I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
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i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Hi, my name's audrey!
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
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