies (22) Good night (2327) Bad night (4608) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (650): View more from California

  You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (650): You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him. http://tfl.nu/2plm
  Replies (14) Good night (5339) Bad night (834) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism. http://tfl.nu/ywit
  Replies (19) Good night (4860) Bad night (830) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed. http://tfl.nu/eckq
  Replies (22) Good night (6897) Bad night (815)
• Favorite

  (661): View more from California

  this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (661): this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date. http://tfl.nu/1wwe
  Replies (51) Good night (6929) Bad night (1389) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (207): so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable. http://tfl.nu/pqak
  Replies (16) Good night (4784) Bad night (972) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): He's pole dancing on a heat lamp. http://tfl.nu/0l62
  Replies (9) Good night (1234) Bad night (3144) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest http://tfl.nu/tjgh
  Replies (13) Good night (3993) Bad night (679) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn" http://tfl.nu/e8ge
  Replies (19) Good night (5334) Bad night (998)
• Favorite

  (647): View more from Ontario

  They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (647): They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling. http://tfl.nu/0who
  Replies (12) Good night (936) Bad night (5364) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (865): View more from Tennessee

  Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (865): Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store? http://tfl.nu/4sw9
  Replies (24) Good night (5515) Bad night (1373) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from. http://tfl.nu/qa0c
  Replies (11) Good night (5171) Bad night (818) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (802): View more from Vermont

  he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (802): he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes... http://tfl.nu/9zzk
  Replies (68) Good night (949) Bad night (10747) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (623): View more from Arizona

  Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (623): Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy. http://tfl.nu/cg4z
  Replies (60) Good night (1925) Bad night (4772) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (765): View more from Indiana

  He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (765): He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder. http://tfl.nu/7khc
  Replies (81) Good night (15966) Bad night (2337) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (913): I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself http://tfl.nu/n2u9
  Replies (45) Good night (1205) Bad night (6799) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day http://tfl.nu/20xi
  Replies (14) Good night (8539) Bad night (994) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too http://tfl.nu/1ldg
  Replies (18) Good night (6387) Bad night (596) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (902): You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes http://tfl.nu/flaw
  Replies (26) Good night (1686) Bad night (3906) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (859): View more from Kentucky

  I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (859): I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding. http://tfl.nu/b0qx
  Replies (17) Good night (3937) Bad night (760) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (704): The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it. http://tfl.nu/e919
  Replies (20) Good night (7354) Bad night (750) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (415): It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year. http://tfl.nu/fhgz
  Replies (19) Good night (5552) Bad night (1057) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  guess who has a date tonight

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (207): guess who has a date tonight (401): look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed http://tfl.nu/0667
  Replies (25) Good night (6662) Bad night (780)
• Favorite

  (660): View more from Missouri

  I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (660): I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better. http://tfl.nu/xn35
  Replies (45) Good night (4114) Bad night (1067)
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER. http://tfl.nu/jf69
  Replies (22) Good night (797) Bad night (6670) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head. http://tfl.nu/x66l
  Replies (20) Good night (7440) Bad night (874) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (234): View more from Ohio

  if we break up, who will get the dealer?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (234): if we break up, who will get the dealer? http://tfl.nu/k5oc
  Replies (8) Good night (1182) Bad night (4104) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (575): View more from New Mexico

  The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (575): The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order" http://tfl.nu/htwe
  Replies (17) Good night (12238) Bad night (770) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (240): View more from Maryland

  today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (240): today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal http://tfl.nu/c4vg
  Replies (21) Good night (7662) Bad night (717) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot. http://tfl.nu/a1lj
  Replies (64) Good night (26335) Bad night (1504) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (651): i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once http://tfl.nu/7d16
  Replies (14) Good night (3968) Bad night (1628) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (814): so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar? http://tfl.nu/t8an
  Replies (16) Good night (1230) Bad night (5007) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now. http://tfl.nu/xaw7
  Replies (14) Good night (1451) Bad night (4280) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship. http://tfl.nu/j0tt
  Replies (13) Good night (6230) Bad night (1161) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach http://tfl.nu/jjm1
  Replies (11) Good night (4249) Bad night (1078) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (714): I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's. http://tfl.nu/jhuh
  Replies (7) Good night (5011) Bad night (801) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (701): View more from North Dakota

  She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (701): She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex. http://tfl.nu/crgk
  Replies (63) Good night (20575) Bad night (853) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night. http://tfl.nu/91q5
  Replies (7) Good night (712) Bad night (4549) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this. http://tfl.nu/c6uc
  Replies (16) Good night (1164) Bad night (4247) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (561): View more from Florida

  I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (561): I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date http://tfl.nu/ynms
  Replies (29) Good night (13776) Bad night (874) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (254): View more from Texas

  I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (254): I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night. http://tfl.nu/j8hi
  Replies (27) Good night (4197) Bad night (939)
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick. http://tfl.nu/d1ac
  Replies (21) Good night (5486) Bad night (1038) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (267): she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it" http://tfl.nu/pya0
  Replies (46) Good night (1627) Bad night (9165) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (707): View more from California

  He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (707): He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good http://tfl.nu/rj3f
  Replies (19) Good night (5178) Bad night (815) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is.. http://tfl.nu/mon5
  Replies (14) Good night (9316) Bad night (664) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (928): View more from Arizona

  We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (928): We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in http://tfl.nu/1vzn
  Replies (17) Good night (5886) Bad night (655) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (507): View more from Minnesota

  That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (507): That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form. http://tfl.nu/4aa9
  Replies (15) Good night (779) Bad night (4876) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time. http://tfl.nu/nker
  Replies (9) Good night (4767) Bad night (768) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head. http://tfl.nu/uhfs
  Replies (7) Good night (4087) Bad night (786) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm http://tfl.nu/fqql
  Replies (17) Good night (913) Bad night (3757) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name. http://tfl.nu/d1cf
  Replies (12) Good night (1020) Bad night (4243) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (715): I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that. http://tfl.nu/f05r
  Replies (7) Good night (1087) Bad night (5141) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (530): View more from California

  my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (530): my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad... http://tfl.nu/yh1f
  Replies (52) Good night (2018) Bad night (9696)
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth. http://tfl.nu/6w2r
  Replies (26) Good night (1331) Bad night (7272) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise. http://tfl.nu/okxz
  Replies (13) Good night (5201) Bad night (940) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried http://tfl.nu/sini
  Replies (38) Good night (1778) Bad night (7413) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (425): Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack. http://tfl.nu/ptag
  Replies (32) Good night (1027) Bad night (8394)
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father http://tfl.nu/ngdo
  Replies (44) Good night (1652) Bad night (8654) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper http://tfl.nu/7n4i
  Replies (53) Good night (26452) Bad night (1094) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song. http://tfl.nu/3qmr
  Replies (14) Good night (5737) Bad night (869) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing http://tfl.nu/4nw4
  Replies (29) Good night (3092) Bad night (4245) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (650): View more from California

  I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (650): I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered. http://tfl.nu/k2a9
  Replies (11) Good night (4129) Bad night (709) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him http://tfl.nu/3fbj
  Replies (21) Good night (1110) Bad night (8471) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.

  (1-610): View more from Pennsylvania

  who'd you have sex with.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions. (1-610): who'd you have sex with. http://tfl.nu/97tl
  Replies (12) Good night (1930) Bad night (3845) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (305): View more from Florida

  I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?

  (1-305): View more from Florida

  Seriously?

  (305): View more from Florida

  100%

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (305): I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox? (1-305): Seriously? (305): 100% http://tfl.nu/w2fu
  Replies (15) Good night (6403) Bad night (781)
• Favorite

  (501): View more from Arkansas

  He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (501): He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice. http://tfl.nu/qyuj
  Replies (7) Good night (5730) Bad night (570) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  How did you steal an entire pie?

  (602): View more from Arizona

  I don't know. It's in my purse.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): How did you steal an entire pie? (602): I don't know. It's in my purse. http://tfl.nu/b3mp
  Replies (22) Good night (10846) Bad night (732)
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue http://tfl.nu/zfyk
  Replies (8) Good night (4442) Bad night (1107) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (937): View more from Ohio

  after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (937): after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head. http://tfl.nu/3prw
  Replies (45) Good night (10000) Bad night (3891) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet. http://tfl.nu/z4ao
  Replies (24) Good night (7146) Bad night (1330) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (651): How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out? http://tfl.nu/x0y6
  Replies (22) Good night (4889) Bad night (1372) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (502): View more from Kentucky

  Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (502): Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day http://tfl.nu/ab75
  Replies (13) Good night (759) Bad night (4569) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people." http://tfl.nu/j747
  Replies (13) Good night (1642) Bad night (4454) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever http://tfl.nu/70al
  Replies (16) Good night (6166) Bad night (1215)
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (770): i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises. http://tfl.nu/q0zn
  Replies (52) Good night (6283) Bad night (1423) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (903): View more from Texas

  The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (903): The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while. http://tfl.nu/y23x
  Replies (21) Good night (7021) Bad night (1457)
• Favorite

  (269): View more from Michigan

  Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (269): Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail http://tfl.nu/mrce
  Replies (8) Good night (2921) Bad night (451) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (618): View more from Illinois

  So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (618): So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in. http://tfl.nu/s63a
  Replies (39) Good night (3881) Bad night (5006) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (765): View more from Indiana

  well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (765): well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too. http://tfl.nu/2o1v
  Replies (16) Good night (4206) Bad night (590) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (252): View more from North Carolina

  Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (252): Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won http://tfl.nu/atk6
  Replies (30) Good night (12843) Bad night (782) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.

  (602): View more from Arizona

  Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (480): He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere. (602): Why would he say turtle mid-fuck? http://tfl.nu/okxi
  Replies (17) Good night (5420) Bad night (923)
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (918): i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses. http://tfl.nu/hs1z
  Replies (32) Good night (7094) Bad night (971) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (872): View more from Illinois

  mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (872): mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning http://tfl.nu/e3e8
  Replies (11) Good night (1068) Bad night (4390) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (530): View more from California

  Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (530): Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed. http://tfl.nu/pk0q
  Replies (30) Good night (7455) Bad night (897)
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  ...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime (724): ...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname http://tfl.nu/hnce
  Replies (62) Good night (7042) Bad night (452)
• Favorite

  (949): View more from California

  she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."

  (949): View more from California

  little did she know i was taping her the whole time.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (949): she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket." (949): little did she know i was taping her the whole time. http://tfl.nu/jcur
  Replies (53) Good night (9086) Bad night (2147)
• Favorite

  (613): View more from Ontario

  you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (613): you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved http://tfl.nu/t5ge
  Replies (32) Good night (7786) Bad night (752) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (727): View more from Florida

  I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (727): I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class http://tfl.nu/b4xz
  Replies (49) Good night (5175) Bad night (702) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  i will never coherently bang her

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (207): i will never coherently bang her http://tfl.nu/z0d8
  Replies (6) Good night (554) Bad night (2916) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (571): View more from Virginia

  I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (571): I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive http://tfl.nu/mms9
  Replies (10) Good night (4974) Bad night (627) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (931): View more from Tennessee

  she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (931): she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by. http://tfl.nu/75ga
  Replies (14) Good night (4827) Bad night (843)
• Favorite

  (209): View more from California

  update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.

  (1-209): View more from California

  the house was on fire??

  (209): View more from California

  shit I thought I told you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (209): update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff. (1-209): the house was on fire?? (209): shit I thought I told you. http://tfl.nu/gdcx
  Replies (16) Good night (889) Bad night (4828)
• Favorite

  (705): View more from Ontario

  last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (705): last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends http://tfl.nu/1nok
  Replies (12) Good night (2883) Bad night (515) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (212): View more from New York

  Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (212): Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did! http://tfl.nu/gcyx
  Replies (26) Good night (3610) Bad night (369) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (810): View more from Michigan

  Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (810) Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal. http://tfl.nu/hj11
  Replies (4) Good night (323) Bad night (552) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (608): I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday. http://tfl.nu/an09
  Replies (33) Good night (2108) Bad night (10492)
• Favorite

  (228): View more from Mississippi

  She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (228): She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly http://tfl.nu/58r9
  Replies (24) Good night (608) Bad night (6906) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store http://tfl.nu/cjt7
  Replies (23) Good night (9973) Bad night (429) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  I mistook a propane tank for a keg.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (850): I mistook a propane tank for a keg. http://tfl.nu/qvlo
  Replies (21) Good night (697) Bad night (9828) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical http://tfl.nu/uh4w
  Replies (141) Good night (3987) Bad night (1996) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (419): View more from Ohio

  The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (419): The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song. http://tfl.nu/rv8e
  Replies (38) Good night (8689) Bad night (977) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (727): View more from Florida

  I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (727): I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up http://tfl.nu/lw6q
  Replies (10) Good night (3390) Bad night (325) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont http://tfl.nu/r9tg
  Replies (4) Good night (3365) Bad night (223) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.

  (1-206): View more from Washington

  Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light. (1-206): Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had. http://tfl.nu/n63r
  Replies (8) Good night (914) Bad night (1586) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?

  (917): View more from New York City

  what kind of party is this?

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  the best kind ever

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home? (917): what kind of party is this? (610): the best kind ever http://tfl.nu/ib1r
  Replies (22) Good night (7547) Bad night (781)
• Favorite

  (941): View more from Florida

  I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (941): I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever. http://tfl.nu/ukm2
  Replies (11) Good night (4776) Bad night (773) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number. http://tfl.nu/ol2r
  Replies (19) Good night (6688) Bad night (765) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (760): View more from California

  so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (760): so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost? http://tfl.nu/osjc
  Replies (21) Good night (2551) Bad night (6451) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome. http://tfl.nu/kpah
  Replies (18) Good night (5740) Bad night (854)
• Favorite

  (775): View more from Nevada

  Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (775): Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy? http://tfl.nu/1eeo
  Replies (33) Good night (4582) Bad night (1953) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (901): View more from Tennessee

  I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (901): I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole http://tfl.nu/4rln
  Replies (12) Good night (5176) Bad night (915)
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  u sound so gay right now

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me. (978): u sound so gay right now http://tfl.nu/zm49
  Replies (34) Good night (6641) Bad night (918)
• Favorite

  (951): View more from California

  I didn't know people actually cried after sex.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (951): I didn't know people actually cried after sex. http://tfl.nu/mss1
  Replies (25) Good night (801) Bad night (7106) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?

  (713): View more from Texas

  lets deal with that after we figure out where i am

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen? (713): lets deal with that after we figure out where i am http://tfl.nu/0phs
  Replies (21) Good night (10337) Bad night (854)
• Favorite

  (219): View more from Indiana

  i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (219): i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her http://tfl.nu/s6o1
  Replies (42) Good night (7521) Bad night (962) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed http://tfl.nu/zklq
  Replies (12) Good night (6137) Bad night (702) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (607): View more from New York

  she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (607): she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet. http://tfl.nu/uotm
  Replies (36) Good night (1306) Bad night (8109) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (419): View more from Ohio

  vegan vag taste different. and not a good different

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (419): vegan vag taste different. and not a good different http://tfl.nu/aqb4
  Replies (133) Good night (846) Bad night (8193) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.' http://tfl.nu/iq97
  Replies (27) Good night (1240) Bad night (4899) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (810): View more from Michigan

  When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.

  (1-810): View more from Michigan

  that probably didn't help your case.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (810): When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing. (1-810): that probably didn't help your case. http://tfl.nu/4tll
  Replies (14) Good night (1239) Bad night (377) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  i feel rough

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): i feel rough (617): just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE. http://tfl.nu/6foz
  Replies (24) Good night (438) Bad night (1533)
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family? http://tfl.nu/vek9
  Replies (72) Good night (1673) Bad night (7661)
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain. http://tfl.nu/693g
  Replies (16) Good night (707) Bad night (4087) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (615): New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs http://tfl.nu/ycoz
  Replies (29) Good night (6031) Bad night (419) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (752): View more from California

  i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (752): i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt http://tfl.nu/4czo
  Replies (50) Good night (5760) Bad night (706) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (204): View more from Manitoba

  i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (204): i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week. http://tfl.nu/kpcq
  Replies (5) Good night (3763) Bad night (569) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (858): View more from California

  that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (858): that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey... http://tfl.nu/6cil
  Replies (12) Good night (4010) Bad night (581) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA http://tfl.nu/d77g
  Replies (14) Good night (4373) Bad night (444) Order T-Shirt