yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Send us your Text From Last Night!
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
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