he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
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i'm a guy, and i'm gonna go ahead and say thats probably one of the best lines i've seen on this site
i second that, 10:13. who the hell fucks without a condom these days anyway? idiots. my buddy has this "give some, take some" approach to STDs. no thanks. i'll keep my weiner clean and NOT pay child support.
Haahhhaaa I stopped carrying them the time the condom I had was too big for his tiny dick. Men, buy your own, it's really not that hard.
I don't see why you're all fighting over this. Regardless of whether of not she should have had a condom she didn't and she used a REALLY GREAT LINE to get her point across - that she wasn't having sex without it. Maybe she usually had them? Maybe they ran out? Who knows. But she was smart and safe and really really witty.
while i'll give you that it is safer for the woman to carry them, its not her fucking job to buy the condoms. Girls pay, sometimes a lot of money, for birth control pills. guys can spend on the condoms. and while it is a good idea for a girl to carry condoms, the responsibility really doesn't lie on her.
for all the idiots saying pulling out works - I got pregnant that way...so um, NO it doesn't work!
yea i also got pregnant that way even with taking birth controle EVERYDAY dont use pull out use a condom
I got pregnant that way too! Lol definitely learnt my lesson. And I love my daughter :) she's definitely not an accident though. Best thing that's ever happened to me.
You three just fuck dudes that are too retarded to pull out at the right time
sperm is in pre-ejaculate fluid, dumbass.
Sperm is in both pre-cum and cum, not just the pre-cum.
2:15/3:37: point is, grow up.
1:34: Agreed. and getting birth control often entails more than just the price (i.e. Time/$ spent having to meet w/ your doctor first and go through an exam, messed up side-effects of various birth-control methods, having to remember to take your damn pill every single day, etc.)
The least men can do is keep a condom or two in their wallet.
condoms break more easily when kept in a wallet. pocket's a better choice.
Wow. That's one of the most awesome lines!
(Finding out like that, that the guy lied about not having condoms so he could go bare for his own satisfaction--would have been my cue for re-dressing!!!)
BC costs between 50-100 Dollars if you have INSURANCE. Without it, it's twice as much. You can buy a twelve pack of condoms for 5 bucks at Walgreens, the good kind that ensure to snag anything you don't want to get in. However, both parties regardless of Birth control or not should have at least one condom on them when they are looking to get laid.
Although a witty line, I would have zipped up my pants the moment I caught the fool lying. No vajayjay for him. Ever.
or....you can go to Planned Parenthood and get birth control for free along with free condoms, so the $5 a guy has to spend for condoms ends up being more of an expense than a girl would have to spend.
I am a single mother and I absolutely love this statement... and will definately use this line if the need ever arises.
BEST LINE EVER! you're definately my hero now!
that's fucking priceless!
LMAO 4:16 i've bought one box... It was the Magnums, someone told me they were good. How was I supposed to know that equaled huge. Anyway I'm so going to use this line, if I ever need to. lol
You're brilliant, and that douche doesn't deserve you :D
Which is exactly why shes with him
1:05: Because she is part of the act too... if she wants to fuck, she should make sure she has protection. Both parties should have one. there is only one person responsible for your health, that is you!
This is probably one of my favorites ever
hahahaha wtf bay area men!?
Clever!!! Nicely done.
I am giving that line to my teenager to use!
are you serious?
"Perfect, I'd love to trade STDs. Bring it on!"
hahaha! I wonder who this is cuz I live in the 510 lol
I would only be worried if he thought he was ready to be a father!
"Don't have random sex with strangers... condom dilemma solved." ...Are you serious? Are you really that fucking dumb? Just because you wear a condom with someone when you have sex with them doesn't mean that person is a stranger...it just means you're being smart. What if you're not on the pill?? And what about STD's?? Quit being stupid prude.
And awesome response. I think I, like many ladies here, will be stealing that from you!
@1:25 Not all chicks carry a purse, try again. Besides I've had the "just in case" condom then I got an "I'm allergic to latex" excuse.
Yeahhh!!! The bay baby!!
Holy Shit. Best story ever, although I agree with most of these guys. At that point ditch him.
this is so fucked up you arguing over it!
it's guy + girl, not guy vs. girl
if you aren't mature enough to see that, you probably shouldn't be fucking in the first place.
this is marinated in win and i love it.
Absolutely brilliant! Your my new hero!
nice line, but why would you fuck that jerk anyways? he obviously doesnt care about giving/transmitting STDs, pregnancy.....
that is the funniest thing i've ever heard
Hhahahahahaha, that's a good one, Yeah that magical forgotten condom huh?, that line was so full of epic win!
umm why is it the woman's job to carry around the condoms?
that would happen in the bay
everyone saying pulling out is more effective than a condom are so fucking dumb. guys pre ejaculate, which there is a HIGH HIGH chance neither of you will feel so he pulls out after that. pre ejaculation has sperms.. so you still have the chance of getting pregnant. dumb asses. go to health class.
Yeah, 3:31, that may work for you, but not for most people. Pulling out is about as effective as saying, "Yeah, my sperm swim the wrong way. You won't get pregnant." Idiot.
Other note--- AWESOME LINE. I've used it many times, and miraculously, the guy always finds one after that. :)
....your mouth can't get pregnant!
That would make me\nPull one out
2:15 is not ready to be a mom.
I'm a woman who's allergic to latex. Didn't find out until having sex with a guy wearing a condom. So glad I'm married now so don't have to worry about that issue. :-)
Oh that is a good line, all chicks should do that
i dont see any dudes carrying around a "just in case" pack of birth control pills
birth control doesn't work right away...dure
Nicely done. Just wait until the next guy gets excited and says he's ready to be a dad. No clever words available to get out of that one :\
What a douchebag.
(And for all he knew, you could have had chlamydia!)
To the morons who say pulling out is effective: I got pregnant the ONLY time my boyfriend and I used the pull out method... never got pregnant from the hundreds of times we used condoms.
Anyway.... hilarious line, OP.
Soooooooooo been in that situation. I'm gonna use your line next time.
lol I'm ready to be a mom, why would you have sex without a rubber amyway? Ever hear of STD's? lol kids these days lol
are all of you really serious about pulling out being the solution to having no condom?
gah, i can't even imagine how many stds are swarming down there...
im pretty sure i know these people
That's a very good one xD
Nice!! I like her, she's witty
to everyone getting in heated debates over this & other texts: i'm pretty sure morals don't belong on this website. leave your preaching for church & just enjoy that some people are FUCKING HILARIOUS !!!
love this one btw. you are my hero.
I think that's one of my favorite posts EVER! I'll have to remember that one!
haha thats fucked up. i would have stuck it in anyway
lmao im stealing that line for next time
Good girl. High five on that one haha
lmao @ 2:37 and the op
smart men pull out, geniuses use condoms
SO going to use that line!!! SO going to!
Damn, now all the chicks are gonna use this line.
Genius none the less. But that's why I fuck them in the ass.
Eh You both should have some on you... YOU CAN GO AGAIN!!! :D
Hahaha what a jerk!!!!! I love him thooo <3
DAMN you are my fucking hero
You're my hero. Brillant.
Hahahahaha lol funny
OMG! I LOVE THE BAY! only in OUR city will shit like this happen, im a girl n that was the best line ever. one time i asked to look in a guys wallet, i found a GOLDEN wrapper, n then i was like we can use this, then he took off his pants, all that ran through my head was. "False advertisement!"
I am totally using that line!!
haha thats hilarious, im so using that line
if u were trying to trick him into getting him to wear one, then well played. If not u shouldn't be reproducing ...ever
10:09.. awe hahahaha
You're my hero, end of story.
Who the fuck keeps tlkin bout their teacher? Get a fuckin life!
I think you are brilliant!
That is the best tfln ever i can't stop laughing ha!
May 28, 2009 9:38PM
Pulling out doesnt always work... precum has some traces of seamen in it.
Ps. - I always carry some condoms with me, but i'm still using that line sometime!!
I'm toally using that next time.
Well personally I carry the condoms b/c I can get the kind I like and KNOW they are good. Guys might not be so careful. I trust myself more anyways. That being said, Its NICE if a guy has some... but Im still using my own.
this is the best line i've ever heard... totally borrowing it next time
thats fuckin hilarious
This is the best thing ever
ive said that excuse to fuck her in the ass
i guess im just lucky my ex-girlfriend isnt as smart as op
and you STILL had sex with him? class...
If I need to use that line, I will. =D
Simply put. Hilarious. One of the best ones I have read. Well done.
@ 2:15am- how old are you?
I'm so going to use this. I already have a kid so I'm sure they'd buy into me wanting another.
haha this is amazing
LMFAO!!! Nice.... I would have just pulled out. I HATE condoms!!!
its her responsibility to carry a 'just in case' condom because its just sketchy if the guy has to pull out his 'just in case' plan B
I'm guessing soviet Russia gave him the condom
LMAO marin people arguing over condoms/birth control. get a life
so using that line! but girl u deserve better
Wow, you are awesome!
HAHA you go girl, i might use that one
umm why is it the woman's job to carry around the condoms?
May 29, 2009 1:05AM"
Cause if she wants him to wrap it, she should be willing to buy and carry them.
Plus its easier/safer for a women to carry them in her purse than a man to carry them in his pocket
In soviet Russia, condom forget you!
This is the smartest idea ever! I am totally using this next time :P
HAHAHA that was great.
haha basically the same thing happened to me. I said thats ok I'm pro-choice...
I'm not but he went and got a condom real faaast :)
Birth control cost A LOT more than condoms so if the guy can't afford to have them on stand-by, he should be using his hand to get off.
You can get it for about $10 at Wal-mart. If you look at the yearly cost, though, that's about $120.
I hate actually being allergic to latex.
No-one believes me any more.
*pets*\npolyurethane condoms. trojan supra. lambskin. keep them on-hand. i'm a chick and latex sensitive; although 'specialized' condoms are more expensive, completely worth it.
1:03AM and 11:54AM
Child Support = 216 payments, and 10's of thousands of dollars. Do you really want to risk one of your swimmers getting out of the tube before you get out of the tunnel? Listen to "Dad." Wrap it up 100% of the time!
ATTA GIRL! That's incredible. I'm proud.
thats the best line ever! i love it
Wow. Just ... just wow. I wish I could "good night" this 50 more times.
HahHa reppin the bay area hahaha good job
5:53... You BETTER have that condom, because no one wants to get HIV from a slut like you.
Hahah roflmfao!!! Amazing!
Might have to use that line sometime too.....
condoms are overrated anyway and chicks love it raw
You rule, hahahahahaha.
haha quick thinking!!
Imma guy and this happend to My Friend(girl
Dear 12:38, your comment just made my day ahahahaa
to people who cry about women buying condoms...
Birth control pills are a lot cheaper if you actually fuck on them. Condoms are like 2$/piece. If you fuck daily, it's 60$ a month. Plus, I'm a woman and I take BC regardless because it makes my period hurt less. So stop with the shit. Besides, men pay for the shit before the sex sometimes. The sense of entitlement of whores these days makes me sigh.
I WANT YOU TO BE A MOM TOO
That is fanfuckingtastic!
Awesome line.... Awesome Chick.
This is the best line ever!! I too will be using it! Hopefully you didn't call him again. He was lying through his teeth about not having one. What a selfish ass! In other words he didn't care about giving or getting stds or what you wanted. All he cared about was his selfish wants and the sensation he would get during the act.
Im a dude and that is some funny stuff.......and 5:53 apparently your a little upset because nobody wants to have sex with you. Anyways...GREAT TEXT!
HAHAHAHAH, that's clever!
Pure. Effing. Genius.
That is genius!!! Every girl should say that.
how about just don't have sex at all, well unless you're married.
hahahaa, fan fucking tastic! fucking dudes....
You can get birth control pills free in the uk, but I carry a condom with me. I mean why not? It's not exactly a chore is it.
Lmfao that rich!!
Will be useing that one
I don't think anyone's bothered to mention that you can get STDs from anal as well. Sorry to break it to you guys but it's factual. And guys and girls who are allergic to latex, there's good news for you. Check over the counter, the pharmacist will point you to the latex free condoms.
fuck you I sure this class so much
They do make silicone-based condoms. Perfect for those with latex allergies (real or imagined) and less likely to break. As someone with a real latex sensitivity, they were a lifesaver. :)
2:09 you should probably watch your kids a little better and NOT encourage them to have sex.
Yay areaaaa. :) that's how us bitches get down. :)
Best way to get one on
This is the best idea ever!
i just pressed bad night so that it would be 900 :)
This made me laugh so freaking hard. And I'm so using this next time!
LMAO! YESSS! Best line EVER
haha thats great ima use that one next time!
I live in the 510 area code. The Bay area is small enough, i honestly hope i know you. Because you deserve Kudos for this kind of tactic. hahaha
It was the condom fairy!! Thanks Dane Cook for showing us the light!!
Genius bloody brilliant.
Thats awesome every girl should use that line.
Mm, I love a good bayarea skaank
I tried that whole "pulling out" thing...
I have a 4 month old daughter now.
Pulling out = FAIL
NICE!!!! If I ever need to, I'm TOTALLY using that! Go Girl!
Brilliant! Double, triple, BRILLIANT!!
Amen to that
I'm so using this!!'
Genius! Smart girl.
Fuck yea!!!! Guys always try that one...
that was good girl. He's a joke!!
Don't have random sex with strangers... condom dilemma solved.
10:47 you are my fav.
Haha that is hilarious!!!
HAHAH, makes my life.
You're my hero. I'm gonna have to remember that one....
8:51 hahahha. this is first off an amazing text but this argument makes it better.
i'm a girl, i keep a condom in my wallet.
I just need to be the boring one and point out that you are very able to get pregnant when using "pulling out" as contraceptive... There´s something called precum..
hahaha that like made my night!! hahaha
In Soviet Russia, condom forget you!
I love that line. I think it's better to provide your own protection though.
dayym girl. you legend (:
everybody should carry condoms. everybody.
"Pulling Out" Rivals Condoms, Study Says
I've never been more prouder to be from the 510, the bay area.
haha this is grrrreat!!! SOOOooOO true! .. this shit happens!
Hahahaha! So typical!
That is amazing. You go, girl!
Damn, that's amazing!
Omg hahaha. Awesome.
Oh and forgot the fact, ur the one who knows what size ur cock is! We can't carry around one for every size douxhebags
i'm gonna have to start using that one...hahaha.
Hahaaa IM DYINGG
haha this is hilarious... i am deff going to remember this one : ) nicceee
That's fuckin amazing! Haha
I'm a guy and that is funny.
bahaha... i just might have to use that one! love it
Anal here we come...
2:37- you're right bc i'm a guy haha and 2:19 how does my age affect this?
This is champion status right here.
birth control to stop the pregnancy if thats all the girl is concerned about. bring some condoms to stop stds. your purse is a whole lot easier to carry a condom than my wallet crushing and destroying the dam thing.
So he's ready to be a dad???
The dildo had on a condom when I stuk it up my teachers butt
Lol thats the best ever!
1 in 4 people have an STD. 90% of people with HIV don't know they have it.
Ok so with the whole pulling out vs not conversation this is my perspective on it. I have been married for 3 yrs, we got pregnant with our son at 5 months (we were trying) we now have a two ur old son and have NEVER used a condom since, I have never been on birth control once in my life and have always used the pulling out method. Now I'm not trying to say that it works or doesn't but it's atleast worked for me.
Yay area..I fuck wit you
I told my boyfriend if he wanted to have sex without a condom, even with me on birth control, it was fine with me but he had to be prepared to tell my Dad we were expecting if the subject should arise later on.
Yeah that's good.
Haha sounds like a true man
I CAN'T STOP CALLING PEOPLE DICKS!!!
Love this! And he magically had one then. Go girl!!
guys are retarded
i'm gonna use that
except it would kind of blow the big one if they really didn't have a condom, thought you were legitimately a psycho maury-bound baby mama wannabe, and you didn't get to have sex.
LOLZ you are lucky he didn't walk out on your ass
This is hillarious!!
And I'm ready to b a dad
Win. Nice scare tactic. :)
you carry a 'just in case' condom coz you never know when you might be able to coax a guy into cheating on his wife/girlfriend :-P
Weird how crap like that happens
I need to meet this chick
Yea um my ex pulled that with me not only did I leave here I checked my condom for holes placed by her
Love this one so true
creative and clever. love it. =)
what smart woman doesn't carry condoms these days "just in case" anyways?
a better man would have called your bluff or put it in your butt
Hkviolhjrkhdlvj lln wkiook xblckkccfidf\n\n(no shit, my pet snake typed that...I think he likes this one)
Real or fake, that is one of the most clever impromptu lines that I have ever heard. I think that would take the wind out of most sails. As a realist, I hope that my daughter is clever enough to use that line if the situation ever arises.
Oooo shit this is about me...WTF??!?
Haha, I love this.
I always have condoms in my purse for those types of situations. :)
Definatly. Us girls pay good money for birth control pills that are not always effective the least a guy can do is god forbid buy the rubbers! I mean, u wanna get laid right?
lol love it!!!! the problem is some guys still wont care....they think with their penises n not the consequences
Anal. Natures condom.
you are freaking awesome.
thats rough. nice mental tactic tho. i applaud u.
You are a genius. On behalf of all the single women in the US. I thank you.
Best line of all time. I will def be using it! Haha
anal baby anal. vagifail.
Girls shouldn't have to buy condoms for random hookups. What if they carry around a magnum and the guy they try to hook up with has a tiny dick? Men can buy their own condoms.
BadMitch never wears a rubber, www.badmitch.com
You are a brilliant, brilliant woman. I'll have to remember that one.
ok what happens when they guy says meeee tooo!!! Then that look of stupidity arises!!! everyone says they'll use that line but i'm guy that'll say, it's cool cause i'm fixed!!! you gotta be smarter than the stupid girl you are screwing!!! 7024062492
You must screw some extremely stupid girls then...
it would have been funny if the guy had aids and fucked her without a condom anyways
lmao I have banged so many women raw, that line never works on me
Haha I lyk tht line dhat shyt funni. Ima useee it
510 = Berkeley, Oakland, East Bay, etc.
510 bay area nigggga :)
Yes girls should be responsible for condoms as well but come on guys need some responsibility especially since girls deal with birth control everyday. This comeback is definitely gonna be used by me :)
My god, I am man, and this is still hilarious.
Carrying a condom in your wallet is a surefire way to have it bust...
That said, both dudes and chicks should carry condoms. Don't be morons.
just laughed at 2:37 haha
Don't you just hate when she's actually intelligent...
true, it is pretty stupid, but at least pulling out reduces the chances more than NOT pulling out
I just saved a bunch of money on my child support by switching to condoms XD
Yea... That would be something a girl would pull on me. :p
Awesome, love it.
Magicly....damn amazin how shit happens
that was fuckin a waste of time to read what ever that bitch said
and thank you for wasting everyone else's time by submitting that reply
boooo-fucking-hooo. both parties are responsible, ass. so what if the girl buys birth control pills? If she wants cock, she should have some condoms also. And that's the fact jack.
Now go climb into the waaaaaahmbulance and get out of here.
Damn I wish I was that smart during my single days!! It was always so hard to get around that classic little lie.
Haha straight magin
Haha that was very clever lol. I might use that one day. Nicely done.
10 years of pulling out worked for me. third week after getting married and not pulling out...future daddy. and high five on knowing when to pull out.
@ebb2226 I'm thinking that was kinda the point. :)
I'm a girl, and I've always thought it should be a guys responsibility to have condoms. Like, I might have the wrong size or whatever. I mean, i never use them, but if i did it would be his job. But that line was epic.
this would be from the yay area! such a good text.
I live in 415 too, her
Best comment approach to the situation ever haha !
Shit happens men better stay safe all the time
Best. Psychology. Ever.
..... Thanks for that note to self :)
I just tell them I'm fixed... It works nine pig of ten times! Not like I care... I'm moving back to Spain in a year anyways!!
most guys with any dick control would just say "rock n roll" and then pull out and bust ropes on her face!
Smart girl.. I might use that
gotta hand it to u thats a pretty badass move for a women most of them bitch an just say no an get dressed
Go Bay Area Girl!!!
That is what mostly happens when someone wants to knock a person up
When I was in the USA I dated a guy. We wanted to fuck but had no condoms. It was torturing... We both claimed to be clean. He tried to persuade me he can be careful not to get me pregnant. I asked him: "hey what if I get pregnant?". He answered: "Then you get a green card".
Haha this is awesome!
I'm amazed how many people have never heard that line before. I've personally had that line said to me before and responded "Your eggs are a good distance from your face. Don't worry about it." Then went for the pullout and aim for the eyes approach. I went 1 for 2 on the eyes btw.
Fuck using condoms, I give girls a box of Plan B when we're done. Problem solved. Next....
when she said ready to be a mom i would have been ready to run out the door!