i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Send us your Text From Last Night!
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
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