Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
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I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
be there in ten.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
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