I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Send us your Text From Last Night!
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
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