It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
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the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
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