Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
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