I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
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