He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
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