we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
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