And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
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