You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
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