He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
time to smoke my breakfast
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
so let's talk penis.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
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