The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
honey bunches of taint.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
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