Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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