I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
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