But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Loading more great texts...