You kept trying to hail an ambulance
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They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
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