I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
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