Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Switzerland (+41)

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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.

  (+41): View more from Switzerland

  What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?

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  (+44): Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls. (+41): What a patriot you are. How'd it happen? http://tfl.nu/t9je
  Replies (1) Good night (519) Bad night (283)
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  (+41): View more from Switzerland

  How did she break his doorknob?

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  That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.

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  (+41): How did she break his doorknob? (1+41): That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought. http://tfl.nu/2qqq
  Replies (4) Good night (1825) Bad night (535)
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  (+41): View more from Switzerland

  She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"

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  (+41): She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool" http://tfl.nu/0b6e
  Replies (10) Good night (1611) Bad night (708)
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  (+41): View more from Switzerland

  my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED

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  (+41): my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED http://tfl.nu/sryn
  Replies (3) Good night (2183) Bad night (601)
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  (+41): View more from Switzerland

  I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples

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  (+41): I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples http://tfl.nu/80un
  Replies (16) Good night (1122) Bad night (5145)
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  (+41): View more from Switzerland

  look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.

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  (+41): look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent. http://tfl.nu/4y57
  Replies (20) Good night (6465) Bad night (713)