Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
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