about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
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I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
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