Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Loading more great texts...