bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
THAT is your concern right now?
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
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