Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
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Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
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