When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
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Who doesn't love an angry doorknob
This one started off weak but finished strong.
Really good if you want everyone to assume your boyfriend is beating you. (I hope for your sake he's not--and if he is, GTFO, *now*.) If you got those bruises from sexyfuntimes, just 'fess up. Your friends may judge but they'll be jealous. :-)
The knob part of it is true, at least.
Just use the old standard "I walked into a baseball."
What happens when a retard tries to hump a doorknob.