Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
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