I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Send us your Text From Last Night!
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
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