Texts From Last Night · cailouise's Favorites

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cailouise's Favorites Texts:

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(937): View more from Ohio

pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.

Fav 6 1327 650
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(989): View more from Michigan

If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.

Fav 8 1406 709
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(219): View more from Indiana

Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.

Fav 8 2576 932
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(602): View more from Arizona

What does puking wasabi feel like?

(1-602): View more from Arizona

Like snorting cocaine backwards.

Fav 5 905 1804
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(513): View more from Ohio

She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.

Fav 5 1767 714
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(713): View more from Texas

Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.

Fav 5 1142 736
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(315): View more from New York

drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.

Fav 22 1531 1400
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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5

Fav 14 3202 1040
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