This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
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