i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Send us your Text From Last Night!
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
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